You just can’t win

My husband passed away very suddenly on 1st September and this left the family in total shock and devastated. My daughter was very close to her dad the even thought the same . To cut a long story short the other day after I had spent the morning sorting out his estate I had a guy knock on my door . My daughter was at my house and this guy at the door was selling doors and windows and I just said to him “ I have enough on my plate at the moment so the last thing on my mind is doors and windows” and he just said ok I’m sorry to bother you and I closed the door . When I went into where my daughter was she said you don’t have to go broadcasting it the fact that my dad has passed . This has made me feel slightly angry because I never told this guy that. I wonder if I’m just being over sensitive. Just feel some days I just can’t do right from wrong .

Hi Kazzer. There are no rights or wrongs at this awful time. You are in shock and on edge and maybe irritable. It’s all to be expected in this process called grief. Emotions are all over the place. Sometimes we snap back at those trying to help. We push people away who do not understand. If we are negative all the time and make no real effort then we may well finish up with no friends at all. Nothing puts helpers off more than someone who continually moans. I am not saying you do, but am generalising. This is in no way minimising the pain. We all know that only too well. We can also feel resentful at life going on all round us and people who seem apparently happy. But we don’t know do we what others may be suffering? If anyone passed you by would they know the pain you are in?
We can feel hard done by, that fate has dealt us a bad hand. But it’s life. It’s what we took on when we arrived as humans, and we either accept it or go under.
Take care. I do hope you get all the support you need. John

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Hi sorry for your loss. My daughter is 24 I feel I can’t do right for wrong with her. I look after our granddaughter most days which I love. I know my daughter is grieving but she’s very hard work snaps all the time. At times I think does she really know how I feel losing my husband after 36 years together x A lot of things I let go but getting to the point now I want to scream at her.

Kim5 this is reassuring to know it’s not just me. As you say she has lost her dad but I have lost my husband ,she can go home to her partner I go home to an empty house. She was beating herself up at one point because she didn’t see her dad as often as she would have liked but I said to her it’s life and work gets in the way . I think she forgets I saw him everyday, I shared my troubles with him , we did things together, and now I have none of that . I don’t know if things have just hit her it’s only been 6 weeks so things are still very raw for us .

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