I’m dreading todaynwould appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
My darling marian was my heart and my life, without her I feel lost & lonely.
She died 27th May 2022 and the rawness of emotions I feel are so painful. I am on week 5 of bereavement counselling and for me it brings up so much pain I wonder how it is helping to be honest
My faith is strong but these emotions drain me of the joy of life I had when my beloved was alive.
I went to a place we would have gone to for our anniversary “date” and ending up just crying in the high street.
When does this ease up please, I’m really not sure what to do apart from praying which I find comfort in. However the pain seems really resilient, is it because it is so new and raw do you think or am I trying to walk before I can crawl?
Hi @jomar, I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s very early days for you, the pain will ease in time but don’t expect to much so soon. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.
It been 17 months for me, and I still celebrate our wedding anniversary, to me I’m still married even though he’s not physically here, so I going to wish you happy 55th wedding anniversary to you and Marian. I still buy a card and and usually something for the garden like solar lights so Doug can see them from his heavenly place.
I put alot of faith in God too and he has helped me get though difficult times, It always reminded me of the footprints poem, when I thought I was one my own he was carrying me.
You will be in my prayers
Sending love and God Bless
Debbie X
It is still very early days for you @jomar.
As @Flower_garden said, it would be more concerning if you weren’t feeling heartbroken just a matter of weeks on from losing your lovely wife of 55 years.
As couples, we become enmeshed in each others lives.
We become like a well oiled tag team where one takes over where the other left off.
Bereavement is like losing half of your brain.
You’re suddenly in a position where everything is down to you.
There’s no-one to share the load with you (Even those who are lucky enough to have good friends and family find it is just NOT the same).
That load, includes the emotional burden as well as the practical stuff.
It’s a huge weight to carry and we all need a period of adjustment so that we can learn to function as an independent being, both practically and emotionally.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Cut yourself some slack.
You are entitled to cry in the High Street - and, anywhere else when it hits you.
You don’t adjust to the loss of 55 years of love and companionship in just a few weeks.
Take care.
Dear Jomar,
Your loss is so recent that you are a jumble of raw edges where your dear one has been torn from you. The pain makes you cry out in despair.
I can promise you that this particular agony will pass but for now and in the times to come when the sorrow envelopes you, try to think of the best gift you could give to her. It’s what I do and it helps. I say it aloud, “This hateful pain is the price to pay for 60 years of love and I’m glad to bear it so that you will never have to suffer it. It’s the best thing I can ever do for you, my love.”
I then offer it to God and ask for help to bear it.
There is an awful lot of this I’m afraid. At first, we almost feel the need to hold onto the pain because it is all we have left and there is a fear that if the pain fades, so will our dear one.
I am a long way ahead of you on this hateful journey, with no family and all our old friends gone on before. My days are spent in silent solitude but, far from fading, the more I am able to let the pain go, the more clearly I see, hear and feel the love that bound us together all those years ago and which will reunite us at last.
God bless.
So sorry for the delay in replying but simply been taking all my energy getting through each day to be honest.
It’s the waves of grief that keep hitting me unexpectedly with no warning that are really affecting me. I was ok yesterday I think but Saturday and today just keep crying and want to see and hold her again.
I know it’s not possible but I wish my head would tell my heart that or vice versa.
Right now it’s the “we were only less than 2 months away from our 55th wedding anniversary why couldn’t we make it?” Then I remember the loss of sight, the nausea, the head pain and disorientation etc. and guilt hits me like a sledge hammer for being so selfish to even think and wish that.
My prayers are for you to be completely well and out of all pain and discomfort now and to pray for me also.
I’ve had a perpetual Mass being said for you at the St Therese of Lisieux convent, I know she is also watching us.
My thoughts are all over the place. Just over 5 months, surely I should be slowly getting better but the thought of you not being here just tears me apart. It’s like we were 2 sheets of paper stuck together and when we “temporarily separated” tearing them apart damaged my heart a great deal.
Who am I even talking to here? I call your name I love so much, “Marian” and it echos around our empty bungalow as if the echos are searching everywhere for you as well.
Forgive my ramblings on here and keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I remember all who have also lost a precious loved one on here also.
Was doing comparatively well today. Went up-to the shops and unexpectedly bumped into someone I hadn’t seen in ages.
I was unprepared when she asked how my darling wife was and I had to tell her what had happened and then it seems everything let loose, my emotions and my tears are non stop again. This pain is absolutely awful. How do I prepare if it happens again!
I’ve had my counselling and getting the Sue Ryder text helps but I seem as vulnerable & emotional as I was in May when she was “temporarily separated” from me.
Yes, my faith helps knowing I will see her again one day, but this present pain and vulnerability I do not know how to handle.
Sorry, just sounding off on her to get it out my system.
