Hello everyone,
I’ve had a really, really wobbly day.
I’m having to deal with doing things in the house and garden that I simply can’t ignore any longer.
(20 months for me now)
Having to make decisions, and changes to our home - both inside and in the garden is so, so hard.
I feel so emotional and totally exhausted even thinking about the changes I know need dounf
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Unless you have to as a matter of urgency then don’t…you are clearly not ready so wait until it feels right for you. Your heart and soul is more important than bricks and mortar. There is no timescale for anything so try not to put yourself under any pressure
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Hello everyone,
I’ve had a really, really wobbly day.
I’m having to deal with doing things in the house and garden that I simply can’t ignore any longer.
(20 months for me now)
Having to make decisions, and changes to our home - both inside and in the garden is so, so hard.
I feel so emotional and totally exhausted even thinking about the changes I know need dealing with… Never mind actually starting to address them
Yesterday I had someone come and look at issues in house, which will need work on guttering etc , and then redecorating inside house. It’s on the front wall of our 2 up 2 down little terrace house , and the redecorating is for our bedroom and living room.
And today had to deal with stuff in garden. Digging over the vegetable patch I lovingly worked on … Growing vegetables, and cooking for my husband. Can’t deal with that anymore, no point growing vegetables that I won’t eat!!! It’s now all dug over and extra strong weed suppressor laid over it all .
It’s all too much , and tonight I’ve had a proper breakdown. Sobbing all alone.
Just hoping and praying my husband is looking down and approving of the necessary changes to our home that I have to make 
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Hi @LynT ,
Not my day…I was trying to edit my first post, and it would not let me, I think it’s how I wanted it now xxx
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Thank you @LynT
I think I my full post is there now xx
Unfortunately some of the things, especially those related to the house cannot be ignored any longer… Black mould in our bedroom from guttering problem. I hadn’t noticed as still sleeping downstairs on sofa! 
Xxxx
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Well look at it another way, you are prevented the home you built together from being neglected and preserving it
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Thank you @LynT
That’s such a lovely way of viewing it.
You have helped me.
And hopefully my Phil is looking down, and approving of the changes that need doing xx
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Feel so much for your situation…as with everyone on here…no answers…
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You can only edit for a while and then its timed out … just so you know x
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That is what gets me emotional too. That every decision is now mine to make.
Steve did so much and so much of the house is what he has made or mended.
It will feel like im loosing more and more of him as i make changes. We were each others strength. I dont know where i will get strength from now to face the challenge of life. I feel vulnerable weak and very frightened.
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Dear @UnityMan @Deb5 @Patty1
Thank you all for reading my post and your replies.
I know there are no real answers, no easy fixes, but it does really help to know others get how I’m feeling.
And the little nuggets of wise words … Like yours @LynT .
That’s how will approach it now.
‘I’m not making changes, I’m preserving our home’ .
For us both.
Love hugs and strength to you all for another of those Sundays!
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And love and hugs back to you @Cathphil … its a hard road we are on. Your husband would be so proud youre doing your house up ! He would xxx
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What keeps me going is knowing every step and change I have to make, he is here with me, willing me on. It is still ‘us’, ‘we’ ‘our’ because love doesn’t separate. The biggest thing that has helped me through this shit show is I keep telling myself, it is only his body that is not here.
Hot, hot Sunday today so not venturing far. Love and hugs to everyone xx
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I do same @LynT i feel like hes still here with me … they tell you to do that in bereavment counselling … to keep them close. I can feel his spirit close by me and i still talk to him a lot to my photos and just general stuff … not done my journal much recently so maybe should start that again x
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Sending you a big hug.
I understand
Rose x
I haven’t had bereavement counselling yet, still on a waiting list.
Keep them close …… could you explain a bit more?
Is that photos? Talking to them?
Thank you,
Rose x
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Just remembering them, like i used to wear his dressing gown all the time, his tshirts, talk to his photos, think about what he would tell me to do in a difficult situation, write in a journal to him as if i was speaking to him. Really helps xx
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Thank you. I really appreciate that.
Will follow this advice.
Still wear his dressing gown.
Love,
Rose x
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Journalling is something I have always done, for years, it’s getting everything out of your system, so very therapeutic. Counselling didn’t help me at all but journalling did and also not resisting what I was/am feeling but acknowledging it instead. Keeping them close is ‘continuing bonds’ which is a huge part of healing. It’s about taking the focus off death and focusing on their life xx
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It’s 12 months for me now and looking after the house seems so overwhelming I have never had to do everything alone,anyway after putting it off for months I’m having my bathroom completely renovated,my house is like a plumbers merchants this weekend every room full of stuff.It’s going on take another week but I have decided after all I have been through why bother about it It’s only inconvenience for a couple of weeks.As I say we have all been through much worse one way or another.
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