My husband of 30 years was diagnosed with cancer 4 months ago. Three weeks ago he slipped into a coma and passed away.
I’ve read through many threads but, I’m still so lost. I know we’re all here because we’ve all lost loved ones but I feel so alone. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this . The pain is eating away at me. The comfort i get is when i know my time will come and we’ll be together again.
Oh Jules, I’m so sorry you feel as you do. It’s so early for you to think clearly about anything. Whatever I say may have no impact on your grief. You may feel lonely but you are not. Many tramp this awful path beside you and we all try to help each other.
We are like pilgrims looking for some peace.
‘Getting over this’ may not be possible, but relief can come in time. I will refrain from saying all the usual things because it’s too early for you to absorb much.
Please make use of this site. We are all here for you and know how you feel. Pain is pain and it’s universal.
Take special care. Look after yourself. Blessings.
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Thank you so much for your reply. It actually does mean a lot to me.
I’ve read and reread your reply, each time finding comfort from it.
Hi Jules
Peter died 2 months ago today. When I look back 6 weeks ago it is just a blur. We had his funeral and I felt as though I was in a film. Looking back I don’t know how I got through it but I did.
I definitely cry less, it’s now more or less half the day instead all day. (I do recommend you get a good eye cream). I have now been out in the day with friends or family. The first three weeks I couldn’t go outside the door. Thankfully I slept well for the first 6 weeks - I think I was so drained from the hospital - and sleeping was my only relief. Now I do wake up a couple of times a night but I have started having night time tea so hopefully this will help. I take Peter’s photo and T-shirt to bed and I speak to him out loud. I just miss him so much. I can’t imagine a future without him so I try to stay in the day.
Sending love and hugs x
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I’m so sorry for your loss x
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Hi Jackie
Thank you for your heartfelt reply. I totally know what it is you’re going through. Hell…
Family and friends speaking in hushed tones, trying to give comfort with empty words. Nothing will ever be the same. Like you, I find nights, dreams my only escape from it all. Sometimes he comes to me. I can’t stand waking up. It’s a punch to my stomach every single morning. Another day.
Thanks again for your reply, I do think writing and sharing is helping me to cope with a thousand emotions running through my head and heart. I’m so sorry for your loss too. Xxx
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My beloved died almost 13 weeks ago. It is hard and painful. I said in an online post that I was just going day to day. The following is a reply from a friend. " Y’know, I think that’s all you can do. Flow one day into another until time wears the edges off your grief, and turns it into something smooth and weighty in your palm. It almost becomes like a prayer stone - rounded by your constant touching and exploring of its edges. Trust your gut and feel whatever comes as it comes."
Peace to you…Heather
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I lost my lovely mum 4 weeks ago. I just want to hide away and sleep. But I also hate waking. That awful sick empty feeling. My dreams are all of her. Some lovely some awful of her last days with us. She has come to me once properly in a dream which was so comforting that I truly believe it was her. I can’t imagine life without her.
Hi Jooles
I’m so sorry for your loss too. You wrote of your mum coming to you in your dream. I believe this does actually happen. When my father in law died a month after my much loved dog, both stood in the doorway of my room. My dog tried to approach me but was held steadfast by my father in law. It was a chance to say goodbye.
I too had a vivid dream where my husband came to me. I know it was him saying goodbye.
The hardest thing is waking up. The emptiness of it all.
Thanks so much for your reply Heather. Hopefully it will help to make sense of it all. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss too.
All I can do atm is one step at a time. I can’t imagine a life without him being there. We met when I was 17. Now 48. All those years having him as a right hand. I’m just at a loss. The only comfort is, knowing I’m not alone in all this pain. And hearing that others went through the same process and came out the other end.
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I only had the one dream. The night after she died. I have never had another one like it. Which makes it seem even more real and meaningful. We couldn’t hug properly in the hospital as she was in too much pain. But we hugged so tight in my dream. She looked happy and healthy. She told me she loved me so so so much. And she was wearing a jacket that I saw on the day of her funeral. Dad had hung it up on the wall in the hallway. I had never seen it before until then and in my dream
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Hi Jules,
I feel for you, I really do. I lost my beloved husband of 44 years nearly a year ago. The pain of the early days was unbearable. The constant crying, feelings of devastation, disbelief, fear, loneliness, anguish, exhaustion, and this pain deep within me, that just wouldn’t shift. With the support of friends, and counselling, I did get to where I am now. A year on, (6th October) I am beginning to live again and actually get happy moments. Is it all ok??? No!, and it never will be, my soul mate is gone and with every waking breath, I miss him and long for him to hold me again! The feelings are all still there, but they are manageable. Dealing with the feelings becomes a little easier. I didn’t think I would even be alive now, I was so bereft, but I am. I suppose, what I am trying to say, is that the passing of time makes the grief a little easier to deal with. Is time a healer??? For me, No!, I am not healed or cured and never will be but I am beginning to move forward again, and live rather than exist. I believe I will see my John again, I have to believe that for my well being, and continuing acceptance of this cruel thing that has happened. I send you love and wish you well on your journey. It’s a hard one but one step in front of the other, and one day at a time, is the answer.
