Hello beautiful friends,
I guess I’m like alot of people in here, I dive in and out, over the last year, when I’ve struggled, I come in, and your words are always a huge comfort, so here I am again……
This Saturday it will be a year since I lost my beautiful partner, and until today I thought I was coping well, plans to visit the crematorium Saturday, pay my respects.
Then BAM! I’ve fallen into a hole of tears, sadness and frankly, thinking will I ever be able to move on.
I feel like when I do things, like a few days away, I do them purely as a cover, just to pretend things are ok, if that makes sense?
People see me, ‘moving on’ but it’s just a farce, I drink more to escape the pain, I go to bed at 6pm, I long to escape constantly, away from the hurt.
As I’m laying here now I think ‘ do I go to work tomorrow’ am I more dangerous at work than at home (I work machinery) but then what do I do at home? Drink? Feel sad?
When does this cycle end? HOW does it end?
I honestly don’t know what to do.
Hi Ade. I lost my partner Theresa in March of this year, we were together 35 years. I’ve went through my first without her, she would have turned 70 on the first of July. My first birthday without her , I’ve now got my own birthday in December, then Christmas ,then the new year, not looking forward to it. Take care
It’s not easy Alex, but my advice would be to talk, even if it’s just on here, it does help.
I hope you can find some peace in the coming weeks.
Hello @Ade188,
I’m so sorry to hear that it will be a year this Saturday since the death of your partner. It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling at the moment. Many people on the community describe feeling like they’re coping, and then suddenly being hit by a wave of grief and sadness when a significant date is coming up.
Whether it has been one, five or ten years since the person you’re grieving for died, coping with a death anniversary can bring about new feelings each year. You might find our support page on coping with anniversaries helpful to read.
I’m really sorry to hear that you are turning to alcohol as a way of coping. We know that grief can be so painful to cope with, and I’m glad you’ve reached out for support here. The NHS website has a guide on getting support with alcohol issues if you feel it would be helpful.
Take care and keep reaching out,
Harriet
Hi, my heart goes out to you I really get how you’re feeling. It’s been 13 months since I lost my partner suddenly.
I had gradually begun to feel better able to cope with the sadness and loneliness, but his 1st anniversary has set me back months. It sent my anxiety soaring and I m crying every day again. Some people didn’t even acknowledge the day, others were incredibly kind. The dark thoughts I had in the beginning have resurfaced again.
I had hoped the second year would be a bit easier but I ve read that it can be even worse, if that’s possible, for some people. I’ve also found that some people expect you to be moving past your grief by now. I’ve yet to find that switch I can flick to make myself ok. I hope we both find some peace in the coming year. Take care.
Hi Alex. My partner died in September 2025 so last Christmas was exactly three months since his death. I forced myself to put out some decorations as he always loved Christmas but I regretted it immediately, as it upset me greatly. It just drove home my terrible loss.
This year I m not even attempting to celebrate Christmas, I ll buy a few presents but that’s it. I’m not putting pressure on myself to put up decorations when I still feel incredibly down, perhaps I’d there were grandkids I’d make the effort. Do what makes you feel comfortable and take care.