My wife sadly past away on the 31 of October, I really don’t know what to do next . It feels like I have known future, I break down all the time
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I wish I could tell you it gets better with time. My Lynn passed a year ago, on October 5th. There will be bad days and awful days but you keep going in the vain hope the pain will end. As for me, I try to keep busy during the day and talk to her photos that I have around the house. Night time is the hardest for me and I’ve taken to drinking late in the evening to help me sleep. If you have family, try and take comfort in their presence especially during the coming Christmas period, I faced last Christmas and New Year’s eve alone and it was hard, but I survived and this year will be the same as I have no family.
In the months ahead I hope you find peace and comfort with family and friends.
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Hi Paul. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s all just so hard, isn’t it? I’m taking it a little bit at a time, because thinking too far ahead is terrifying. I hope you can find a little peace in the hard days, weeks and months to come.
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I I can’t imagine life without her, thank you for your kind words
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@Paul2 it is very early days for you. 17 weeks tomorrow for me, at times it feels like only yesterday and tomorrow I know at 1pm which is the time he took his last breath with me by his side I will cry. Other times it feels like ages since I saw him and I am getting used to the idea that I will never see him again. I talk to him all the time and have photos of happier times scattered around my flat.
You will find the strength to move on, the journey is difficult and as different for each and every one of us as our relationships were. Don’t shut yourself away, reach out to those who are there for you and let them help you.
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Hi @Paul2
Sorry to here about the loss of your wife.
Like most people here bad days and good days. I too try to keep busy during days and nights. It is not easy and the time especially weekends are long and loneliness is something else. I think because I just retired last year it seems like time is going slow but fast cant explain.
It has been just over 5 months since my husbsnd passed suddenly 
I take a day at a time cant plan any further ahead. This will be my 1st Christmas on my own without him. But we survive somehow and the next day is here.
Please do try to look after yourself
Take any help offered from friends and family.
People on this forum are going through similar some further on than others but we are all here to listen help and support so please keep posting your feelings comments and someone will be there to answer.
Take care
Lynne
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@MK-Dave Are there any ‘blue christmas’ church service at your location.??? We have them here in Toronto, Canada for bereaved people. I had very hard time going through Christmas alone, so this year I searched around for them, there are about two that I could try to push myself to go, the home option would be too horrible. First year I had no one to talk to for 6 weeks …
Or have you met any widowed person whom you may get together to have some meals together ?
I am in the same position as you, no real family that I would feel comfortable to pass the time without my beloved husband. So I feel for you.
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@Paul2 hmmmm, feel for you…: ( . It is very hard now…and you must feel very sad and confused, all the time… We who have lost our beloved know how this feels like, cry if you need to, scream if you need to, curse if you need to … this is your grief…
We are here for you… and would you like to join a bereavement group in your area ? It may help , For me I joined it, not because I liked it, just so that I could have some company , feel less alone and isolated. And I did not even speak much at the meetings… no one would force you to talk if you do not wish to…
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Sorry for your loss Paul.I lost my partner in april i live near you so if you need any help or advice berevment groups ect feel free to get in touch .
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First day back at work, I’ve had every feeling plus some. Reading peoples texts has helped me back to work, I thought I was the only one who was hurting in this world I now know iam not . Very hurly days for me , I still go to sleep hopeing it’s a bad dream.
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Hi Paul 2
Glad you are back at work although it us early days yet for you.
Keeping busy during the day helps bytbi found the nights long and lonely.
Been 6 months for me since he passed away and still have some bad days and crying but not so intense.
Hope you have a good night and mange to get done sleep
Take care
Lynne
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@MK-Dave gosh your post really touched me. I too will spend xmas eve, xmas day evening and NY eve on my own but with 2 guests for xmas dinner. At first it upset me but now I realise I would rather be on my own if I can’t be with my husband. Good luck for whatever happens this year.
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Hi @Juliebobs
Me too spending Christmas day and Hogmanay on my own as he would have been here if he could. He loved Christmas and last year we spent it in Australia with family . This year it will be just me and him light a candle and memories of the last 37 years we had together.
Whatever everyone’s doing at this time of the year take care and look after yourself.
Lynne
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First week back , iam lost 
carnt believe Iam on my own , it’s just being a total blur , I am struggling so much , I miss her . I love her .
Hi @Paul2
Today for some reason feeling very down.
I thought id been coping well but guess not today.
Its a struggle to get through days but weekends and nights are hard. I miss the company someone to talk to, the laughter, the being together. All that gone now just left with memories.
Hard to believe we are on our own.
Ask the question why but dont get an answer life is so short and we dont know whats around the corner.
We are survivors left behind trying to cope in a world without them.
Boy its so hard to get by each day but we do.
Take care
Lynne
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Today was 18 weeks, I spent the day with my daughter helping out at a Christmas Faye for FORCE, she is, thankfully, a survivor of Breast Cancer. I was doing OK until they had the Exeter Male Voice choir come and do some singing, some of the songs just triggered my tears and I stood behind the tombola stall trying to control my tears. It’s so difficult to know what will start them. I managed to regain my composure and carried on with the day, even joining in with some of the singing.
It’s strange how one minute I can be feeling OK, convincing myself I am doing alright and the next minute I’m all in pieces again.
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