Aw … it is so hard. They have left a massive hole in our lives for sure 
you did well to go to your daughters … we are all broken hearted on here ! I have just come to bed and thought - thsnk god today is over !!! Dont have to lidten to all the false tripe about xmas ! Did you hear Charles’s message at 3pm … it was spot on ! About loving your neighbour and helping others … i really hope people listen to that message ! The world has got so self-centred ! There are people like us grieving … not cos we want to - because we dont have any choice ! They need to care more. Night anyway and look after yourself ! Lets hope 2024 is better for us xx
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@Sah28 i feel i do block it out at times because of the kids because they’ve lost one parent and i can’t have them lose another… but i do break down from time to time and can’t hold it in so i will just cry and cry.
i just don’t want to carry on with life its so dull and dark now and just pointless x
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Takeing my self for a walk,it’s a beautiful sunshine 
day here in guisborough, I feel I must go on . Yesterday was a living hell for me . Life has to get better, it really must . Sending everyone my love , take care x
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@Paul2. I hope you enjoy your walk in the sunshine. I think so many of us had a dreadful day yesterday, it was so emotional without our loved ones. I am going out today so am feeling better already and nice weather helps.
Best wishes and peace to you and everyone on here.
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Yeh I agree … it was a living hell yesterday i wonder why ? Guess its just not having them here … brings it home doesnt it on a special day like xmas day jeez i hope it gets better , i really do… i still feel quite emotional today tbh, been out in car to my daughters and all i can think is hes not sat next to me in car … made me cry … x
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Youre so positive and brave @Rome18 … braver than me … i just been out and dont feel that much better tbh …
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I agree with everyone here. It has been the hardest time of my life. Lost my beloved husband in April. I spent Christmas day with my daughter and family but I just couldn’t relax. During the late lunch I felt the onset of panic and wanted to run away. I managed to calm myself down but felt terrible. Had very little sleep last night and today have felt anxious and shaky all day. The stress of grief and loss has just about broken me. I just want to cry, go to sleep and not wake up. I miss Peter so very much and just don’t know how I’m going to get through this. Everyone is very supportive and kind but only we know how devastating the loss of a spouse can be. Whole world as we knew it turned upside down. Sending love to everyone. xxx
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I lost my mum 13th dec this year. Felt numb, coukdnt fo meal just had in laws visiting.
Missed my mum more than words can say. Miserable but pretended i was ok. Felt lost. Mum lived with us. Sorry to go on. I felt the same, waking up no excitement. No programme or music feels the same.
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I was just saying that to a friend. I just dont feel right anymore ! I dont feel like i fit in ! I dont want to go out again to anyones house but also i dont want to be on my own either !! You did well to keep calm. I find that really hard. I just cant deal with it xxx
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I’m not brave Deb, just trying to keep myself sane. I have spent most of the day at my brother’s and it was good to have company. I am back in my empty home and already crying for my dear husband. I’m going to watch the documentary about the Coronation and then Vera, so hope to be distracted before going to bed.
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Very hard , came back home after 45 minutes, just sat down and cried, back at work tomorrow, I really don’t know how iam keeping going, I feel lost lonely, and so drained trying to keep a brave face on . Only thing keeping me going is this site . One step forward and two backwards,iam back in bed it’s the only place I want to be , take care every one , and let’s all try again tomorrow x
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Yeh im watching vera too - love it !! … i know what you mean. I did really well going to my daughters for a few hours but cried on way there and on way back cos my husband wasn’t sat next to me like he always was …
So sorry, Jen. These days during Christmas have been horrible for me as well. No excitement, nothing that feels the same. When we’ve lived with them, as I did with dad and you with your mum, the emptiness is unbearable. 
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Yes i agree the emptiness is unbearable. If i didnt have two daughters i dont know if id be alive. Since my mum died the days seem to drag evennthoughni work.
I try my best for my husband and daughters but the spot my mum sat in is empty, the cat keeps going to sleep on my mums bed. Her room looks like she’s just popped out.
My whole life was entwined with my mums. The jobs i do the hours i worked. She was a blessing and somehow ive got to live without her.
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Hi- yes I know what you mean- I feel so odd at the same Xmas party we both went to last year- only person missing was my wife. Felt like she would walk in at any moment, but she didn’t. Everyone is so nice- but there’s a part of me also gone. It’s just not the same anymore. Very hard this Xmas and new year thing, this year…so hard
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Keep going Paul- don’t give in my friend. I lost my wife 4 months ago to cancer, so hard. Do the crying bit every time I go somewhere for the first time and she’s not there with me- and cry on the way home. Getting better with the tears, but I do try and stay busy- get up for early gym sessions so I am around people helps… stay in there I know its tough, but your not alone
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After waiting for granddaughter that didn’t show, I cried, watched Vera too & went to bed. I’m glad Christmas is over.
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Me too !!! and i watched vera too and then bed , but just woken up ! Think i was dreaming ? I feel like all the stress is coming back into my body again … does it ever end !!! xxx
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Well all we got through it , found it quite exhausting trying to be upbeat it’s so draining when you don’t feel anything but sadness , I’m very thankful for my fantastic family , can’t wait to get new year over take care all
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@Rugby iv found the days after really really difficult? iv struggled more the last 2-3 days, constantly feel sick and in pain… going into new year is definitely going to be so difficult but i will be tucked up in bed with my little girl sleeping… it’s a constant battle isn’t it xx
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