Saw a old friend of ours today and he asked if I am better now. I said better from what I haven’t been ill I’m grieving it’s not an illness. Then he said well life goes on ummm for you maybe you still got your wife my husbands dead. I thought one day mate you may know what it’s like and I can return the comment.
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How awful, some people can be so unfeeling. Sorry for your loss. My wife passed just over two years ago. These things do sadly happen. Just yesterday, whilst shopping, a person who knew both of us in a professional capacity, saw me enter the shop and with a friend, ran away to get out so as not to have to speak to me. A former landlord of ours, after 8 months, asked me if I was “over it yet?”. It doesn’t happen very often and as with your “life goes on” incident, it happens when we least expect it and from people who really should know better. Sometimes I despair and two years on, I still find it upsetting but most people have been helpful and supportive. Again, my condolences
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I know it breaks your heart doesn’t it. I have a good friends who also lost her husband but they wasn’t together that long. She told me I would soon “feel like my old self” really ? It’s been 18 months and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. She also told me once I got my husbands finances sorted to “go and treat myself” as I would feel better !!! Again really ? As if anything will make me feel better. Apart from these crass comments she has been really supportive I just think people don’t get it and think that everyone grieves the same when we evidently don’t. I’ll never be the same person I was before which is a shame because I liked that person. Now I just plod on day after day doing what I can to keep busy.
Love to all of us
Georgina
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I know is hard but you just need to ignor the comments, like iv said before, unless your in it, you never know it, I know people are all different but not that long ago I was in their shoes. I didn’t have to worry about grief, people are ignorant, I’m not condoning their actions, they just don’t know, I guess
Love and hugs to all
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Thank you. Yes I know they don’t mean them harshly and I of course ignore them but sometimes I just wish people would just think before saying stuff. I’m doing ok really considering and these comments hurt less then they did initially. But they are few and far between it’s just the odd one that hits a nerve and starts me blubbing again.
Thank you for your kind thoughts
Georgina
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Also Georgie I too am just dreading Christmas. I used to love all the hype of it. But this be my first without her, never ever envisaged in my life I’d be alone at Christmas, got my daughters but they got their own lives, yes we be together at Christmas but only you guys in here know the real pain of them going home and us closing that door, then clock watching fir bed time to get some rest from the constant mind battle. Anyway that’s enough of the negatives, I guess we all learnt life’s fragile and as such we should be thankfull we still here to enjoy our family, my thoughts also with anyone in the groupe who literally has no one.
Anyone in that situ must message, don’t just sit alone reading, love and hugs to you
Ian x
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Hi Ian
I had my first Christmas alone last year and although all the family rallied around it was still so painful. I kept up with them all and for the sake of the grandchildren I joined in but my broken heart was aching so much. Yes we are lucky to have people around us who care and we must carry on if only because our loved one would want us to.
All the best
Georgina
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This will be my third Christmas without Rosie. It’s just not the same .
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Hi Georgina, I too had my first Christmas alone.
I lost my husband of 52years married on 12th Dec. The thought of putting up the tree and decorations was horrible. I really didn’t want to do it without him. My one son has two young daughters and he said did I still want him to bring them up boxing day, they were spending Christmas Day with their other Grandparents. Although it was going to be painful I said yes and the tree would go up. it broke my heart to do this without him but I felt that it was what he would have done if it had been me gone. People have said am I ok as it was so close to Christmas. No I’m not ok, but I carry on. Christmas will never be the same for me or my children, but we will learn to live with it.
Life has to go on, however painful it might be but they are always with us in our thoughts
Take care everyone xx
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Thank you for your message. This year will be my second Christmas without my John and I am dreading it more than last year for some reason. Members of the family have invited me over but I just can’t get my head around it. I keep saying we have plenty of time to decide but I just want to go to sleep and wake up in the New Year. I have no enthusiasm about anything at the moment and seem to be engulfed in a black cloud. Like
most of us I tell my family I have fine but deep down I am drowning in this heartache. Last Christmas everyone rallied round but this year rightly so they should be with other members of their family. I would rather stay at home but my sons won’t hear of that so I’ll have to pull myself together and go with the flow. I’m off to Australia on the New Year to visit some family and I just need to get away from everything familiar and take a break. Sorry to rant which is unusual for me but at the moment I’m not doing so well 
Much love
Georgina
Hi Georgina, I know how you feel. I too want to remove myself from all familiar. It’s too painful being here at home where I can imagine him in every room. I went away in August for a week with my son and his daughters as it was something me and my husband had talked about before he passed away. My son and his wife had split up and he was going to take the girls on his own. Although it was nice being with them it felt wrong that I could carry on as if nothing had happened. But it was what Keith would have wanted me to do. He always said that if anything happened to him, to enjoy life as you never know what’s around the corner. I can’t do that yet as it is far too soon. I don’t know if I ever will, I can’t have my old life back and very unsure what the future holds. But as the saying goes life must go on, however painful that may be. Take Christmas with your family, it will be hard but they are feeling it too. Look forward to your trip to Australia, you might not feel great about it but I think the break will be good for you.
There are times when I think what’s the point of doing anything and I just sit there and cry, but then I think would Keith want me to be like this, the answer is no. He would probably have had a moan at me, how I miss his voice he could always see the positive side. We miss them every day, we always will but we have to carry on.
Take care much love
Denise
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I have been invited out for drinks on saturday a work mates birthday,not had a good couple of days so not in the mood to socialize,I too have had a few silly comments which have hit a raw nerve and it hurts
take care
steve
Thank you 
Denise.
I’ve just dragged myself around Tesco as my son and his family are visiting Sunday so at least I’ve done that. Have a swim booked later hopefully I’ll feel better when I get back.
Just plodding on that just what we all do isn’t it ?
Best wishes
Georgina
Hi Georgina I know what you mean my two eldest grandchildren are coming round Sunday for lunch. Roast dinner is on the cards. The first one since I lost him. Bittersweet moment
Take care
Denise
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Am dreading it too - it will be our granddaughter’s first Christmas so it should be a happy occasion and it will be but not for me.
Our son suggested going to the other grandparents’ but that would be horrendous - the other nanny will have her 2 (!) husbands there (one an ex but it is all v amicable) and there will be me without mine.
2 main things I am dreading - Christmas Eve - as me and Tony always used to have a nice meal - just the 2 of us after the children went to bed (or in more recent years were out!)
I have (half joking) said to our daughter that I want to go somewhere where they don’t celebrate Christmas
and I am dreading people saying so what are your plans (somebody said this to me last week and I cried - it had been only 2 weeks at the time - people don’t ‘expect’ me to say my husband has passed - as he was ‘young’ - 49 years old.
Tony was also the one who cooked Christmas dinner - as he was due a stem cell transplant in November we used to joke that that would mean me cooking for the first time - which he wasn’t looking forward to! He used to say that he was ill enough without my cooking on top of that
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