I put my Xmas tree up at the weekend. And I just broke down. I had some baubbles made by the hospice my son went to and I just thought this time last year he were still with us. Very ill but here. I’m dreading Xmas day. My coming for dinner and I’ve adult twins still loving with me who have autism. Realistically all I want to do that day is lock myself away. 8 months since he passed he were 20 he should still be here. X


Dear @orchard39

There are no words to describe the loss of a child and I can feel the pain in your post. I am sorry to hear of the passing of your son.

The following information may be of little help to you.
Cruse Bereavement have an article on Christmas which would be worth reading along with Coping with Grief at Christmas and Ways to Remember Someone at Christmas

Please continue to reach out and take care.


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Hi orchard yes he should be here. Our poor children taken . When there life s
Should just be beginning my sam was 25 .wicked world 4 months he was gone.sarcoma a rare cancer so wrong . I should say time heals but its so hard this sute gas been a saving grace just to chat to people who know how you feel sending my love zoe :heart:

Thanks for replying zoe. Your poor Sam aswell I’m sorry love. My James 21st birthday were Nov. So difficult. I’ve just got a memory bench for James in my garden it’s lovely. My James got diagnosed with dystonia at 16. A rare neurological condition. He were absolutely fine till then. It progressed though and took him at 20. He died on my birthday in march. I walk around and see people familys which I’m happy for them… but it doesn’t seem fair. I’ve twin sons at home aged 29 they have autism. My heart breaks . Best wishes to you and strength xx

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My daughter died in January. There no words to describe the pain, overwhelming is an understatement. Somehow tho we keep on keeping on. I put my tree up, for my grandkids. You are doing it for your twins. It’s a tough line between taking care of your twins and remembering that you could do with some support too. Your heart is broken too. This website can at least give you a safe space to talk about how you feel. I’ve found watching happy shoppers preparing for Xmas is too much. I’m staying away from shops as far as possible and ordering presents online. I’m reliably told that first christmases are painful but somehow people get through it. If you feel upset in the day and feel you have to hide it for your kids, have a cry in the loo or if you can, nip out for ten minutes in the fresh air and have a cry. Don’t expect too much of yourself, you are doing really well to just cope one day at a time. You will get through it, you don’t have to do it all perfectly, good enough really is good enough. I have help from Compassionate Friends they are well worth contacting and definately ‘get it’. Sending you the hugs you deserve. Hope to see you on Here again. Xxxxx

Hi Nel thankyou for your reply. Yes I’m already with compassionate friends have been a while. There amazing. Sending love and strength. Xx

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