10 years of grieving

Hi, it’s been 10 years since I lost Kyle who was 20 years old at the time. I went into melt down and was in a real mess for about 9 months. I didn’t go to work as a teacher, I ran up a massive debt on my credit card to pay for repairs to Kyle’s motorcycle which he passed away on. I made sure he had the funeral that he deserved ect. This put a massive stress on the family but I couldn’t see that at the time. I sometimes slept at night and then hated myself for being able to sleep when I had seen that bereavement means that you shouldn’t sleep. I hated myself for thinking about other things and that any decent parent would have gone to be with their son. But then I hated myself for thinking like that when I have family that had gone through enough and didn’t need my death to cause them more pain.
I returned to work after around 9 months but I would regularly break down and cry. I couldn’t concentrate and I ended up losing my job. I picked up another job in a children’s care home and was able to last for 3 years before I lost that job as well. I didn’t know where to turn and went in a downward spiral until I saw an advertisement for councilling. I thought I would give it another go. I was able to talk openly and it felt better but the councillor told me that she wasn’t qualified to deal with bereavement and asked me to look elsewhere. That’s when I found this site and was advised to go on further sites. This has been the best I have been in 10 years.
I am only telling you guys this to maybe show that there’s a key for people to cope with grief and like a house key everyone is different. I never thought I could even function again. I felt like a loser at life, I lost my son and 2 jobs and almost lost my family their home but now I am surviving and trying to learn to live again without the guilt of “moving on”. ( I don’t like using “moving on” but I couldn’t find other words.

I really hope everyone who reads this finds their key to cope with grief and bereavement.


Hi andy.
I am out at the moment.
I will back to you later.
I really appreciate yoi getting back to

Hi jaybe.
I will be in touch with you.
Stay strong.
Be kind to yourself.
Out at the moment

Hi jaybee.
Its heartbreaking to hear you are struggling.
I have lost my son, husband, and my son in law. And now my grandson last week.my other daughter not the one that lost her husband.
So i have been through the full force ofgrief in every way possible.
I went through what you going through right now. Not getting dressed not getting out of bed.just reading all i could find on grief.
We dont normal meet many people in life that has lost a child.
And they cant possible understanding your pain.
I didnt get what i needed from my friend’s.
I was crying out for some one to help that had been through losing a child.
There was no one.
I was a mess i was so angry i pushed people away.
And I was such a social person before loved being around people.
No that was gone.
Try to be kind to yourself and do what ever you have to do.
No time limits.
But believe me you will get there in time.

So i am right back there now with the lose of grandson.
Its horrendous.
But deep down i know we will all get through this.
Its hard and its not easy to feel strong.
I am here if you want to talk.
Please dont fight with how you are feeling.
This was your child and it wont be easy.
Talking about my feeling’s is what helps me now with my grief…
And you can talk on here.
Take it easy and as i said be kind to your self.
And look after your self .

Hi Andy.
Thankyou so much with sharing your experience to us.
You have been through such hell but it sounds like you are coming out of the other end now.
So you have to give yourself a pat on the back for that.
Such a sad story.
I really feel for you.
There is no other pain that comes close to losing a child.
I was shocked to see so many of us on this site.
I feel i am always grieving i have lost so many.
My son.my husband. My son in law and now my grandson.
I get my self up then bang right back to the beginning again.
Its exhausting.

I am completely heart broken losing my beautiful baby grandson.
I did meet him after he died it was just awful.
I cant get him out of my head.
Then you start asking why us again.
This time though i cant let my daughter see how bad I am.
As you said we hide it from them.
My daughter would not cope with her mum losing it again.
So this time its so different and new to me having to be the strong figure of my family.

With my son i nearly lost everything as you said you had.
I couldn’t work. Got into debt. Lost friend’s.
I am really happy that you are in a better place and that will help people on here to read about your own personal grief.
Well done you.

You are such a strong person to be still standing after all the bereavements you have endured. I fell apart with just one and it’s taken 10 years to start my recovery. I don’t think I could have coped with all that has happened to you.
I truly hope that you find happiness in the near future.

Thankyou andy.
I dont really know how i did it or do it now.
My family are everything to me.
I get panic attacks and anxiety over if anything else happens.
Its made me very nervous about life.
But i will have to get some help with that issue i have now.
Can’t live that way.

I think you have done so well getting your life back.
Be very proud of yourself.

Thankyou for chatting with me.

1 Like

Hi Annabelle, such a sad sad series of losses you’ve had to bear. My heart goes out to you - and your family. This awful end to a life is tragic; the fact that so many are hopeless and lost and end their life in this way is such a waste. Mental health is such a big issue. My son was 39 and in the high risk category but there are so many others outside of the male aged 25 a 40 so called high risk.
I’m so sad to read that your friends were not there for you. I’m so sorry for that. I don’t think I would still be here if it hadn’t been for my amazing supporting friends - they are not a group, but incredible people I’ve picked up along my life journey who all met at my sons funeral and now know a little bit about each other.
Thank you for your response to my message.
I don’t know if we’re meant to keep it here but if you live near me maybe we could arrange a coffee/chat? I’m on the Kent Surrey border….

1 Like

Hi jaybe.
I would definitely love to meet you.
I live near reading.
But i dont mind catching a train.
Let me know what you think

Its nite time again and this is my worst time.

You take care of yourself and keep in touch.
A big hug for you.