Thankyou…yesterday was the worst so far and I visit the undertaker’s today which…just stressed me all night . Xx
Ty for the hugs i will gladly take one. I read all your post and you give me hope that this nightmare will soon be better to bare. Xxxx
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So sorry @Murtlewillowdip ; yes, it’s hard.
It sounds like you have turned a corner and I hope I get to that point it’s been 12 months since I lost my husband and I find it very hard to meet people always have done so I only have a couple of friends so I am finding it difficult every day still and to be honest not sure if it’s worth all this heart ache to carry on life has nothing to look forward to for me it almost feels like some horrible punishment I have been given
Sorry you are feeling so low. Sundays always seem to be worse than other days.
I have been widowed twice. I also feel as if I am being punished when I am at my lowest. But if I turn it on its head, I was blessed with two wonderful men, the first for 28 years and then I had an unexpected 16 years of happiness with my second husband.
Please don’t throw the towel in, I know it’s hard to find any joy in life, but there is some lurking around the corner.
It’s only 10 weeks for me and I feel like hell sometimes, but I know I can get through this horror because I have done it before, even though I thought I could not.
Xx
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Morning 7 weeks today for me like willow my 2nd husband my first was only for 5 years before he died of a dvt . My second would have been 16 years last Friday. 18 yrs together i am really holding on by a tight rope but hoping some how some way i will get there. Xxx
Hello… my husband died suddenly 10days ago. We have a 13 yr old daughter. I feel so disolate not in control. The pain in my heart is so intense and i feel so panicky. I cant imagine ever not feeling like this. Its. A very different feeling than when mum died 6 yrs ago. I keep thinking back to the memories and the famiky holidays and its so so painful.
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Aww bless you 6 days is really early. Today is my 7th week and my head is still realing from it all. Give yourself time to grief one minute one hour one day at a time. Be kind to you and your little girl. It is so very different i lost my mum dad and sister all in a space of 9 yrs,and yes it was hard but nothing like this. Xxx
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So sorry to hear of your husbands death. Such a short time ago so it will feel raw. Is there anyone who can help you with the organisation of funeral and paperwork. This will take some of burden away and stop the panic. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sending hugs. Be kind to yourself and one step at a time.
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I am on here for a moan, so apologies in advance. At nearly 3 years on, I am coping with single living, but am not happy with the way life is going. It is not directly to do with bereavement, although of course ongoing grief adds to existing and developing woes. I am overwhelmed by how horrible the world has become and seems to be getting worse by the day. Burglary, drug use, violence, unrest, fraud, the economy, the NHS, social media etc all play havoc with my mind. I have things to be grateful for - I have a house to live in (although sadly run down and neglected, my fault) and no particular money worries. I have joined various activities, so I am not isolated, but am lonely. I feel useless and stupid because I cannot get to grips with digital tech, which makes me an annoying nuisance to all, especially family (who therefore do not stay in touch). I have a recent serious health issue, not knowing what the future will bring is frightening. Sorry to bring the atmosphere down.
Hi devonolderguy, I completely understand how you are feeling , the world does seem worse than it ever has now but in reality I think it probably always has been full of these nasty things and problems but now we are informed about everything from all angles, the papers, the TV, the Radio, other people, The internet …we are surrounded by doom and gloom.
The best advice I can give you is to stop engaging with it all, don’t watch or listen to the news feeds anymore or at least not intensely. Listen to music or Audio books, radio 4 has a lot of good content that is interesting, funny and informative.
If you think about all the bad news logically it is not as rife as they will have you believe…for example a burglary is reported in your local paper…1 burglary, now tell yourself how many houses are there in your town…so yes the burglary is awful but it is in all honesty a rare occurrence.
Drug use is awful and we see the results of it when we see the homeless sat on the street asking us for money, but remember these people can access help it is available and sometimes they do not want to or they are not ready, the council is obliged to help homeless when they ask for help.
