I am finding very hard to go in every room in my house to find all my wife’s stuff it makes me cry all the time please help is this natural think don’t know what to do any advice welcome
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1954,ron
I also find it heart-breaking sole destroying , dont do it only when you are ready
steve
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Hi
No don’t do it yet
Paul’s things are everywhere in the house shed car van
I feel he’s close to me however distressing it is to see everything
Don’t rush into deciding yet
Xx
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Everyone is different I had to sort through my husband things after a few weeks and just keep the things that reminded me of good things about him but other people need time just do it when you feel ready and don’t feel bad about when you do it just keep things that remind you of the lovely person your wife was .
Thankyou very much its just hard
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Hi
The hardest thing we’ll ever have to do……
Xx
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Bess I hurting so much 4 weeks today its do hard not coping very well x
Hi Ron
17 weeks today for me at 17.57pm I looked at the click deliberately
I am finding it so so hard…… don’t beat yourself it is bloody hard and always will be
I’m not coping I admit that will I be coping any better in a years time …. Who knows
As I’ve said we have their dna we’ve known them so long we knew them inside out and vice versa
I don’t take it one day at a time I take it one hour at a time
Crumble big time at the drop of a hat…
Cannot even think about next week next month next nothing
I’m just functioning like all of us on here
Stay strong and yes I know that’s so easy to say
Lolxx
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1954.ron
Hi Ron. My wife passed away a year ago. I’m sorry to tell you I’m still not coping very well. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and I know how difficult going through her things is for you. I think it’s too soon for you to do this but if you feel it’s the right time my advice would be do it slowly, perhaps a bit at a time, think carefully before you part with something that you may regret losing later. Of course I kept many of her things but there have been a few bits that I took to the cancer charity shop that I wish I’d kept so go slowly with it. Best wishes. We all know how tough this is for you.
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Hi 1954Ron
I second all the advice on here…… take your time
I haven’t touched any of Paul’s things for me I feel closer to him when everything is here…… but I do realise everyone copes differently
Folk say time…… but as said on here time makes no difference……. It’s just sheer hell and I too have not experienced pain like it …… it’s a devastating situation we never allowed ourselves to think about
Take care
Xx
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Hi it is something you never get over but in time you learn to live with my wife died 3years now I still have bad days but you also have normal days to I know you won’t believe it now I didn’t either the searing pain does die down hope this helps
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Hi Newb
You have it…… the searing pain…… your description is spot on
No one else knows it
The ‘aloneness’ too is indescribable
Take care
Xx
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Its been over two and a half years since my wife passed away and it still tears me up to try and clear up her possessions, ive done a few but feel like im sweeping her away, the memories will never go and sometimes I feel comforted seeing her coat hanging on the hook, it makes its bearable and not so final. only do what you can do, no rush.
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When my husband passed 21months ago, our daughter asked me not to “eradicate” dad completely so I put his things in one room till I was ready. Last winter I gave some clothes, shoes & jackets to charity so someone else could benefit.
Bit by bit I’ve tried to sort thru the garage 
Don’t feel I’ve made much progress as it is an Aladdins cave. A lifetime of tools.
As you accept & adjust, your mindset will change, it becomes easier to sort thru things & only keep certain items.
Do things at your own pace was advice I was given - -
G. X
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my wife passed 3 years ago.i kept her coat she always had on and a pair or jeans. They hang up on the side of the wardrobe. that keeps me near to her still miss her every day but life goes on the best way i can .thinking off you all god bless and keep ur chin up
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I struggled to move my hubbys clothes most are still in the wardrobe a few of his shirts I have had made into bears for myself our children this helped us a lot as it feels as if we all have a part of him with us
I also have his coats on the coat hook his jumpers on the wardrobe hanger where he put them and I must admit I find this comforting
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It’s been nearly 15 months since my soul mate passed away I still have his clothes in the wardrobe cannot part with them I too find them comforting yet Life without him seems to be getting worse rather than better . I miss his company advice and being by his side I cannot believe he is not coming back .
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Hi Tony, read your post and it brought a tear to my eye. I lost my wife in May 2020 and I still have her clothes in the wardrobe. The grief of losing your significant other is so hard to bare. We had a little car which was hers, it was so hard driving it on my own, I kept looking at the empty passenger seat where she would be. When we out on trips she would bring a flask of coffee and pour me a cup when the road was clear and I could sip.
In the end I had to sell her car as those memories were so upsetting, id drive in floods of tears, wanting her to be beside me chatting away.
Last month I sold the car, it was sad seeing it go and remembering all out travels together but it wasn’t doing me any good driving it. I’ve now bought another car, it has no memories of her and once more I can enjoy going places without getting upset. Im sure shed be happy knowing that.
This journey we are on is like no other but I’m determined to have a life and focus on the amazing person she was. She may be gone in body but the memories will last my lifetime.
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Chas I had the same problem in that we both had a car, he had kept his for emergency as he finished work before I did and needed it in case he had to go to see his mom who was in her 90’s. When he passed away suddenly last December he was 73 it was unbearable. I never touched a thing for months his razor was on the shelf in the bathroom and stayed there for 3 months after he’d gone. His car was the biggest worry. I couldn’t keep two cars and as his was the bigger and more expensive to run I made the decision it had to go. I contacted the dealer where we had purchased them from to see if they would take both in part exchange for a slightly newer one, after explaining the circumstances they agreed I could do that. Boy did I feel guilty, I felt as if it was not right. the night before I was due to go over I hardly slept, I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing. I took the dog out in the morning and she stopped by the street name, a robin flew down and stood on the sign just above where my dog was standing and it was just looking at me. It stayed there for a good few minutes before flying away, I felt that it was a sign from him saying it was ok. I haven’t seen the robin since.
It was sad when they came for his car. I couldn’t stand outside and see it go, I would have been in tears, but I do still have his personal number plates which is going to be put on my car when I’m ready. So I still have part of it .
I managed to clear his wardrobe after 6 months but kept one of his jumpers which I actually worn to his funeral. The clothes had no sentimental attachment but the jumper I shall keep forever. I have many things of his as he loved collecting, I have said to the children when they feel ready to have something of his as a keepsake, some I shall keep myself as they will have sentimental value to me but then the rest will go in time. Like you I will live my life as he would want me to but he will be with me always.
Take care xxx
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I have just got through the anniversary of losing my husband. His toiletries are still in the bathroom, all his clothes in the wardrobe. They are going nowhere for now. We are all different. xx
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