Hi just to let you know. I know how you feel. Sorry for your loss. My mum died two days after we found out she had cancer. The shock is unreal. It’s been 9 months since mum died. The pain is not as intense. The shock is slowly wearing off. But I still have days where I go “I can’t believe that happened”. I’m more focused. Less haunted by flashbacks . The Bad dreams are less. But the ache in my heart is there all the time. I still cry most days. But I have ok days. And then not so ok days. I smile. I laugh. I can move forward a little bit. Then I might go back a few steps. But it’s not as awful as those first few dark months. It is a slow painful process. But those first few months are by far the worst and those dark clouds do lift slowly but surely.
My chest tightness is still there but that’s heartache I think. I read lots of books now which help keep my occupied. I took my time going back to work. I’ve started dieting and exercising. All of that has helped but has taken me a long time to get to that place as I used to overeat and drink too much. But I now want to feel better about myself whereas before I didn’t care.
Just don’t expect too much of yourself. Be kind to yourself and know that it’s all normal parts of grief