I agree with you, after 22 years I feel like half of me is missing, now I wake up just wishing the days away so its one day closer so I can be with him again.
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Hello. Totally get what you’re saying Poppet. I’m a widow at 57. You think you will get your time at retirement walking hand in hand along the beach and then it never happens. We got retirement due to terminal illness… just not the same but at least we had that I suppose. As for people thinking you can socialise or even get back out there and find someone else?? No words. I know people who found someone else while their partner was terminally ill…
I mean how do they square that with themselves?? Also another guy I know met his partner at Young Widows right after losing his wife. Can’t see that these people really loved their original partners. Completely bizarre!!
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I’m a widow at 56, I hate that title of widow’ we have ascribed to us. I am married’ for earthly life and beyond. Married to my beloved husband. Married can be defined as in union. The retirement time that was planned for but never was allowed to come. I am feeling what I call, the pain of permanence’ continually and daily. It is a living torture to walk through the hours, days and weeks never to have him back in my arms. It does feel worse as the days come and go by. I try and remember the “Being Honest” post… behind the scenes’ the days and weeks are coming and going and at least it makes me feel my time to be with him is getting closer and closer. A perversely joyful redeemer of unsurpassable magnitude.
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Bizarre to me, too.
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I know how you feel. I lost my husband of 30 + years to cancer almost 9 months ago. I carry on for my daughters but i’m not living just surving. I am a strong person but i am completly bereft, i feel flat and empty and feel that my future is bleak and gone without him in it. The truth is i don’t really care anymore. I have friends and family but the support has dwindled. I get annoyed that everyones lifes are happening whilst mine has been destroyed. Christmas was hard but Newyear day morning i was a mess as it was the start of a newyear streching out without him. Friends texting wishing me a Happy Newyear! Its a normal thing to do but its not a Happy Newyear is it. No one unless you’re going through it understands. You learn alot about people going through this. When people ask how i am my stock answer is plodding on because you dont have a choice and i’m not sure they really want to know the truth of it!
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Thats how I answer, I say im not ok but alright but the truth is I want to tell everyone is im not ok, I feel cheated out of 30 or 40 more years of happiness.
How are you supposed to get around losing your husband to cancer with only 4 weeks from the diagnosis. I didn’t want to let him go.
Im angry with the hospital for sending him home without doing anything until it was too late.
After 22 years half of me is missing and now im not living im existing waiting for the day I can be with him again.
I miss him so much and ive hit rock bottom and don’t know how much more I can take. I just want to be with him.
I ask Why. When he could have had a chance.
Sorry for rambling.
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You are not rambling, more reeling’ with yearning and hurt.
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An anomaly in human existence that we can’t fix" this. Love is everything. No healing. Major flaw. That’s the power and strength of Love. Aren’t meant to heal, well not in the same way we would expect of everything else in life we experience or encounter. That’s why Love is bigger and more powerful than anything
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I wish we could fix it then maybe this pain in my heart might be able to heal.
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My son came today with my grandson. He power washed the drive. I had a lot of cleaning up afterwards to do. But it isn’t so bad now.
My late husband used to do it and my son reminds me of him when he was young. My grandson thinks he can do some things for me to earn some pocket money like the old boy scouts used to do. So maybe that is the way to go. He is 11 and a half. Was telling him how his dad used to have these jobs when he was younger. He was saying he doesn’t get much locket money but then everything gets paid for him so can’t have it both ways. My son’s used to do things for their nan but she had no money to pay them but cook them nice goodies. We had to help her with in ingredients. I am trying to train him to do simple tasks. He quite likes going to the shop for simple things. This is just how I am trying to move on. Don’t know how I will meet anyone. Most people tell me the pros and cons.
I found my husband’s old glasses today left where he used to sit and cleaned them. Silly really but I often used to do it as he didn’t.
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I am in the same position. I lost my lovely wife after 48 years of happy marriage. People expect you to move on and get a new life. Not possible.
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Yes my question is move on to what. When you were in paradise, everything else feels like hell. So ploding on is the only option.
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I’ve had that pressure, too. They just don’t get it.
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Exactly. It is hell in many ways. Some days less, some more.
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Move on to what yes think that too.
Suppose it means just acceptance and making the best of what is or planning to move on to new goals. At rock bottom the old saying used to be the only way is up.
I have to say carry on if I can and hope for the best. I suppose there are loads folk out there in the same boat. All just go to what there is available. I went to a communal soup lunch and most are single some married or in partnerships.
But if I don’t how will I make other friends?
I was unlucky enough to have my car clamped and was so upset of course.
But they were kind and helped me out.
So you could say that a bad situation can sometimes change round in a way. Just me saying that but guess mind has to try to heal a bit.
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I don’t want to move on, I want the happy life i had this time last year.
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I feel like an alien too, different walking round with that face on, that doesn’t belong to me, no smile, no spark, no me, I think I died inside when my husband did, I am experiencing and feeling like something out of everyones chat on here. It’s so hard to navigate loss of your past future, soul mate, love of your life, couples everywhere you alone, friends and family to put that brave face on too but inside dead longing for that support laughter any joy ini life, the answer seems no no no, play music switch off read book switch off keep busy force yourself every moment of everyday to survive stay in don’t get dressed force yourself to try, force yourself to internet food shopping, there is no joy no us they are gone, I hate the NHS for what they did and didn’t do, I want to follow up but don’t have the strength who would care anyway, would it make me worse to know I could have saved him? No resolve, no life I will never be happy just getting through each day for my 22 year old daughter, otherwise I want to be taken too, our home and garden is now empty everything is us 
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I lost my wife in September. She was my soulmate for 54 years and my wife of 51. She had Parkinson’s disease and was bed bound for the last 3 years of her life. I was her main carer for nearly 19 years and her sole carer for most of the pandemic and lockdown. I feel responsible for her death as I fell and broke my hip in June and spent 10 weeks in hospital. The care she got in the nursing home and hospital was not good. They had reduced her Parkinson’s medication. I pleaded with them for 8 weeks to increase it but they wouldn’t listen as they were the medics and they knew best! Eventually they did decide to increase it but in my view it was too late. The only blessing was that we were able to get her home for the last couple of weeks of her life.
My loss is multilayered. Having dedicated 10 years of my life to her care and fought and argued on her behalf I am lost and hollow. I have struggled to get support and counselling but the waiting lists are months and months long. Last Friday I got a referral to the psychologist in the Older Adults Mental Health team but it’s still three months waiting. Carry on? Move on? I struggle to find that purpose. I still have major mobility problems and I haven’t left the house since the funeral in October. My daughters are kind but they lift well over 100 miles away and most our friends have moved away. I am not suicidal, just lost and empty.
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You have gone through so much. I wish you peace and better days ahead.
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It is an actual nightmare. I really do feel your pain, sadness, anger and all the other emotions that we are hit with. I have kept on going, like you, for my 24 year old son and 20 year old daughter. I hate my life, I don’t recognise myself, and I care not to return to my old self or previous life. I’ve completely isolated myself away from everyone other than my brother and my children and their partners because I’m sad, I feel lonely in a room full of people, and I couldn’t cope with being vulnerable Infront of people. yes, I too, feel like a part of me died that day because my person is no longer here and I don’t know who I am without him.
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