Its been almost 3 years now since my David died, and each day seems to become harder.My sleeping is abysmal and i sleep very little, but to be honest sometimes i’m afraid to sleep.
As a Christian,albeit a lapsed one, although i do go to church quite often, I cannot even believe there is an afterlife. How can it be.?
And in these past 3 years i have been dogged with so much worry and responsibility, I cant even tell you all the things that have blighted my life, its almost like i am cursed, and so often i dont want to be here, and yet i am afraid to die.
David was the clever one in our relationship ,and he took care of all finances ,and anything that troubled me he always smoothed my pathway.
Sometimes i think i must have been a bad person when i think of all i’m going through.
David was a commander in the Royal Navy and was an absolute professional at his job, and at home he was gifted with an intelligence like i had never seen before, and yet he succumbed to Vascular Dementia,and i nursed him at home for the best part of 7 long years, and it certainly took its toll on me, but i would do it all again.
We had a very good social life of entertaining at home on a quite grand scale, and yet where are all those ‘friends’ now,i hear from only a very few.?
When you suddenly become single again, invites dry up and rarely do you see all those ‘friends’ again.
I am not bitter, but i am disapointed,and i never thought in a million years i would feel so lonely, for its a tough road to travel.
I go to bed ridiculously early and only venture out to go shopping, and without my 2 little dogs i doubt i would have made it thus far.
I really dont know what else to say except that i do try to accept what life has done to me.
Thank you for reading, Roddy.
Dear @Rhody
I am sorry to hear of the loss of David.
One of the most difficult parts of a bereavement can be the feelings of loneliness that comes with it, nothing can prepare you for it.
Sue Ryder has a Grief Guide that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief, explore your emotions and feelings and hear from others experiencing grief. When you are ready, it would be worth taking a look at.
Cruse Bereavement have advice on how to cope with the Loneliness . It would be worth having a read to see how it can help you.
If you type in the search bar Loneliness you can connect with members here who have experienced and been in the same position as yourself.
I do hope the above will be of help to you. Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself. You are alone, we are all here for you.
Pepsi
My heart goes out to you. Your words are so touching and I relate to a lot you say. I used to call my husband my "walking enciclopedia ’ because he knew everything and fixed everything. I’ve just gone through the second year without the one and only love of my life. Married twenty five years and then suddenly, unexpectedly in a matter of minutes, a heart attack takes him away from me forever. Seems like yesterday and every day gets harder, time just doesn’t exist anymore. Every day is that day for me. Missing him so much it hurts.
Sending you strength.