Your own Birthdays after losing someone important

Losing a parent
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Hi everyone. It’s been just over a year since I lost my dad, 2 weeks after we found out he was poorly.

On the whole, I think I’m doing pretty well. I was fortunate to get the counselling sessions through Sue Ryder and would honestly encourage anyone to make use of the service. It helped enormously, especially to understand my ‘logical’ brain was firmly in charge and often leaving my ‘emotional’ brain behind.

As hard as they’ve been, I’ve dealt with a lot of ‘firsts’. The one I’ve struggled with more than others is my own Birthday…

The first Birthday I had after my Dad died, I took myself off for the whole day to a willow making workshop, didn’t tell anyone it was my Birthday, and only spent a couple of hours with my husband and daughter. I had a quick phone call with my mum, but that was it. It wasn’t any hugely emotional thing, I just wanted to be somewhere away from anyone that knew me.

A year on, I have a large milestone coming up and everyone keeps asking what I want to do for it… parties etc. Usually I would be entirely up for this, but the very thought of it fills me with utter dread / feelings of “why bother?!” I just want to, again, hide away from anyone that knows me.

Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, have you managed to overcome it? L I can’t keep vanishing off for my Birthday… My little girl was furious enough with me last time!

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Hiya, yes, 8.5 months after losing my dad I turned 40.

It was a cardiac arrest, coma, and resulting hypoxic brain injury. So, rapid, like your experience sounds.

It was actually my sister who encouraged me to make a fuss for my 40th :roll_eyes::scream:. Honestly, words regularly fail me.

I just went to the local park with my mum, sister, nephew and best friend and her husband and son.

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I am in the process of caring for my terminally ill mother and I recently had a birthday and we would usually have celebrated it by going away for the day. That wasn’t possible and I honestly felt like what was the point without her? My only concern for you is that you might miss out on making precious memories that your family will have to look back on when your time comes (which I hope is a long time away). Could you try to explain how you’re feeling, and then ask your family to come up with a way to let them celebrate their love for you, but which is not a hoopla that feels hollow for you. You can say you want to do things in a low-key way that still marks the occasion but feels right for you and them and honours your feelings for your Dad.

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