Much love and prayers
From Heather.x
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Thank you for those wonderful words.
Heather you wrote at a perfect time, it is a journey. I keep telling myself it’s one day at a time. I know he’s with me. I had a terrible last few days. Awful…
I decided to see a tarot reader, he said some amazing things. I’m not alone. I feel so much more positive about everything. Knowing he’s with me.
Wishing you all the very best with your own life journey Heather. God bless xxxxxx
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Hi Jules we all feel your pain . My husband died 12 weeks ago 5 months after being diagnosed with melanoma on February 19th. All so very quick . You just exist and go through the emotions to get through each day . Cry stay in bed go out do whatever you need to do to get through each hour then each day . It is as raw fir me today as it was when I lost him but all of us here understand and know what you are going through . I have made contact with a lovely lady who circumstances are very similar to mine and we are talking directly quite often . Someone outside your circle of friends and family who you can say anything to and they will know and understand your feelings and grief . I am not one for talking about my feelings but have found this group so helpful .
Gill
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Hello Jules, I understand the pain you are going through. I lost my wonderful husband 2 months ago today and I cry every morning, every evening and in the day too. I think my life is over, pointless and without him meaningless. I am frightened of the future, of being alone, unloved and unwanted. People on this site are a great source of strength and they do help you get through the endless days. Think just about today it is the only thing that will keep you sane and use this site. Love and hope Barbara x
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Hi Jules
I know exactly how you feel. It’s a living hell. I lost my dad suddenly 4 weeks ago and I feel completely broken and I will be honest with you, I have prayed to be taken away so I can see him again. However here on earth I know I have many people around me. I feel so alone too, once my dad’s funeral was over, the family all disappeared down their respective rabbit holes never to be seen again. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I’m finding it hard to adjust to life without my dad. We were very close and he was like a crisis buffer for me. When life slapped me in the face, he gave me strength and great words of wisdom which I have needed more than ever. I honestly feel like I’ve lost nearly all of me. All I’m trying to focus on just now is to take things one step at a time but it’s hard and I can completely relate to how you feel
Hi jules, it is so raw for you at the moment. The usual words that well meaning people will say will just fuel your anger as they have no idea of your absolute pain unless they too have lost. I m a year in and all I can say is that the fog somehow does lift but by bit. For me I set goals - the first being getting my health back on track as this is what helps with your strength to deal with emotions. I ve had a year of ticked off goals, the most recent being the windsor half marathon (I m not a natural runner)
You will find your own way, you ll surprise yourself. I couldn’t accept that I would be distraught for the rest of my life, which could be another 30 years!
Where do you live jules
Hugs to you
Hi jules, it is so raw for you at the moment. The usual words that well meaning people will say will just fuel your anger as they have no idea of your absolute pain unless they too have lost. I m a year in and all I can say is that the fog somehow does lift but by bit. For me I set goals - the first being getting my health back on track as this is what helps with your strength to deal with emotions. I ve had a year of ticked off goals, the most recent being the windsor half marathon (I m not a natural runner)
You will find your own way, you ll surprise yourself. I couldn’t accept that I would be distraught for the rest of my life, which could be another 30 years!
Where do you live jules
Hugs to you
I had to reply to you jooles 45, I’m feeling the same as you too, lost my Mum in May, I dream about her every night too, good times and the awful time’s at the end. My Mum has come to me in my dreams and hugged me, I believe like you this is their way of telling us they are still with us. Take care x
Hi. Gayle. On a lighter note I love what you have written about people and relatives. ‘The family all disappeared again down their respective rabbit holes never to be seen again’. Wonderfully put. Yeah, I know, it’s happened to me. A so called close friend said ‘I will be in touch’ after the funeral nearly a year ago. Yes, you guessed it. Nothing!
But how can they know? Did I? Although both my parents have gone the pain was nothing like this loss. Yes, there was grief, but this is so much more painful.
Anyway, thanks for that. Cheered my day up.
Best wishes.