Young widow

I lost my husband 22/11/22 very suddenly we don’t even know of what he was only 40 (I’m 39) I’m just over a week into it and the loneliness is the hardest part we have 2 kids (15 Yr old girl and 13 Yr old boy) and my son has been sleeping in my double bed with me as I can’t bear to alone at night. My LH best friend came over last night and I felt weirdly at peace after he left, I just feel the loneliness when my kids are school. I need things to do as my husband was on a 0 hr contract so was home alot of the time and I just miss his company. I just want him back I know I can do this I’m just terrified of never finding love again, especially when my kids grow up.

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Hi Victoria, sorry for your loss - it’s just awful.

I lost my partner suddenly aged 33 two weeks ago today and I’ve been living a similar nightmare to yourself over that period of time.

I’ve found this forum to be a real source of help and comfort in the last week or so, I’d recommend reading some of the threads when you can. I’ve found quite a lotn of things said I can relate too very clearly.

Hi I’ve just started a link similar to yours I lost my partner 9 weeks ago suddenly I’m 35 he was 42 and we have two teenage boys aged 13 and 14 I hate this feeling of Loneliness and not knowing how the kids are really feeling inside and the same scared for the future it’s just an awful experience to have to go through isn’t it :disappointed: xx

Yeah, it’s beyond words how difficult each day has been since D’s passing. Though I think we have to consider how well we’ve done to get through each day, it’s small bits of progress, but in the circumstances it’s massive.

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I have just lost my partner on Boxing Day he had a heartattack in the way to the hospital we have 3 boys under 13 and twin girls who are 5 my heart is aching these last few days have been hard I don’t think I have the strength to care for 5 grieving children while I feel helpless please tell me what can I do

Oh Vikki I feel so sorry for your children losing their Dad so young. I feel sorry for you too and the situation must be horrendous. I lost my beautiful wife in September. She was 46. We have 3 boys.
I’m not qualified to offer advice but I it does take sometime to accept the massive change in your life. Accepting it obviously doesn’t ease the pain but you can at least start adapting to the new “normal”. I often say to people, “I’ve swallowed what’s happened but I can’t digest it”.
Talk to the children and ask them what THEY think you should all do to make things better. Ask them what do they think their Dad would would do in this situation. Their input will hopefully make them feel like they’re helping you that way, and in turn hopefully you’ll then be in a better place to help them and to cope. Apologies if all this sounds a load of rubbish. Take care.

No thank you for your reply I just have this gut wrenching feeling of dread inside me my kids are just erratic the twigs are only 5 so don’t understand I’m feeling quite positive today in that I need to try and look forward to a new life he’s gone and there’s nothing I can do to change that I can either sit here stuck in with the kids a crack up or I can just face it full force and try and fight to be a happy again get out more and be with my kids my friend keeps reassuring me lots of people move on quicker than others but it’s how u choose to deal with it can I just ask please do u feel u have excepted it now and has it got easier obvs it’s very early days for me I’m just scared of feeling lonely forever but again I think it’s how we choose to fight thru this Sony agree sorry if I’m waffling on x

And how old are ur boys and how have they been it’s so hard having 5 grieving children and it’s been 6 days :sob:

Yes, I’ve accepted that it’s happened but it still feels impossible that it’s happened. A week or so ago I felt I was having more good days. I kept telling people I just wanted 2022 to be over and done with. I couldn’t wait for today to come. Now it has come it’s not actually been that good. I’ve spent most of today crying. I’ve just got back in from having a drive. I find I think best while driving, for some reason. It’s not good though because my eyes needed windscreen wipers. But, I got in the car alone and started to talk to my wife. The first thing I said was “Nic, I really need to talk to you”. I talked and talked about everything that was hurting so much. How I felt so helpless and lost without her. How I felt so sorry for her about what had happened. I cried my eyes out. It helped a lot. I calmed down and started focusing on what she’d do if it had been me who’d died. She was the most positive person I’ve ever met with an incredibly strong spirit. So I am trying to learn from her strength and keep as positive as I can. Easier said than done btw.
The doctor at the hospice where she died told me the feelings will be up and down. You’ll have better, good days and then bad days. She said that is the natural normal thing. She wasn’t wrong about being up and down. The past three months have been an emotional rollercoaster.
You’ll probably find that the same happens to you. But my only advice is, if you need to cry, do cry. Let rip like a volcano. You’ll feel better afterwards and it releases pressure and stress. Don’t think you’re going mad because you’re having a good day and then suddenly BANG, out of nowhere the wave of greif just sweeps over you. I’m not trying to make you feel uneasy, just prepared. I’m waffling now.
I suppose it sort of gets better because the more time passes the strange empty feeling becomes a normal part of life. Not at all nice but you cope. You function and get through and you even start to laugh again. It is very early days for you and your children, it’s still early days for me and the boys. As for their ages. The eldest is 20. He’s still at home. He has Autism. Thankfully he’s “high functioning” so very clever but a bit quirky. Nowhere near ready to face grown up stuff. The middle one is 17 and youngest just turned 14. They seem to be doing really well but I’m obviously keeping an eye on them and I regularly ask them if they’re OK.
You will naturally feel scared for the future but the old saying , one day at a time, is so true. Unfortunately these things don’t come with instructions and people say there is no right way or wrong way to deal with it. I personally feel there IS a right way…you’re own way x

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Sorry, bad grammar “your” own way.

Thank you so much for the reply it means a lot I’ve been having a bit of alcohol every night since it happened to help me get me thru it and to sleep I no I shouldn’t but all my life I’ve liked a drink after loosing my mom and dad quite early the one thing dean my partner didn’t like :tired_face: but tonight I decided to face it and not have any I feel like I need to face the reality of my new life because a have no other choice i actually feel ok the doctor put me on sleeping tablets but I haven’t started them because the children have been so all over the place and I’ve been worried I’ll be knocked out and I really don’t want to have to rely on things you have given me hope that it does get easier tonight having my children it has kept me going there’s always one of them willing to come in mommy and daddy bed it’s just heartbreaking there little minds asking questions trying to process it we need to just keep our head up and things will become brighter im sure thank you so much again for your words it’s honestly helped me I hope u don’t mind any other silly questions I have in a few days

Thank you. It helps me to talk too.
My wife quit drinking around 5 months before her cancer diagnosis. After she was diagnosed with terminal cancer I had a drink or two every night to relax. I suppose I felt it gave me a couple of hours to chill. I always do Dry January, so last night was the first time in months I hadn’t had anything. Also yesterday I made her a promise that I’d quit and get myself fit and healthy so I’d be strong for our boys. You’re absolutely right about facing things head on. It can be really hard but then those scary things become less scary. A bit like standing up to a bully I suppose.
Feel free to ask silly questions. Like I say it helps me too