14 weeks in

I lost my husband 14 weeks ago and i really dont know how to cope at the start i was “ok” bit recently i feel like i’m losing my mind, i’m hardly eating, i cant sleep and the last few weekends i’ve just drank myself into oblivion. At what point to i start to ‘cope’ i’m only 32 i dont feel like i’m equipped for this.

Hi Vic. I’m so sorry. I’m 49 and lost my girl just over 6 weeks ago. We had been married for 22 years. It was sudden and unexpected.
I totally get how you feel although I felt it since she was stolen from me.
There are some wise caring people on here who I take notice of. I hope they will respond soon.
It’s the hardest most painful experience I have ever had.
Keep safe.

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hi Vic
very sorry for the loss of your partner.
we as members of this site have an idea of the suffering your facing.
the heartache and emotional turmoil you are facing and having to deal with.
not eating ,sleeping pattern non existent all part and parcel unfortunately of dealing with grief.please try look after yourself ,its far from easy.
but just know there are lots of people here dealing with those same raw emotions and from some where are finding the inner strength to carry on living.
your in the very early stages,and it can be a very long journey for some and for others and im on that list it is never ending.so dont expect any kind of quick fix,just take each day as it comes,and if you need to say anything please just post it,we all understand the need to vent and open up about how we are feeling.we are here for you and we do care ,and hope you will find a bit of comfort from joining us on this site.
regards ian


Thank you for your reply its nice to have found somewhere that people understand what is going on so many people around me say they are here for me but dont actually understand, the first few weeks i was hardly ever alone the cards, flowers, gifts and food came daily as well as the morning text messages just checking in but they soon stopped and at that point it hit that i was then alone in our home with all our memories but felt colder and bigger than ever before.

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Thank you i’m glad to have found this group so i can talk to people who have an idea x


your welcome.
it may help a little to read a few posts in the lost a partner section as several members post daily.we all have very different approaches to trying to cope,walking ,reading, exercise
gardening,many many different things to try distract or focus their minds on other things for a short while.but it dosent detract from the fact they miss their loved ones.so hopefully you will get comfort from being here,just ask if you need help were all here for each other.
regards ian


Hello Vic so sorry you are this terrible position at such a young age. Life is so unfair, you shouldn’t have to lose someone when you love them so much. I know what you mean about the cold house, my husband spent years renovating our house and we brought up our three children here so if has very happy memories . But also so bittersweet because he’s not here to share it wit and it’s such a lonely life, especially with Covid isolation. Thinking of you, sending lovex

HiVic1. Welcome. 14 Weeks is so short a time. The pain is great and the wound is still raw. You will cope, we all do when we believe we can’t. You are NOT going crazy. So many of us feel that way at first. Drinking is a very controversial subject, so I will only say that it can be dangerous and habit forming. Have you seen your GP? If you don’t want medication they can often point you in the right direction. The point at which you begin to cope is when you feel able. In the meantime allow emotions to come. We all cope in our own way and there are no ‘cover all’ rules. Grieving is very much an individual experience. I have found that there is hope. It’s taken me some time to come to terms with my loss, but day by day the light gets just a little brighter. I always ask myself what my loved one would have wanted for me. At first it may seem all the lights have gone out and the situation is hopeless. But everyone here has felt like that. The lights have not gone out but are very dim. It’s so good you have come here where we all know and care. Take things as they come. Looking too far ahead is not useful at this stage. In the initial stages there is so much to do, when that’s over and we are maybe alone, the full impact of what has happened hits us hard. Keep posting and you will get more replies and some comfort. Blessings. John.

Hi I have found the loneliness worse , a few months on, there so much to sort out to start with , & with lockdown it’s probably taken far longer than average . I’ve found with my family & friends now that all they say is it takes time , I get so fed up with those words. Just wish they could do something more positive to take you out of your everyday grief ,We deal . I suppose in a way it’s up to us . I’m starting to think of things to do , like crafts there’s plenty on YouTube or Pinterest . It helps me focus trying to bring some normality back into my life . Whilst still coping with my grief . Take care

Hi Woolybeck. Sorry you find yourself here and I hope you will find support on here.
I’m only 7 weeks in tonight and after 23 years of marriage I lost my girl suddenly aged 53.
I hate the lonleyness and the constant saying of get better with time. I am learning to cope but the pain don’t go. Although I’m on medication to help.
Keep posting if it helps. I do as I don’t have anyone to talk to. Jay


Hello Woolybeck, so sorry you have to find yourself on here, life on your own is so lonely, I understand how you feel. How all of us on here feel, and you wonder how you can live with all the pain that comes from losing your soul mate. People honestly don’t know what to say or do, which is upsetting and frustrating. Nothing feels fun or enjoyable on your own, even surrounded by friends/ family if you’re lucky enough to have them. I have to face the ordeal of gong out, for the first time, for a meal with my sons and their families, as today is Malcolm’s birthday. Dreading trying to be cheerful and feeling the odd one out.Pists on here have really helped, I hope you will get the same feeling of comfort. We all share your grief. Hi Jay, are you coping ok, is work better and how is Ally cat? Take care x

Thank you for reply, it was kind of you. Hope your day goes well . Just knowing we’re not on our own helps . Next Friday we’re are laying my husbands ashes to rest , we’ve had to wait such a long time for the rest of the family to attend a service including my husbands mother . It’s such a strange world.

I’m practically word for word the same as yourself Vic . 14 weeks and I’m at the desperate stage . It’s over powering at times . The realisation I will never touch my Gary in the flesh again . It’s like a panic attack . I take 200mg Anti depressants and they dont seem to be doing anything at all . Can anyone let me know at what stage do we start to feel better or what’s the point in going on . . It gives me solace knowing he is around in spirit . I just want to hold my angel . :disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved:

I paying interest in your questions as I’m only on 7 weeks tonight. I to am on anti depressants and sleeping tablets. I am 100% hating being still here. I can’t see a way out. I’ve just tried to sort garden out and all I see are the new flowers she planted and they are starting to flower. Couldn’t stay out there way too upsetting. Just keeps breaking my heart.
Life is so wrong

I’m at same stage as you also , It’s so hard. To be truthful it feel unreal at times that it’s all a dream . Wish it was . But I know we will always keep grieving for a long time yet ,& starting this new life without our love ones Is going to be hard , but in time we will all start thinking positive again , I’m starting with hobbies & gardening . Think of you in your times of sorrow .

I’m a little like that also still need my time to grieve , but I keep trying .

In the earlier stages you just keep going over everything over & over , but I try & piece all the good over the bad days A little more now , it’s still crazy that I can only lay my husbands ashes to rest next week , but it’s the time we’re living in at the moment , I can’t plan ahead so I just live one day at a time , I find this helps .

It’s so comforting knowing we all understand what each & everyone of us is going though.

I so wish I didn’t. I was a strong happy loving life with my girl. And at 49 that’s been ripped away. Life is so dark lonely and too painful

Hi @Lesleyj,

You don’t mention which anti-depressant you are taking, but as you mention you take 200mg a day, it is probably Sertraline.

That drug usually takes 4-6 weeks before you feel any benefit, usually even more time. So if your doctor has prescribed it you should ensure you continue to take it for at least a few months. I have never liked Sertraline, it did not work for me, but I know people who have benefited a lot from SSRIs, and maybe it will help you.

All the best to you.