I think a repeating theme is emerging from the responses here? I thought it was just my own reaction but clearly it is not. Your phrase ‘still haunts me’ really rings true for me. My Dad died of final stage heart failure so it was quite prolonged over several weeks but if was probably the last week that is still so vivid and I don’t think being completely on my own with him for the last few hours of his life was helpful. Whilst my head was thinking logical thoughts my heart was screaming to get out and run away. I think you are right that it is an experience that you don’t ‘get over’. I think I have mentioned I am a qualified counsellor and I have used the phrase ‘you won’t get over it but hopefully you will get used to and accept the feeling so it may not be so traumatic’ with many clients in the past. I am now trying to apply that logic to myself but it is not easy! Sending you healing thoughts as you continue to go through your own process wherever that may take you.
Thank you for reaching out again, it is comforting being able to speak with others. You are absolutely right about the intense feelings, it is an isolating experience gut wrenching in fact, for me I am finding Al Anon in respect of my late husband to be a way forward, grief is so individual especially when it touches the deepest part of our own emotions and something that consumes me presently. I need help from others and sharing our grief is positive as I start the long journey to acceptance to what has happened. I am inspired by what I read and watch. Bob Geldof said that time doesn’t heal, it accommodates. Tomorrow is a new day, I am happy I found this forum, little by little I hope and wish we can all find peace and strength to start the next chapter in our lives
Thanks for your response, it gives me some comfort knowing im not alone with these feelings, as I hope it does you.
Sending love and hugs to you all suffering 
I watched my dad takes his last few breaths, its horrific. He passed 9 weeks ago and the images of that moment replay in my head now more than they did 3 weeks ago… me and my mum and the doctors was there when he took hid lsdt breath, all i see is dad taking his last few breaths and scrunching up his face the last time…do they do this at the end?
Got an appointment with gp in a few weeks to speak about how im feeling.
I’m so very sad and sorry for your loss, I too lost my Husband 9 weeks ago and completely understand what you describe as horrific, I was with my Husband when he passed. I continue to share my grief through speaking with others, knowing I am not alone, it is good you are speaking to your GP and I hope you will get the answers you seek. I have joined groups and have found this forum of great help.
Thank you for your kind reply. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. It is bitter sweet to be there when they die. Our hearts are telling us to be there until the last moment but something I have realised is I think there is an instinctive reaction to run away. I think tnat inner tussle is possibly why it is so traumatic? You take good care.
I too am a counsellor and at times I feel like such a fraud. I was with my sister when she died from cancer and I revisit that day often. In many ways we were lucky because a number of the family were there during the day but at the time of her actual passing it was me and my daughter and her very distraught husband. It is very hard to watch someone you live go. Sending you love
I am very willing to listen to your story if you wish to share it . Take care of yourself.
Thank you so much. That is very kind. I am finding real difficulty voicing my story at the moment but I am sure it will come.