The media have always and will always focus on the bad news, they will exaggerate the bad news they want the drama to be shocking and they want you to react it is their job.
Now think about this…how much of that bad news effects you or your family directly… think can YOU stop these things from happening ?, You can’t solve the problems of the world and the negativity is spoiling your life, please please stop watching and listening.
Try your best to just focus on positive things…look at the beautiful spring flowers, the trees that are coming into leaf, walk in the park if you can or work in your garden if you have one. Look at the blue sky…and if it is raining remember without the rain we wouldn’t have the lovely flowers.
Go out and socialise as much as you can and go with a smile on your face, greet passers by with a smile or a good morning, good afternoon, chat with others in the checkout queue all those little interactions make our lives more positive and may make the recipient happier too.
Put some music on and sing along, buy a bunch of flowers for your lounge, only watch the nice things on TV, the gardening shows, the quiz shows, antiques road show, nature programmes nice films or dramas. Do some jigsaws, crosswords etc or buy a model kit or something else creative.
Some of these things might not be to your taste but you get my gist. It is a real thing now people getting anxiety and depression because of the media and ignoring it, blacklisting it, is the best thing to do. Summer is racing up towards us so it is a good time to make the break.
I can almost guarantee that you will feel better if you can detach yourself. yes it is impossible to not hear some things but don’t deliberately seek it out.
I hope this helps you :).
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hello penny6. Thank you for your reply and various points of advice. Maybe I came across a bit heavy on the doom and gloom. At present I have a debilitating painful physical problem which is clouding my judgement, I wonder what I have done to deserve it as I have always helped others, volunteered etc and been a friendly “good guy”, but I know karma does not work like that. I just hope it goes away soon … which brings up a sore point in that the odds are stacked against those that are not tech savvy: trying recently to make a doctors appointment, 20 deep queue at the desk with no chairs, place 40 on the phone, on line needing a registration code which you can only obtain in person - so catch 22! All that you said makes logical sense, I am not on any media platforms, I do not seek out bad news or violent programmes, I keep busy with crosswords, volunteering, a cheerful bereavement chat group, U3A, local coffee mornings etc. but the truth is I do not trust anyone having been let down by friends, family and tradesmen. A sad state of affairs. I am literate, numerate, intelligent, can hold my own socially BUT being a digital dinosaur makes me an outcast pariah. I attend tech classes and take advice, but being put to shame by your average 9 year old is the reality, I can just about cope with emails. I had to ask help to get a new bus pass, and will have to soon do the same to renew my driving licence. The whole world operates on line, and try as I might I am not part of it.
Aw devonolderguy i agree tech is tricky and face to face is being phased out, i am lucky my son and grandson will help me and I am only 65 so i have had to use in past workplaces so not terrible at it.
Being in pain must be awful for you too and I guess your sleep is suffering because of it.
Your driving licence …you can go to the post office and they will do it all for you, it does have to be a main post office not one of the little ones in the spa shops etc so you may have to go to town. They do charge you for the service i think it is about £20 but that includes your new licence.
I do hope that your pain gets better very soon and I hope summer brings you some happier experiences. We do have to be careful with trusting people but I do believe that most people are decent, it seems like you have had a run of bad luck on that score.
I can highly recommend Age UK …i don’t know where you are but most places have one in the area, they help with lots of things and I think they can recommend trusted tradesmen. The one in my town do trips out and other things. But they are very helpful in lots of things.
I hope you get things sorted out and can enjoy the summer, sending you my absolute best wishes to you devonolderguy 
hello penny6. Once again thank you for your advice, especially about the licence at the post office. There was/is a doubt about if the service would continue after 2024, it seems to be ongoing but as I do not believe anything I read on line I will physically go to my local main office to find out. Thank goodness for my mobility scooter, my best investment ever! So here I am up at 4am, I cannot sleep due to severe pain. After a lifetime of being relatively fit and well, I have discovered - like others - one cannot rely on the NHS any more, I hope my modest savings will be enough for private treatment should I need it. Sorry another moany post. My laptop and/or wifi is playing up after years of good service, local computer shop here I come! My biggest bugbear is that nobody or anything is reliable any more, navigating life both real and etherial is like being lost in space for me, with no partner to bounce off. Others seem to glide through life, for me I am always on the outside looking in, why is that? My bank is closing down, I transferred my money from a previous closure when the manager assured me they would remain open for years to come. I know my letting off steam will not, frustratingly, solve anything, does anybody else feel they are the mercy of an invisible big brother?
