Keep worrying that the guilt and grief is going to consume me and that my darling son will be taken into care because his dad cant cope.
I cant cope with this grief of losing his mummy.
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So sorry for your loss.
Worry and fear, feeling vulnerable and not able to cope are parts of grief.
They are such strong feelings that overwhelm us.
So many of us understand this and feel this.
For myself, take it slowly, maybe hour by hour. Do not put huge pressure on yourself.
Concentrate on the next small task.
Tackle things you think you can do. So it could be, getting some food for your son.
If you can cook or heat up something for him that is good but if you can’t then maybe a take away or sandwich for now?
What other things can you do for your son. Does he have clothes for tomorrow?
Little by little.
Have you got anyone to talk to?
Anyone to support you, for instance shopping, laundry. Either being with you or doing it for you.
Continue to share with us here. Support is here.
Take care x
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Im in a hotel with my son because the funeral is in 2 days. I suppose i could ask if they have a laundry thingy so that we can wash and dry our clothes. Need to get him dinner for tonight. He had a bath and breakfast. I just keep on crying and crying and crying
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Crying is a natural reaction for many people. It can be a release.
Please don’t give yourself a hard time for showing how much you loved her.
Big hug x
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My wife died 7 weeks ago , I am 52 and could have counted on one hand the amount of times I had cried in my life until then , now I cry at any little thing that reminds me of her and what I have lost , my kids have hardly cried and seem to be taking the loss much better than me , we all deal with it differently I guess and never know how we will until it happens to us .
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I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are experiencing We are all individuals and cope so differently
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Try and look after yourself It’s such a demanding time Thinking of you
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Apart from the grief itself does anyone else worry about the future? Lost husband from cancer last December (57 yrs married)! I am physically well myself and have wonderful family and friends, but have a largish house which needs maintaining! Trying not to think too far ahead but need to be sensible! Do I hang on where essence of husband all around, or consider moving nearer one of my kids? any thoughts appreciated! xx
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Yes, at times I am fearful of the future. I must admit, when this happens I try to distract myself.
For me, it is just 2 months of bereavement, although it feels like a lifetime, so too soon for me to think about anything more than a few days a head.
Perhaps, you could start by writing down the. pros and cons of staying and
those for moving.
For me, the house is my safe space. There are a few things that I will have to get done in the house. My husband was waiting for the better to do a couple of them.
It is such a personal decision that will vary from person to person. Rather like some people do not want to part with their loved ones clothes and others feel they cannot bear to look at them. Obviously, what to with your home is a major decision.
Take care x
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yes agree with home being a safe place and of course the choice will be between nearer kids or staying near friends!! We have lived in house 53 yrs and put so much effort into it - couldnt budge husband re moving which we should have done 10 yrs ago! xx
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Dear Grieving Dad,
I’ve been thinking of you all day and how tough it must be for you to be trying to care for a young son whilst in such emotional turmoil yourself.
Have you got any family, grandparents perhaps, who could help out a bit with your son while you are in such pain? It sounds to me as if you really need some practical help so you can be more “together” (or at least pretend to be) when you are with your son.
Sending hugs and hopes that the funeral goes reasonably smoothly.
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@AnnieMacG
Thank you so much for thinking of me. It was extremely difficult, i cried uncontrollably and was worried why i wasnt crying beforehand, but as soon as i saw her coffin i fell to pieces. Some of the people there were looking at me with negative glances, but then, most of them are drug users and hell bent on drama due to the initial negative media representation of myself. However, my love for her was never going to be stop me going because of those circumstances. Family supported me, and i love them so much for it They all rallied round and supported me and my son. It was powerful. x
Still grieving though, comes in waves…
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I moved to be nearer to my family 12 months after my husband of 54 years died 18 months ago. I have found it emotionally very difficult to settle although the house is very nice and i am only 5 minutes walk away from one son and 10 minutes from the other one. But they and their families are busy and I know so few people here whereas I knew so many people after 46 years in my old house. But I am 81 years old and felt i needed to be near to them although I was only 25 minutes drive away before but i worried and was in turmoil when my lovely husband died. I’m hoping that as time goes on i will feel happier here but will always miss my husband forever. So take your time in deciding…I rushed into it actually as I was so distraught and felt I was so bewildered by everything that had happened. However my head tells me that in the long term I haver made the right decision as family are more important than friends and acquaintances but my heart tells me that i miss the familiar places where I was with my husband.
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I think we have to start thinking twice about going up ladders once we live on our own! I always carry my mobile phone with me in the garden now in case I fall and need to summon help. Certainly not planning on keeping Neil’s big petrol driven chainsaw!
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That’s why I’m thinking of keeping my little electric one! Feet firmly on the ground, special gloves and goggles, sawbench steady.
I’m only planning on using ladders for clearing the gutters. So yes, the cats (or more likely buzzards and foxes) may eat me before I’m found if I’m unlucky enough to knock myself out or smash the phone.
It’s a happier thought than the prospect of slowly getting dementia and no one noticing or being here to care for me.