Same with your son! Training to be jockey! WOW! Do you still have the Roses and Plaques you made Andy? You kept the loose change! I know, we keep hold of everything to stay close to our precious sons!
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I donāt think it is because they have moved in from grieving. My ex sister in law sent me a beautiful card a few weeks ago and her words were, you will never get over your loss of your son, you learn to live with it. Perhaps that is what your wife and daughter are doing. Maybe speak to your GP about how you are feeling. Take care x
Most of the items are either at the crash site or at the racing yard. I do have a few still here. I completed a piece a month or so ago but thereās something missing on it and I canāt think what it is. Canāt be seen until I think Kyle would be proud of it. As for saving things. Kyle had a hamster that he kept in a large glass fishtank for some reason. The hamster died maybe a year before Kyle but he kept the tank. He cracked the sides moving it into the garage. But it still sits in the garage right where he left it. Canāt even throw rubbish out.
Iām so sorry for your loss of your son to mdma. I lost my son in March to a drugs overdoseā¦.morphine , oxycodone and cocaine. I did everything I could to help him, even that Friday as I call it doing CPR. The day before he passed away he had a good pay rise, messaging me, ringing. How many times like you have you ask why. My son had drug problems for many years but he also battled alcohol. The demons as he called it. Some people who donāt have a clue who have not lost a loved one are so quick to judge which annoys me. Iāve just had the full report for the inquest today, been crying and using google to research it all. I like to know everything if I can as I find it helps me. Take care xx
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I am so very sorry to hear about your son! My son passed on the 15th March 2017, i will never get over losing him, miss him so very much! People say life is precious, to me itās a bloody curse! I canāt wait to be with him!
Morning Andy, you are very clever to be able make things from steel! You said about the fish tank for the hamster, same here, I canāt throw anything away that belonged to my son! I have his ashes here in his bedroom and here they will stay until I also pass! I hope that will be soon!
I couldnāt face all the information for the coroner my wife did it all. I think it was a year or so after that I understood how he died. You are so brave to be able to face all that and still research it. I just fell to pieces so you are a better person than me.
I am not clever just needed an outlet, something to keep me away from suicidal thoughts at the beginning. My family were obviously devastated when my son passed so I couldnāt go and put them through that again no matter how much I wanted to be with him. I donāt know how to say this because I desperately donāt want to cause offence so please know that I am coming from a good place but I am crap with words. I hope you find something that stops you wanting to be with your son even though you will always miss him. Hope that reads ok.
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Hi @andy107
I lost my son to suicide .
When he left us every morning I didnāt want to wake up .
That doesnāt mean I was suicidal , I just wanted to be out of this pain and anguish .
I didnāt want to be here without my son but I did want to be here for my lovely daughter and husband .
We have to survive this for them .
xx
@Tilly13
I am sorry if I caused any upset. I was speaking from my experience because I donāt know anything else. I felt like I wanted to be with my son and in the beginning I was going to make that happen. But I think subconsciously I gave myself reasons to stay. My first job was to rebuild the motorcycle that he crashed on. I had no particular skills in this area but I told myself that I couldnāt leave his pride and joy twisted and broken so I spent hundreds of hours stripping down and rebuilding, using as many parts from the original as I possibly could. Then I moved on to other things that needed to be put right before I could go. Then in time I realised that I couldnāt go and put the family through another bereavement.
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No upset caused at all .
Iām glad you he projects to finish and by the time youād finished your mindset was different .
I wish my son had given himself chance to realise there was another way 
I hope you find some peace and can open up to your family .
xx
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I am doing ok thanks. I have been on the site you advised me to look at which has helped. Hope you are ok.
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I also lost my son 17 years ago and its still so painful.
Your up one minute then down the next.
I miss him so very much.
Two days ago i lost my beautiful grandson my daughter was 9 months pregnant.
He didnāt make it
We are absolutely devastated.
So i am in the depth of griving yet again.
The pain is unbearable.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Since coming onto this site and others I have felt better, being able to talk openly about my son without worrying about upsetting anyone has really helped. I do hope you find something that will give you some relief from the painful cycle of grief. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Thankyou Andy for your kind words.
I have never had counseling but i think i will have to now.
You say you lost your son, i am really sorry.
I hope you got the help you needed.
I have never been on line before to speak to otherās who have been through the same with grief.
I was so desperate to reach out late last nite.
Its can be a very lonely experience even if you have support from your family.
Thank-you for replying Andy and i really hope your ok.
I would definitely try the councilling. I personally didnāt find that it helped me much but I would always advocate for it. Everyone is different and it may help you. I found this site and others were more useful as I struggle to talk about my son with the family as it always results in someone getting upset. I am able to talk openly about Kyle and whilst I cry like a baby at this end nobody knows about it and nobody else is upset.
Hi andy.
I know you are right.
When i am around my family i try so
Hard to stay strong when inside i am dying.
I come home and just cry.
Cruz is my grandson we lost only last week.
My daughter went full 9 monthās and the very last scan they found a bleed on his brain.
It was a very long painfull process they had to go through.
They put him to sleep before the birth.
I saw him and i am absolutely heart broken 
I always find reading about griving helps me.
I read lotās when i lost my son.
To help me understand all the emotions and the roller coaster journey we are all on.
Can i ask you what helps you through yours?.
Do you sleep at nite?.
This is my worst time at nite.
I will say i lost my husband to .
So life is pretty messed up.
How long ago did you lose your precious son?
Hope you have found something to help you cope with your hugh loss.
My heart breaks for you
Keep being strong.
You are doing good.
X
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Hello Sue, your message is so sad, my heart goes out to you. Grief is a beast isnāt it and a lonely space. Please feel free to message me; my son died 14 weeks and 3 days ago, and some days I feel nothing, the others when I do feel - I canāt cope, nothing seems/feels right, the circle of pain is a craggy space full of craters. I should be at work right now but instead Iām curled up on the sofa in my dressing gown researching grief help sights and registered here. We want answers donāt we; is this how everyone feels, why am I not coping, why does no one seem to understand me, etc etc etc.
Jacqui x