Hi devon, I don’t mind you venting again it is a good thing to do, glad I could help with the licence, make sure you do your hair before you go…they take a photo :). But then again the speed you go on that scooter it will be blown all over by the time you get there. 
They are amazing things and I will definately get one if/ when I am not allowed to drive anymore ( hopefully thats in the distant future) I am only 65 so relatively young still, i get my odd aches and pains but that is mainly caused by my work, after David died I started doing a few hours cleaning to make a little pocket money, it is quite physically tasking. When I get my pension in August I might stop doing it. I have other things in the pipeline that will keep me very busy.
I agree with you when you say nothing is reliable…it absolutely isnt, things, services, many many things are poor quality nowadays. I am not sure why is it a lack of pride in our work that has gone ? is it purely cut backs in spending?, so many youngsters have never learned common sense and everyday life skills and they are the workers now. !.
Can I ask what is causing your pain ?.
It is a big worry when laptops start going wrong as they are expensive to replace although some companies do reconditioned ones now that are as good as new and cheaper.
Hope you have as nice day as possible X
Hello miss 6, what a bargain I am getting, all your thoughts for a penny! Although I’ve heard it’s the going rate according to the old saying. I hope Sue Ryder don’t think we have commandeered this situation for our personal thread! Age UK have pulled out of my town here in Devon, a shame because they were active with lunches, coach outings and an advice shop. We are now almost a third world country due to a very dangerous attitude by successive governments of complacency. Anybody could see allowing years of unchecked foreign imports would undermine our own capacity and skills base. Favouring university places at any cost over practical apprenticeships has obvious long term consequences. Uncensored on line content is becoming a massive problem leading to fraud, violence, exploitation etc but is allowed to flourish. Doctor and nurse training is ignored, as is food security. Ok enough politics, my opinion will not change anything. I do not think my laptop is end of life yet, I hope a service and clear out of dead files will rejuvenate it, but I can afford new if not. Retrieving and/or transferring stuff would be the biggest problem, I haven’t a clue. I have sciatica, which can be agony, no idea if I will be able resume my hobby of caravanning. I am a generation older than you, my late wife and I were lucky to receive pensions at the previous retirement ages. Now I have to go away and try to reset my brain to be more optimistic, like yours x
Hi again ! just a quick reply, one of my friends has suffered with sciatica for weeks, she has started going to a chiropractor and it is helping her a lot. it is about £50 a week but if it works and you can afford it it might be worth a try.
Hello Penny6. A super quick response! Thanks again for thoughts and advice. I go for chiropractic treatment already, in fact my latest sciatica flare up was possibly triggered by a session a few weeks back. I am now trying to book acupuncture. It is all so frustrating x
Oh heck, I have heard acupuncture is good so fingers crossed, I will keep my eye out for a magic wand too although I think that may be a discontinued line 
x
I cant understand why none of my pain medication is working. It is agony. No choice but to go private, but no replies yet to any enquiries, its as if I am in parallel universe all alone. Missing my late wife of course. Am more than ready to explore what is on the other side, I am not afraid, assume no pain there, but I cannot leave my messy affairs and unfinished business for my kids to sort out. I need to update my will and do a power of attorney etc. The unreliability of everything and everybody is so frustrating, modern tech is supposed to make life easier, but I think overreliance is to blame for loss of personal contact and common sense. I expect others have similar situations, but its hard not to feel its just me all alone.