Well said Jen
Sadie x
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…In an ideal world we would have discussed subjects like death what the other would expect of the other surviving partner to do if he or she was to go first but, this is not an ideal world as we know…I could never get my Richard to discuss this subject as he wanted some subjects to just go away or to brush under the carpet…perhaps too sordid a subject that to him seemed years away, so in his minds eye,why worry about something that may or may not never happen yet, not for a long time…So i have no clue as how my Richard would have wanted me to carry on if anything ever happened to him, he was to go before i go…nor if it had been the other way around, i was to go before him…all i know is that Richard would have coped better than me, that i am sure…My Richard was a private man unlike me, he would have kept his feelings to himself, his crying away from public eye…he would never posted on our Sue Ryder forum nor any other bereavement public forum, this just was not him…
I thought the point of this forum was to say how we felt and I’m one of many who see no point in living without my husband. I don’t “owe” him anything and I know he’d feel the same.
It has nothing to do with artificially forcing yourself to be positive or being negative it’s to do with not having a life worth living.
A lot of people on this forum are completely alone as I am and have no children or family to support them or who need them.
You are fortunate that you do. Sadme
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Because I didn’t die. Yet!
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Nor me CW…
My reason for living is for all those reasons others have mentioned plus it’s a beautiful world 
.
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Love never dies…
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Living with such negativity only makes life more difficult to bear. It’s difficult enough without our loved ones so we must make the most of what we are left with. Love never dies indeed CW
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Sadme, I understand what you are saying, it isn’t about forcing positive thinking, I suppose it all depends on the individual’s outlook. I used to be the most pessimistic negative person ever, then one day I began to look around and started to appreciate my life, I’ve had my knocks, as no doubt you have too, my faith has been tested beyond its limits.
whilst I have two children, they are not here every day, all day, they both have jobs to go to, also their own lives to lead. I can go days without seeing a soul, even more so now as health issues have temporarily confined me to barracks . thankfully I have sufficient food in my cupboards and freezer, a milkman delivers my milk 4 times a week and I’ve started making my own bread using a bread making machine I’ve just invested in. do I don’t have to rely on them to do my shopping, by the time I will need to replenish my stocks I shall be back on my feet. I know they’d be here if I needed them, but I try not to rely on them as much as I can. that wasn’t the reason we had children.
it is very rare I see my family, in fact I haven’t seen or heard from any of Alan’s cousins (he was an only child) since his funeral May 30th 2018, likewise the same can be said for my brothers and sisters, with the exception of 4 or 5 phone calls from one sister and a block invitation via Facebook from the other to attend her birthday party, she couldn’t be bothered to ask me personally.
one of my nieces killed herself jn 2017, 2 years and 2 days after finding her husband hanging from the stairwell in their home, my brother, who is in very poor health and my sister in law are completely broken by this and will never ever come to terms with their loss.
and yes Crazy Kate it is a beautiful world isn’t it. spring is on the horizon, new beginnings, all the plants and trees begin to blossom, I’ve spent 20 months living in a fog, a mist and in limbo, I am now accepting this different life that’s before me although I would, as everyone here would, dearly love to have the life I shared with Alan for over 51 years, but we know that is impossible, so we find the different life that suits us and live it as best we can.
blessings
Jen☆
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Dear Sadme, life is always worth living and I am so sorry that you don’t think so. As Mary said " Life is a gift ". It’s a wonderful gift. You may not have family but I for one would be very sad if anything were to happen to you. Sending you love xx
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Good for you Jen. I applaud your new found thinking and I hope you’re better again soon.
Life isn’t perfect anymore. But I ask myself, do I have a choice. Maybe I do, but the alternative is one I wouldn’t contemplate. In my opinion, as with most things, life is all about choice. It always was. I choose to live on the best way I can. My husband was always an optimist. Positive thinker. An amazing man. He fought to live. To be well again. He did it with a resilient attitude, regardless of his pain, wit in his words and, a smile on his face. So, guess what, I’ll do the very same…regardless
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Sending you love Jen
Good to see you are in a good space
Sadie xx
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thanks Sadie, still have my weepy moments, always will, I refer to them as buckles now it never goes away does it, but we have our lovely husbands with us for ever and always.
hope today was an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
blessings my lady
Jen ☆
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Hope, faith and the beauty of the earth.
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Sadie, hope you won’t mind me pointing out you’ve addressed your two replies to Sadone (which is me) but actually the posts were put on by Sadme 
.
I personally do not share Sadme’s thinking but understand everyone is different.
Xx
Hi Sadone - it seems that I should have read the names more carefully
Sadie x
Because after watching someone struggle to live it would be an insult to their memory to give up and curl up and die - it’s not easy it’s very hard but we do it for them. To make them proud because we loved them and always will.
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Sadie, your post is so touching. x
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@anon94470799 I’m so sorry for your loss and am struggling with the same things you are. I don’t know what to say, feel other than send you hugs. My husband gave me so much and my time with him made me a better person in so many ways.
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That’s what I thought this forum was for, to say how you feel, I to can’t see much for me although I’m trying with therapy, happy life now gone, we made so many plans.
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Mickeyboy, Dontknow1 - you are both right
This forum is to say what you feel and also to listenvwhat others feel. I also think this forum is here to help us with our struggle and loss - so when I am depressed: anxious/ when I have my melt downs I know I can say it without been judged and at the same time people will share their experiences to help us
Are our lives to go backbtovehat itvwas?
No
Are we going to feel joy and happiness as before ?
No
Will we ever forget our partners:husbands that were so much part of us?
No
Will we ever feel without this book d?
No
However - there is always hope
Hope that we will find contentment
Hope that our pain and suffering make us more compassionate and understanding
Hope that our love still unite us with this other soul that was part of us
Hope that one day we can find and see yge beauty of the world
Hope that one day we can find value in our lives
The more we suffer doesn’t mean we loved our husbands better or more
We can still live and mourn at the same time
Sadie xx
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