Hear You. Watching Stand Up to Cancer’ tonight if I can, although; I respectfully appreciate all our losses from any disease or pathology is devastatingly heart breaking. I am thinking, we are All people of the lie” human as we can only be; we waltz through’ struggle through, but we will All lose Loved ones, but until we do… also, I think 99.9 of us will be missed if we weren’t here by our Loved ones who were left to mourn us. We will be missed; whether that’s soul mates, spouses, family members or friends. At the very least, I protected my darling of his Loss of me. He would have coped more functionally I believe.He made me a better person. Most of me died when he did. What do I so with the small part of me that’s left
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I understand how you feel. I am eternally grateful for the 60 years my wife and I were together. Like you I know Joy is there looking out for me as she always did. She is part of me and still part of our home. It is two years+ since she died but I have come to terms with it and I set out to do what she would want me to do. I have made a good many new friends and go out of my way to help others wherever I can. It was very difficult to start with but now I am able to approach complete strangers and cheerfully engage them in conversation. I am amazed that I have yet to receive a negative reaction. I like to think that by helping others I am helping myself. On the other hand they may well see me as a harmless old fool who needs humouring. 
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I’m in denial, too. I know intellectually, but emotionally I feel like it isn’t true. I’m 22 months out. It’s such a strange feeling.
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Its 8 months for me soon. Its been very weird grieving then all of a sudden its like i was hit by a truck! The only help is i take a daily walk doesnt have to be long. I talk to God, cry my eyes out. Pray. I try to talk or see a friend but nothing huge. I joined a church prayer meeting and bible study.2Hrs on 2 diff days. It forces me to get out even in the midst of my insides wanting to die. You can try a library to change scenery. Theres no one answer and by 3 pm im ready to curl on my couch near window and put on a little tv. Baby steps be kind to yourself just take it easy but if all you can fight in a day is getting washed take a short walk. Talk phone, and whatever you can. God bless.
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