My wife passed at 50. Yes life should have just began, not ended.
I used to believe there’s a higher being who help the helpless, punish the wicked and save those who do good. So was my wife. Now I am not sure.
I am reluctant to think one day we will be re-united again. Just find it hard to believe such thing could happen in a cruel world like this. My biggest hope now is all my sorrow ends when my date comes. I would endure all the emptiness and loneliness and try to live like an animal until then. My duty to take care of my daughter may take another couple of years; when she goes to uni then I won’t be needed anymore. That would be my life.
1 Like
Every night I read all the stories on here but most of the time I don’t have the energy to write on here, I too am having a very tough time, it’s over a year since my husband passed. I thought by now I might feel a bit better. I’m on antidepressants which do help a bit but I am in a black hole. I have no energy, I don’t even want to paint, in fact I don’t want to do anything. I go to bed in early hours, then sleep half the day away. The only time I leave the house is when I have a doc appointment. My daughter lives with me but she is out at work all day. I don’t feel lonely just empty, I’m just existing, have no motivation, hardly speak or see anyone, like a lot of you, friends just disappeared when most needed. But to be honest I do prefer to be on my own most of the time. I cry, but not as much as I used to. It’s still like living in a nightmare. I miss him 
so much. I never thought he would go before me. I was always the sick one!
3 Likes
Just reading this made me cry. I feel exactly the same. I’m 18 months on & it certainly isn’t easier, it’s much harder. I’ve had days where I thought I’d made a bit of a breakthrough, like being able to listen to our favourite songs. But then I come crashing down. It’s harder because of the brave facade you put on when going out. When someone asks how you’re doing you say fine because you don’t want to tell them the hard truth. It’s horrible waking up everyday to the realisation he’s not there. It’s awful not doing those everyday things together & it’s heartbreaking knowing your future memories will not include the love of your life.
I too have a wardrobe full of his favourite Shirts & T-shirts, I have managed to donate some things to the homeless, but can’t part with these. I did have a memory bear made with a few, but not his absolute favourites, couldn’t bear the thought of them being cut up.
Sending you strength, continue to post as you realise you’re not alone. Not that knowing other people are as unhappy as you makes it better, just that you can share your feelings without judgment.
Take care
Jo
4 Likes
Dear Sheila 26 and BarbM. I have managed to sort the car out and it has gone to scrap but I just stood there,in the doorway as they took it away thinking,this is another part of peter gone. I have a list of other things I need to do but it is taking its toll on me you are all probably thinking what a poor pathetic woman I am that I can’t cope with all these things especially those of you who are futher along than me.
2 Likes
Dear Jen153
Not at all. We are all struggling with grief and our loss and at the same time trying to sort out what needs done. I do understand your feelings as the car went. I took it to a local garage, the guy was very good and let me just ramble for about an hour. We had a Marie Curie daffodil in the car which my husband always displayed and the car dealer was very good and said he would keep it in his office. The second car which I have kept then got a flat tyre. I never got involved with the cars that was my husband’s job, neighbours walked on by and offered no help. I left it for a couple of weeks until I found someone who offered to help - complete strangers are sometimes more helpful than people you thought you could rely on.
Although further on I can assure you that you are not pathetic. I have made lists after lists and still much is not done simply because I just cannot face having to do this all on my own. Do things when you feel able. We are all stumbling through this life that we did not want.
2 Likes
Well done that girl! You are not a poor pathetic woman at all. You have achieved sorting out the car. That is a good thing. Take things slowly, step by step. I have plenty of things I need to sort out - but often have not the energy or inclination. I’ll take my own advice and do a bit at a time with no pressure.
Life is hard now. Take care
1 Like
Dear All i am 19 months in and time just gets harder
has our time with our love ones gets farther away …
oh how i b… hate it. There is nothing we can do but think how so very lucky we were in life to have some one so very special. take care and keep those special times with you for comfort.X
1 Like
Dear Sheila. My Peter loved his cars also . When I first met him he turned up in a lovely Lotus Elan which he had restored himself he was always doing up cars . So when I had to let this last one go which had been on the drive since he died it seemed like I had lost him all over again. Thank you for your kind words. Take care. Jenny. X
1 Like
Hi FleurDeLis,
To love and to be loved is history now, what you have written, FleurDeLis you have said it all, the marathon, how it is. You are so young for this cruel life that we are all now experiencing, the pain and mental agony as you describe goes on and on.
Like you, I do not believe I lost my faith, with no wonder, I will not go into it, although others can take comfort as there are more on this forum who believe that they will be reunited with their loved one than those who do not.
I am 9mths now, it is getting harder I spoke with my counselor asking her why am I getting worse she told me because I have not spoken or seen my husband for that length of time. I did not want to hear that, so it gets worse.
Yes, we are all alone.
2 Likes