Worried Mum’s Not Coping

My Dad died very suddenly 3 weeks ago. My mum is devastated. They were together 63 years. She’s not eating well and hardly sleeping. Today was a really bad day as I had to take her shopping to get an outfit for the funeral on Monday. She couldn’t remember her PIN number and ended up in tears then managed to fall over and hurt herself. We have been trying to be there all the time so she’s not on her own but now it’s not possible. We all have work and our own commitments. She’s on her own tonight for only the 2nd time since it happened but she’s got herself into s state about it. I’m really worried. She keeps saying she wants to be with Dad and there’s nothing left for her. How can I help her?

Hi Elliesmum

Sorry to hear about the sad loss of your Dad. Father’s Day this weekend will be a difficult day for you as your grief is so raw. I know you are worried about your Mum but all the things you are describing are very familiar to those of us who have lost our husbands. At first there is a sort of brain fog which is why your Mum can’t remember her PIN number. I kept losing my keys and then I couldn’t remember where I’d left the car. Sometimes it ended in tears of frustration. Having accidents is also very common as is not wanting to carry on. It does get a bit better but it takes time. The only thing you can do is be there for her and listen. You may want to try and get her some Grief Counselling. A lot of people have found it helps. Ringing her every day will also help. I don’t know if she is able to use a computer but if she can tell her to come onto this site because everyone here understands what she is feeling and it is somewhere she can get support.

It’s early days for you all - just take it a day at a time.

Yvonne

Thank you Yvonne. It helps to know that its normal for her to feel that way. It would be lovely if she could use a computer but unfortunately I don’t think she is interested. I think it would help her to get counselling but she won’t talk to anyone outside the family at the moment. I hope this will get better with time. It’s a really tough time for all of us. I can’t believe I’ve lost my lovely Dad so quickly and I rage about the unfairness of it all. Sorry about the rant. I’m so sorry for your loss xx

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