The fog will be less dense in time. We are going to make stupid mistakes, it is okay. I, too, forgot some bills. Oh well. I am still here and nothing awful happened.
Organize, organize, organize. It takes a lot of stress and anxiety off of your shoulders.
Make your daily list of 5s. Accomplishing tasks lets us know we are in fact functioning. Seeing them scratched off the list is satisfying.
Love.
I find it hard to leave the house still, but I push myself to venture further and further from home. Heck, I couldn’t drive for weeks. This week I tackled the new to me airport. I had to nap when I got home, but I did it.
You will get there. It takes time and practice.
I am so frightened and so scared to i cry all the time when i leave the house and when j come home i cant go to the shops where we both went we where allways together i just miss my beautiful wife so much
@PeachesDixon
Brain still feels very foggy today! Absolutely zero energy. I was going to place an Amazon order for some trays and pocket folders for my new filing system but couldn’t quite get it together. The weather was thundery today so that could have affected my mood.
Everything you say makes so much sense, so I’m definitely going to work on it. If nothing else it puts purpose back into my life.
Not wanting to go out is a strange sensation. On one hand the house feels like a prison but on the other, having lost so much, going out seems to unnecessarily put at risk what I have left. Hopefully that feeling will pass eventually.
Thank you for your good and sensible advice.
I am again woke up well dragged my self outnof bed i used to get up at 6 am for work and i would leave to go ti work at 7 half 7 but after my wife had passed i have been bothered to change the clock i havent done nothing in the house since she has passed away and thats not me i do have stuff to do but no motivation or energy the thing is we would have been finishing up today for 2 weeks break from holiday and we where voing to paint our new back fence together when we were off i am feeling so upset and really low i am sobbing away hear i just really struggling with everything and thats not me
Good morning Love01, Sorry you are feeling so sad. If the sun shining where you are, why not get dressed and go out for a brisk walk. Put the radio on before you go out so the house is not silent when you get back. That is what I do when I wake up sad, It did make me a little bit feel better. When I got back it was a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit. You can do it. Sending you a big hug.
Thank you so much i feel everything is to much for me i really miss my wife and i really cant accept she is no lo nger withme
Love, I know. As I told friends, “even though I always ran the errands by myself, I didn’t feel alone. Now, I feel alone and vulnerable just going to the pet food store”.
My friend, you are in the very early stages of grief and what you are experiencing in normal for a grieving spouse. You haven’t lost your mind, you do not have sudden onset dementia, you are grieving. This trauma affects the entire body, mind and soul.
It’s okay. You will sleep again. I went for months on 4-5 hours of sleep each night. It got better. The body will get back to a normal rhythm. Do not stress over it, sleep when you can and believe me, when you need sleep desperately, you will sleep.
I had the blinds closed for months. They are open now.
I am sorry that the step-daughter is bugging you. What does she want? Clothes? Shoes? People are odd. Within a week of my husband’s funeral I was getting phone calls and visits from his friends wanting to know what I was going to do with his hunting rifles, SUV, marsh land, as they wanted to buy it. I was gobsmacked.
My response was “I am not ready to make any decisions on anything”, if I decide to sell anything, I will keep you in mind".
This is the time of living hour to hour. It is the only way to make it through each day, I know. It is ok.
Practice my Rule of Fives each day. We can move mountains a shovel full at a time.
I bought new bedding, new dishes, new drinking glasses and gave the old ones to charity. for me, seeing small changes helped me move forward inch by inch. I moved some things around, purged every nook and cranny of excess or anything that weighed me down.
Start purging now. It will keep you occupied and when your home is organized, a lot of anxiety will disappear as you will know where everything is located and the “might need one day stuff” clogging up your space will also unclog your mind.
Stained, broken, don’t use, can’t wear, don’t like, project never to get done, things that bring sadness - let these things go. Decide on minimal living and let the visual clutter go. I promise this makes a huge difference as what it does, essentially, is to make the house yours.
After month 4, I was getting better. Even better at 6 months. I still have a resting sad face which may never leave, but at nearly 45 weeks, I am functioning and, if you ask my friends and family, doing great. (little do they know the mask I wear).
Take all the time you need. Pay the bills, eat only nutritious food and rest.
Do a chore for 5 minutes, set a timer, when it goes off, stop. You will be amazed at how much you can do in 5 minutes.
The physical pain will lessen. The chest tightness, the intestinal issues, the nausea, will all fade.
This phase doesn’t last forever. I promise. But, you must do 5 “to dos” each day, before the hill becomes Mt. Everest.
Love.
If the mountain seems to big today,
then climb a hill instead.
If morning brings you sadness,
it’s okay to stay in bed.
