so here it is, xmas day! for the first time in my life i woke without any excitement/happiness and just wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the day…
our first xmas without my amazing husband and father to our 3 children.
it don’t feel real and just so so wrong…
sending to love to everyone on here suffering today! 
xx
25 Likes
Sending love to you too @Scarl34. I’m also spending my first Christmas Day without my darling husband, and it doesn’t feel that I’m in the real world.
I hope we can all get through the day as best we can. xx
8 Likes
No words to describe today. Im trying not to think about Christmas, trying to think it as a normal day. 
very sad day, but funeral in 3 days will be worse.
11 Likes
Sending my love and thoughts to you and your children. I too am alone. We didn’t make a lot of Christmas but I do miss him so much.
My neighbour will be bringing me a Christmas dinner in about an hour. I have a candle burning and have just had a glass of wine. Unusual for me now. If I drink it is one glass in an evening.
My mind goes to the past and the good times we spent together and wonders how I will survive the future but know I must find a way.
Look out for yourself and your children and survive any way you can
Xx
Sandra
8 Likes
it’s so sad we were together 20 years and he always made xmas so fun and amazing! now we’re just here trying to get through the day, my youngest is only 9 so have to try keep going… sending love to you xx
7 Likes
so so sorry… such a hard cruel time x
3 Likes
sending lots of love to you! so glad your neighbour is doing you dinner 
just trying to get through this horrific day… xxx
1 Like
If there are people who can understand exactly the feeling behind your comment then it’s us. Even with three beautiful children who represent a part of you both the pain is clear and palpable. To wake up knowing that you have to get up,see to the children,join in their Xmas fun while pushing your own suffering to the back must create enormous conflict for you even though you love them above everything.
I have just listened to a lady talking on radio4 about losing her daughter to covid,she was absolutely sobbing her heart out because she could have been with her daughter at the end but the authorities screwed up,so much suffering for her,you,me and everyone on here having lost someone,it really is insane.
I did my usual walk this morning,bit further than usual,everyone saying merry xmas so by 11:30 I’m back home with tears flowing and I promised Jacky that today it wouldn’t happen.
I often think of you and your children and wondering if you are okay,you in particular because you lost your husband so young and the children their dad, it’s heart breaking, literally.
Try and remain as strong as you feel that you can,not easy so I choose my words carefully. Take care,Mike
8 Likes
thank you mike… i feel like my own feelings are kind of pushed to the back for the kids and that scares me as i think im just going to end up being hit out of nowhere and have a massive breakdown and not be able to cope…
people say im lucky to have the kids and i know i am, but it doesn’t make the pain of losing my soulmate any easier? he was my
best friend in the world and we just loved eachother so much! just can’t believe he’s not here with us
6 Likes
@Scarl34 Thinking of you & yours today. Life is unbelievably cruel at times. I hope you get thru today ok. I’ve just poured a whisky in memory of my Dad & thought it’s so much worse for my mum. Take care of yourselves.
4 Likes
@Cee thank you! it’s literally the worst feeling… keep thinking i can’t wait for today to be over but then there’s the dreaded thought of new year xx
4 Likes
Sending you love and a big hug.
We all stick together on here, because we are hurting so much without them.
Stay strong for the funeral
much love xxx
2 Likes
Nine months on from losing my wonderful husband, l spent today with my son and his family, so got to see my 11 year old grandson and 2 year old granddaughter open their Christmas presents, which was nice. We had a late lunch and raised a glass to my beloved - his absence from the group was palpable today, he loved Christmas so much and would have set to putting together our granddaughter’s new kitchen as soon as she’d unwrapped it. He’d have been washing up, playing on the PlayStation with our grandson, reading to our granddaughter and generally enjoying every bit of the day.
I’ve come home and had a cry, spoken to my stepkids and am now sitting here on my own, missing him so much that it hurts. The pain never seems to lessen, l would give everything up to have him back with me, just so l could tell him how much l love him. But instead, l will write him a note as usual, tell him about the day and try to carry on, as he wanted me to.
Sending you all love and hugs this evening
8 Likes
Sending you all my love, first Christmas for me on my own , 8 weeks tomorrow since my wife was here . Like everyone else I am devastated , this is the worse time of my life , I got back in bed at five o’clock and being here ever since. Hopefully I can sleep, so take care everyone, x
9 Likes
Yep my sentiments entirely … i would swap everything i had in the world to have him here ! I would live in a barn 
xx
4 Likes
Yep dont blame you ! Best place when you feel like this xxx
Do you find that you hold it together for kids, staying strong, not dealing with your own emotions eg for the kids frightened of letting it all out in case you don’t get back up and you can’t do that because of the kids but then if you don’t let it out will it crush you eventually and then who will be there for the kids?
2 Likes
Today has been so hard 20 weeks since I lost my soulmate. I’ve been at my daughters and they have been great but the tears just keep coming. We opened the presents and all I could think about was the fact that he was not there to celebrate with us. I’m going home on Wednesday and dreading the new year and the loneliness. I hate this life, I am trying to present a positive attitude to my family and friends but my heart is broken and I can’t see any joy in the future. I just want to join him and be at peace
8 Likes