I had never witnessed anyone dying before. My Dad was very ill with end of life heart failure. I was alone with him when he died and I found it a very traumatic experience. I have been unable to talk to anybody about it so I feel I am bottling this experience up which is not a good thing. Any advice?
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@Gertie Hi there, Sorry about your Dad, there are lots of ppl on here that share the experience of watching someone die & it is traumatic, not like the movies where a person just falls asleep. I walked in on my Dad dying in hospital in March & its stayed with me. I’ll forever wonder if he knew I was there. You can open up on here. I’ve been on here since March & ppl understand. X
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I was with my husband when he passed and I believe it’s so important to share grief and get help when needed. It’s just so awful how grief is
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Thank you that is so helpful. I feel I can’t talk about it to people and my stomach churns when I think about it.
Every day is a new day, there is a saying that the journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step. I try to remember this as life continues around me.
@Gertie hey, i was with my dad at home when he died, it was absolutely horrid, for ages i kept going over it again and again, and like you im unable to discuss it, i think its because im scared of letting the emtion out, i have requested some counselling and hoping that will ease the images a little? We are all different, and we should all just do what we need to do to recover…take care x
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Thank you for your reply. That sounds very similar to how I am feeling. I am actually a qualified counsellor yet I feel dumbstruck about it! I am hoping starting to write about it here will begin to help me process what happened. Thank you for your reply.
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Thank you for your words of support.
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It certainly is and it is very complex. There also does not seem to be a pattern to it. Thoughts just pop into my head when I was feeling fine a few moments before. It is very early days for me at the moment so I am tryung tk be kind to myself.
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No advice but wanted to say I hear you and understand. My dad passed away with me holding his hand last week and I feel like no one will want to hear me tell them about his last moments even though they play over in my head constantly x
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Thank you for your reply. It sounds as if you fully understand my experience of how it feels. I am still not talking about it which I know, from a logical viewpoint, is not helpful but emotionally I still cannot find the words. My sincerest best wishes to you. Take good care.
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I was with my Dad too @Gertie it’s horrific and traumatic .
It was 3 and a half weeks ago . I’m here if you need to talk ever . I’m really struggling .
Hi Laura. Thank you for your very kind reply. Finding words even writing this reply is difficult and I do not understand my thought process at the moment. I suspect I am unconsciously trying to block my memories. It is a very recent experience for you and sounds quite raw so, equally, I am here should you need to try and process your thoughts. It has been just over two months for me yet it seems like yesterday. Take good care and thank you again for taking the time to reply. Val
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So many people going through this traumatic experiance…i lost mine 2 days ago, last sunday he sat downstairs watching tv…it suddenly escalated…having to watch him this week will take a whole to process i think
My partner passed away after a year’s battle with colorectal cancer.
She died of liver failure as the cancer had spread and consumed her liver.
She passed at home and endured end of life for 3 long days while I held her hand.
End of life process is horrific and will haunt me forever.
No advice, just I know what it is and no one can go through it with a loved one without being permanently traumatized
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@Gertie it’s so painful . I seem to be able to get through the day and I spend most of it with my Mum but at night I fall apart and sit and cry , I don’t seem to be able to accept what’s happened I don’t feel like I ever will … love to you
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Oh my goodness I am so sorry for your loss. I always thought I could deal with anything life threw at me but I think there must be a deep, instinctive reaction when you sit with someone through their final moments that goes beyond words. It as a real ‘gut feeling’ that can leave me speechless. I am hoping that, in time, it will fade though I doubt it will ever disappear.
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I am so sorry. The feelings are very painful but I have drawn a lot of comfort from the very kind responses on here. Discovering that several people, despite their own tragedies, are kind enough to share words of support has been a very humbling experience. Take good care, take time to heal and keep talking.
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Yeah I also thought I could, but nothing prepares you for it and no one has any idea beforehand what’s coming.
I can’t see those moments ever fading - in fact I think those will be the moments that stay with you with absolute clarity, long after the good memories and moments are starting to cloud a little
Hiya, im glad someone bought this up as I feel like this is literally the thing I cant get past, I have accepted that my Dad is gone ( Not happy about it obviously) but the trauma of watching him pass away is what haunts me day after day, it will be 1 year next week & im literally dreading it.
Dad died of lumg cancer and it took 3 days for him to pass in unbearable circumstances and I just cant get over it 
Apologies I feel.like ive just gone on about myself! I am sure these experiences will fade for us & the good memories will power through, but for now just allow yourself to process what you have been through 
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