If the day ahead feels heavy,
and your plans feel like a curse,
there’s no shame in re-arranging,
don’t make yourself feel worse.
If showers sting like needles,
and a bath feels like you’ll drown,
and you haven’t washed your hair for days,
don’t throw away your crown.
A day is not a lifetime,
a rest is not defeat,
don’t think of it as failure.
just a quiet, kind retreat.
It’s okay to take a moment
from an anxious, fractured mind,
the world will not stop turning
while you get realigned.
The mountain will still be there
when you want to try again.
You can climb it in your own time,
just love yourself till then.
(author unknow)
Tha k you i just feel i cant let go of everything because that was sharons my beautiful with my wife looked after things allways put things back in boxs tbe house is our forever home and everything we have we done together i have meny good memories but i cry i dont understand as the weeks has went on i have got worse i miss her soo much and i cant accept that she has gone we where meant ti grow old together i haven’t been eating apart from toast tea biscuits it just hit me i have never cooked for 1 sharon and i did everything together and now its hard to know she is not by my side i am alone in the house so lonely emptiness it is such a pain i am only 51 how can i cope with this for what time i have i just want to be with her ppl say its not your time but in my opinion it was not my wifes time either we where so happy that day then robbed life is so cruel i cant accept that she has gone i dont want to touch anything in the house
I know. Take your time. I promise everything will get better with time. You will not stay in this phase of grief. You will adapt, survive and maybe even thrive. Just not yet.
Fix that food situation. You must feed your body. I know it is hard. I kept chopped green salad, boiled eggs, chicken salad, chopped fruits, nuts, raisins at the ready and forced myself to eat 3 times a day. An egg, a hand full of nuts and raisins, a couple of crackers with chicken salad, a cup of green salad, a couple of chunks of chopped fruit, will keep you nourished. No need to make yourself sick by letting your immune system run down.
You will come out of this phase. The truth is that life goes on and so do we.
Pay the bills, eat healthy and rest. Everything else can wait.
Love
I feel the same, its been 13 weeks since my husband of 27 years died , aged 51. Im 47 and dread being alone forever…but i get up everyday and try to keep going. Sending you hugs x
Thank you so much i just struggling with everything i cant accept she has gone my solemate my beautiful wife been ripped away like that
Thank you i just cant it is hard to accept that my beautiful wife is not with me
So awful you are being pressured while grieving.
I understand this pain.
Everything is yours, the daughter has no rights whatsoever! I suggest ringing non emergency number of police to get advice. That means there is a record of this. So if anything else happens you can refer to it.
I have a daughter who demanded to speak at my husband’s funeral. He was her stepdad. When I said no and that it was all already arranged, she got her boyfriend to tell me off on the phone. I told him that it was nothing to do with him, and that he was not her husband, so had no place to say anything. She has refused to contact me ever since. The rest of the family are equally ignorant and horrible. Only my adult son who lives with me is loving and kind.
Death brings out the worst in some people. They cannot cope with it. So lash out in the worst ways.
The truth is we are going through the waves of grief. They are avoiding even paddling in the shallows. Grief is the Love expressed to honour those we truely care for.
I grieve so deep because I love so deeply. I cannot avoid the pain. So I embrace it. And make friends with it.
Love cannot be erased. The raw reality of loss freaks many out because they are reminded of their own mortality. But for us it is the doorway home. I am talking of my own experience now. Those who want to bury the memories and go on with life as if nothing really happened are actually terrified. They want to sort out stuff to hide their own fear of dying.
Sorry. This is rather dark. But when you have seen it you cannot unsee it.
I do not fear death for myself. I will travel to meet God and my beloved husband walking together in the garden of heaven.
Pompom, I really like " I will travel to meet God and my beloved husband walking together in the garden of heaven."
Nice one.
Debs, I am with you, I have lost my best friend and although got my adult sons and lots of friends it does not help with the lonliness as they dont understand the loss…I just wish there were physical groups around that we could attend as I feel speaking with people in similar.positions . I dont feel online.is as good as a physical group where we could.perhaps make friends . I am not sure where people are from
Thank you so much that was so nice i am just frightened a d scared of everything i co.e ho.e from work and i close my blinds and lock myself away in my room.every time i am.not coping with anything i keep getting the flashbacks off my wife lying helpless getting worked on it breaks my heart so much it was meant to be our happeist time for wedding anniversary i have got so meny good memories but i cry and when i look at her last ever pic i took of her on that last day i cry i just find it so hard to accept and i dont need the shit from her daughter
I agree - online chat is limiting. There are grief cafe meet-ups in many towns. I’ve attended mine once, but it’s a bit of a walk for a non driver.
Hi Unfortunately none around me , in fact a.lacknof any sort of councilling at all around