Year and a half and still in pain

My mum passed away a year and a half ago and i am still in so much pain.
I miss her every day and every day without her is a struggle.
I thought by now it might get a little easier but every day i still wake up and the pain of missing her still hits me.
Last night i woke up and just lay there, it was so quiet, i was awake for hours just thinking about mum and how much i wished she was still here, then couldn’t stop crying.
Havent felt the same since she passed away, just feel so empty inside.
We were so close, and nothing feels the same now.
New years eve was really painful, hearing the fireworks going off, and having to face another year without her, just made me feel like she was getting further away from me.
Just keep thinking when is this going to end, feel so exhausted feeling like this all the time.
In life we get lessons on life skillls, but nobody every prepares you for grief, and how to deal with loss.
And then it just happens and we’re alll just supposed to just deal with it.
How are we supposed to deal with something so huge and so painful every day.
I know i,m not alone that everyone here feels this pain too, but whens it going to end …

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@Jasmine195 - my friend, your words are so full of pain - I am so sorry. The thing that has helped me get through is counselling. Talking to a specialist in grief has given me the skills you speak of, to understand what I am feeling and to learn ways to adapt and to move forward without the love of my life. Nothing will ever be the same again, for sure, but I know he would want me to move forward and take the best of all he gave me and to make the best of the life I have left. He was a practical and pragmatic man - never one to dwell on things or worry. I have tried to channel some of that and it has really helped me, too. Maybe think a little while about what your mum would say or the advice she might give you, to get through these days. Hold tight, hang on in there. Your friends here are with you and the sun will break through the clouds again x

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Thank you for your kind words. Am really sorry for your loss too. I did think about counselling but just can’t face it yet. But i remember mums words, weeks before, she said to me, you have to be strong when i am gone. And she kept telling me over and over how much she loved me. I know it would break her heart to see me like this.
I know one day , the sun will break through the clouds, and am just holding on for that day. Thank you again x

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@Jasmine195 I can so relate. I lost my dear mum suddenly in October 2022 and I just feel so empty and alone. The fact that she was with me then in the blink of an eye was gone is so enormous to comprehend. Everything seems so flat. I know she would want me to be happy and move forward with my life but it’s so difficult now. It is so true that we are taught life skills but nobody or nothing prepares for the enormity of grief.
I’ve started counselling, my therapist says that she can guide me, but ultimately grief needs to be processed by me in my own way and time frame. We have to learn to live aside it step by step, day by day. Know that you’re not alone on this awful journey.

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Hello kate, thank you, am really sorry for your loss too. Our mums play such a huge part in our lives, and like you say, its hard to really comprehend the enormity of it all.
I remember seeing mum taking her last breath, and just remember feeling really afraid and panicking, as mum had always been there in my life, and for the first time she wasn’t.
Thank you again xx

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