Year from hell

2018, what a year, lost my mum to cancer, primary lung, secondary brain, 7 weeks later my dad (love lorne) took his own life.
I have spent the last three years hopeing the next would get easier but it never happens.
I’ve watched my life slowly crumble to pieces, relationship gone, friends gone, enhanced job role gone
I’m literally just a shadow, a glimmer of what I was
I just need to know there’s a way back, i have aspirations to work in grief and bereavement counselling but but how can I when in far from through the woods myself.
You don’t need to hold my hand but a glimmer of hope would spare me on 1,000,000 miles