It is just 10 weeks ago that he died suddenly and unexpectedly.
I am thinking of his death, his absence and what he is missing.
He would have loved this last week of good weather.
We had been talking about what we do when it came.
I must admit my thoughts are in the main negative and depressing.
I tell myself I’m still in the early stages of grief.
I am trying to face and experience my grief but it is overwhelming.
Yesterday was very bad.
I have many lovely memories over nearly 50 years.
They sometimes come to mind and then I start crying, thinking I won’t be making any more memories with him.
I will try to focus a bit more on the positives side of my memories.
Aw … are you . Yes i arill do some days too but HAD to have it on every dingle day at beginning. The reason i found all the above i told you helpful is because there were certain people , mainly family who just wanted me to act as if i could forget the last 37 years i had with my husband ! Namely my stupid father who said weeks after his funeral - well hes gone now ! What an idiot ! Not really spoken to him since then ! I had forgotten what a totally insensitive man he is !! X
I had a family member with me. I happened to look at the clock and it was the time they pronounced him dead.
So I mentioned this and was told in no uncertain terms that they it would be better not to have clocks in the house. This was very soon after he died.
You really see people in a different light don’t you.
A few weeks ago I worked out in days how long we had been together,
just over 18,500 days.
At the time I think it was something like 56 days since he died and I thought how can I expect to feel better after such a short time.
Today, it is exactly 10 weeks, a.though it feels so much longer.
So it is a sad day but I am going to try and think of the good times and not cry so much
Thank you so much for being in contact, it really helps me!
So you should be!!!
I cant get used to the me or the i or the mine. I still say our house, Our garden, do you what it still is our house and our garden. I still call the house i lived in with my mother and father home. When i was at home. The parents are ling since gone and so is the house. I haven’t lived with them for more than 49 years. It doesnt mean that the home i had with Steve wasn’t home but i still do that when talking to sisters and remembering growing up. When we lived at home. Silly. But thats how our minds work i think. Steve however was everything to me. I will never apologise for saying that!!!
2 weeks after my husband died i was talking onine to my sisters and telling them that a friend wants to take me out for lunch and a catch up. One sister said " oh thats great. Get your glad rags on" WTAF.
Thats how i feel. Looking at the memories make me sad i wont make any more with him. And looking ahead all i can think is im alone. He promised me we would live to 97. We would die together, me just a few minutes before him. He promised me he would be there when i died. Instead i was holding his hand. Its the only promise to me he never kept!
I wear his jumpers, joggers and t shirts. I wore his coat every day. He died in February and we had some cold winds. His coat is big but i dont care. I talk to his photo. Well i tell him off for leaving me. I changed the furniture around. I have done it the way i thought it would work better Steve disagreed. So after i changed it i told him " See i was right. Its a lot better now." I forgot my sister was there. She laughed and said " you tell him!" Then we both laughed and i cried a bit!
I have worn something of my husbands every single day since the day he died.
It also helps when I do the washing, because I’m still washing and ironing his clothes
I moved house not long after my husband of 54 years died and I had been in that house with him for 46 years. It wasn’t the best decision but I moved just a few miles from the lovely place I lived to a not such nice area to be nearer to my family as I was assured by them that it would be better as I am getting older. My one son and his family are very supportive but the other one is governed by his wife and family issues so not as thoughtful and doesn’t like to think of me as being sad…just want me to be as I was in that life with my husband but how can I be that same person. I wish many times that I had remained in my home where my memories are. I find all memories painful and bitter sweet and just hate the life without my husband who has been dead now for 22 months. I struggle every day and weep every day too so how do we get through this?
I live 27 miles away from the town me and my husband was born in.
All my family live there. It has been said to me that some of the family have wondered if i will move back to be close to them. I said no. I live in a sea side town. I have friends. Some family come to stay and i have friends here. I also belong to a choir. If i go back to the city i was born in i would not feel so safe. All city’s have problems and of course some of those problems exist where i live, not on the same scale. I have neighbours i know would give help if i needed it. Where i live in the old town there is a lot of events that i can attend. Workshops to crafts that i like to do. Friendly cafés i can spend time in. Shopping is easy as its 5 mins walk to the shops. Im not giving up a home we both wanted for so long for something intangible. I know what i have and im keeping it. If i get too sad i go and take a walk on the sea front. You cant stay depressed when the tide sounds remind you life is for living. I am sad but i would be worse.
dear @Pat91
I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
It’s so hard isn’t it. Coming up to 21 months for me, on the 24th.
Every day is hard work. I’m struggling a lit just lately. Got to the end of a2022 in what I now realise was a blur. Stumbled through 2023 convincing myself none of it was true. Since the new year 2024, everything has been so damn hard on. No one else cares anymore, noone asks how I am, everyone else is s carrying on as if nothing has happened, everyone thinks I’m doing okay, doing well even.
I’m not. I’m broken. And I’ll never be mended.
The sunshine doesn’t help. Everyone else ‘happy happy happy’ out and about laughing and smiling .
And everyone thinking the sun should make me feel better. Why???!!!
In truth the sunny weather just makes it harder. Everyone making plans for summer holidays and days out…
Sorry everyone, as I said when I started this thread, I’m just having a very wobbly time of it at the moment.
you did well not to swear ! X