My life completely fell apart within a single phonecall in May. I was on the other side of the world in New Zealand when I received the news that my dad had died suddenly. He was the most recent chat in my inbox with multiple voice messages I was yet to listen to (but at this point couldn’t bring myself to). I still send him messages as if he’ll reply but he never does of course. Within 12 hours my dad was being referred to as a “body” with talks of a post-mortem and the death certificate needed for a compassionate flight. Me, my sisters and my mum were all on the other side of the world and we had to raise the funds to get back to him in time to say our goodbyes to him. It was absolute chaos trying to move out of my flat asap. This panic, constant admin and long-haul flight made the shock and grief even more unbearable. Jetlagged and completely devastated, we go to my dad’s house and it’s like everything is frozen in time. Traces of him everywhere as if he’d just popped out to the shop. His room smelt so strongly of him, his plans for early retirement scribbled onto paper in his office, my name written all over his calendar as I was meant to meet him for father’s day (just weeks later). We somehow managed to muster the strength say goodbye to his body in the chapel of rest and my sisters and I organised the entire funeral. We are all under 30 years old and never expected to lose him so soon let alone so suddenly. I keep having flashbacks and panic attacks. I keep having dreams that I’m sobbing in his arms saying “I wanted to tell you I love you, I can’t believe you’re not going to hold my newborn babies or walk me down the isle”. Everyday is the same now. I congratulate myself for mustering up the energy to shower. If it wasn’t for my partner preparing 3 meals a day for me I would hardly eat. Some days I feel completely numb and others I sob endlessly. My partner doesn’t know what to do and I get equally as frustrated that I feel I’m making no progress. I’m absolutely exhausted and I have no motivation for anything, things I used to be passionate about just don’t matter to me anymore. I try doing the things that used to bring me joy and they don’t. Even simply going out for a walk feels impossible.
Hello @megan94 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
So sorry about your loss! Thats devastating 
i can only imagine what you are going through. I have to fly to a funeral ofy dad who passed away 3 days ago. I am devastated. Really dont want to leave the house…
I’m so sorry @AnnaRose Was his passing also sudden and unexpected? Where are you flying from? I had to get an urgent prescription for some anti-anxiety meds for the flight as it can be quite surreal and overwhelming when you’re grieving. Do you have any support around you? I’m always here for a chat and my heart is with you at this difficult time 
go easy on yourself. I rarely leave the house myself but I’ve learnt to take things one step at a time and to congratulate myself for the small wins
It was unexpected, because I thought things were getting better. But he eneded up in a hospital back home and things got worse. Thank you for your message! I have to travel to Poland, but I went on a holiday last month and it was the last time i saw my dad alive, so its traumatic. I am off work this week and its hard for me to handle it especially because I am on my own. I can call my bf and talk about it. But its not helping me. Everything is just so messy right now. I cant cry anymore. I just feel guilty i wasn’t there enough. Love your beautiful picture with your dad 
hugs