My beautiful Mum passed away on 15 April 21. She had Alzheimer’s & even though her death was expected - it still hit me really hard! My Dad & I plodded along, making plans & making sure Mum’s life was celebrated in the way she would have wanted. It was hard going - especially for Dad as they were coming up to their 70th wedding anniversary but we even had that sorted - we were going to have a picnic at Mum’s favourite beauty spot. Then it all came crashing down again! Six weeks after Mum passed, Dad took ill & was taken to hospital. Tests discovered that he had leukaemia but the doctors were really hopeful of a positive outcome. Although 92, he had looked after himself, even the medical team thought he was 20 years younger than he actually was! So to get a call after such positivity to say that my Dad had died in the early hours of 29 May 21 was devastating! I still can’t take it in! I’m 54 years old & feel like I’m 5 again! I’m heartbroken! I can’t eat, can’t sleep - I can’t even think straight! I’m panicking and driving my car is just so stressful I just don’t do it anymore! I cry constantly - I miss them both so much! I’m obviously signed off from work & I live alone so feel I have nobody who understands what it’s like to grieve for two parents at the same time! Friends have been lovely but I don’t want that - I know that’s selfish & I should be grateful for my good friends but I can’t seem to shake myself out of this! Why do I feel so wretched? I mean - if there is such a thing as life after death - well they’d be together again & happy! It’s just that I’m not happy! I feel foolish & selfish for feeling this way - I had 54 years of my wonderful parents & a lot of my friends didn’t even have a quarter of that with theirs! Why is this hurting so much?
Evielilli, so sad that you have lost both parents within such a short time and when you wasn’t expecting your dad to go but knowing that your mum may go doesn’t help, it’s still total shock. Please don’t feel that you are selfish because you are not. Grieving is horrible and until we have lost someone dear to us we have no idea what it’s like.
Your parents being together for 70 years is just such a special thing and for me personally I believe that we will meet up in a different life after this one.
It takes time to come to terms with the loss that you have suffered and you will feel alone because they where very special people to you, take it slowly, small baby steps and you will come through the dreadful time. Keep those memories of all the lovely things they did for you. Blessings being sent. S xxx