Hi everyone. My dad passed away 2 weeks on Friday. I was due to go back to work today I was feeling OK up until the funeral and the shock and reality of everything has kicked in. Yesterday I was having panick attacks all day and night, I’m not thinking straight and feeling ill. My partner called my boss because he was really worried about me and wanted to tell her what’s happened and if I could maybe have a couple more days. She didn’t answer but text back saying that she has already rearranged clients 2 times due to me being off and couldn’t do it again. She was quiet rude to me yesterday and tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to have a few more days to heal. I’m going to call her later but I feel as though it will be very awkward now and I don’t even know if I want to go back. Any advice? Thanks
My first response is to tell her to stick it. I have no idea how employers think that an employee can and should come back to work so soon after losing someone so close. Some people thrive being back
At work and it keeps their mind occupied. Some People such as myself needed and took several months off. It’s down to that individual person. If you are not up to it. Then you are not up to it. I would get a drs certificate and have some time off to grieve and look after your emotional well-being. And in the meantime look at other options for a job. You can get another job. But you will not get another chance to properly heal yourself if you don’t do it now.
My neice had over a month of work when her mum passed away. She’s, recently had to take some more time of due to greif. She got signed of by her gp, maybe that’s a option for you.
You’re employer sounds heartless.
Yes bristles forgot that bit.
Called boss today to see where we were up to. I spoke calmly and with compassion because I know she’s stressed. She told me that it was disgusting that I told her the day before about wanting a few more days off… She told me how she had to do extra work and people had to cover etc… I said yes well I haven’t planned for this to happen kinda lost my sh** and told her I’m not going back. Awful times.
When my mum died unexpectedly and suddenly 16 months ago I was so traumatised that I was signed off work by my GP.
For 1 month initially which turned to 4.
I returned to work for 8 hours a week in the october which slowly increased until I was working full time again by the december.
I now work as effectively as I ever did although I live with the constant sadness over the loss of my mum.
Go to your GP and get signed off.
It will make such a difference to coming to terms with what has happened.
I can’t beleive how rotton you’re employer is being.
I am sorry for your loss and for the additional stress of having an employer who has put pressure on you to come back because it is stressful for her! rather than to consider how stressful and hard this time is for you.
Unfortunately, the law is not yet on the side of those who grieve. Sue Ryder is currently campaigning to change this, so that people will be entitled to bereavement leave.
This is the link to an article about the current situation for employees:
Have you had a look at your contract of employment? There may be something in there that could be helpful. Have you officially resigned, or just told your boss you are not coming back?
Depending on your financial situation, you may be better off speaking with your GP and if he considers you are not fit too work, that would at least give you some income. Or, if your employer changes her mind and asks you to reconsider, do you have some annual leave left that you could take? For your boss to find a new employee who can take over what you did will probably much harder than to allow you some time off and make her wiling to negotiate.
With regards to anxiety and panic attacks - that is not uncommon after a loss and you will find others on this site who have experienced that. There is lots of helpful advice on how to reduce anxiety and deal with panic attacks on the internet, for example on the NHS site.
I hope that your work situation will soon be resolved. It sounds like yo. have a very supportive partner .
Take care of yourself.
Meg this is so bad. Well done for telling her to stick it but I can’t believe you were forced into that position. How awful and this is not a place that would be supportive to you in the future if they are like this now already but I am sorry this happened to you at a time you needed it least.
Also 2 weeks is nothing… Its totally ridiculous to expect you to go to normal after such a massive loss. All the best to you, take care.
I know I can’t believe the stress of what I’ve dealt with. My dog had to get put down yesterday aswell it’s horrendous.
I’m so sorry to read about your dog. It sounds ridiculous but I still get upset about our hamster who died just before my mum. I think to myself, how can I even think about the hamster when ive lost my lovely mum? But it’s a different feeling. My sisters dog died a couple of months ago and I’m still upset. X
Thank you. Its not ridiculous atall pets become part of the family. I feel like I can’t even greive for the dog just yet because I’m still upset about my dad passing. It’s just awful and with everything going on in the world Im struggling a lot. Im sending you love and hugs x
You too. Thankyou x
@Meg.el94 so sorry for you with all these things. My cats are keeping me getting out of bed each morning so I really feel for you also losing your dog. Wish I had some comfort for you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and I’m angry to hear about your boss. Disgusting behaviour! Really hoping the right solution comes to you. Xx
Good on you girl! Vile woman! Clearly never lost anyone that close to her!! Despicable xx
Thank you. My partner has been amazing and is building me an outbuilding in the garden where I can set up my own business so I’ve turned something awful into something good, and what’s funny aswell is at my dads funeral they played ‘it’s all too beautiful’ and it was playing in b&q when we went to buy all the materials. I think it was his was of saying I was doing the right thing