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Itās beautiful isnāt it 
xx
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Its one of the most beautiful verses Iāve read.
Iām going to type it out and frame it and keep it by Rogers photo in our bedroom.
Thankyou for sharing it Rose x x
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I think I will put it somewhere in the house.
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What a beautiful poem.
Just sums it up really doesnāt it.
One of my favourites is Afterparty by Becky Hemsley. When I was feeling particularly lost this poem made me realise why I was feeling so bad, and reminded me of the love me and my husband shared. Some things just really resonate. Xx
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Iāve just read that poem. Its lovely
Then I read a lot more by her.
They are all lovely
So poignant so true
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Glad you like her work. It usually makes me cry but in a positive way - if that makes any sense ? Xx
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I lost my husband last August on the 17 June it will be a year since he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. He survived 47 days.
He was a high school teacher, a wonderful father and my soul mate.
He was quiet, calm and unorganised he was such a great big presence in our family.
I also miss him Sundays as it was our day! He also cooked dinner.
Iām numb waiting for the reality he isnāt coming home to actually sink in.
Iāve cried however I donāt understand how I still get through the days. I stepped in as the support for my family and donāt feel itās my time to crumble.
As night turns to day from yet another sleepless night, I wonder no worry is it my turn to crumble.
I used to think grief hit you once the person you loved died. Oh I cried until I ran out of tears yet still Iām waiting for something else, Iām even questioning that I didnāt love him enough as Iām not behaving how I imagined someone should.
Itās so incredibly sad at how many of us are actually in the same position.
Thank you all for being brave & sharing your experiences, it really helps to know Iām not alone in this horrible widow club. My hubby was 61 with lots of future plans now crumbled to dust. Xx
Hi @LadyJ0
It sounds like you have been being really strong for your family and itās so good to hear they are supporting you.
Everyoneās grief is different and there is no right or wrong way - just what works for you, or what your mind allows you to feel sometimes in order to protect yourself.
At the beginning and all through my husbands short fight with cancer I just went into survival mode and had to keep going. Then I felt nothing for quite some time. I also questioned if I loved him as much as I thought.
But now 3 months in I am finding that my world is crumbling around me and I have no space in my head for anything other than him and my grief.
Make sure you are looking after yourself and keep posting on here - we are all in the same situation and struggling with it all but I find it helps to know you are not alone
Sending hugs xx
Perfect sense 
x
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Hi @LadyJ0
Iām so sorry to hear of your struggle
There really is no right or wrong way to grieve.
We are all different but weāre all going through this together and getting through in whatever way seems best for us.
Iām 15 weeks in and now I have good days and bad days. Probably more bad than good but its early days yet. And although I know Iāve really not accepted that he wonāt be coming back
Im so sorry, my finger caught the wrong button!!
I just wanted to say, that whatever way you grieve is fine. It doesnāt mean you loved him less. You loved him and youāve lost him. Now you have to grieve your way.
Please keep posting on here. Weāre all in the same boat, we all understand, and you will come to realise we all deal with it differently
Sending big hugs x
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So very sorry.
I agree with @Liro and @roni52 there is no right way to grieve.
There is what works for you, what helps you get through each day.
Feel free to express how you feel on here. Everyone understands and supports each other.
Try to be kind to yourself .
Big hug,
Rose xx
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Tonight a memory came back to me.
I donāt know why.
It was not a memory of an event but a feeling.
I remembered how I felt when I was with my husband, how it felt to be part of a couple.
How loved, how complete, how safe I felt.
I could actually feel how I felt just for a fleeting moment.
How different it was. How I long to be back with him and feel like that once more.
I thought memories of what we did, special moments would come back.
I was not expecting feelings to flood back.
It has really hit home, another loss.
There are so many losses that are part of bereavement and grieving.
Of course I canāt stop crying. This has really brought me down.
I think I am on the downward slide of the rollercoaster.
Thank you for letting me share this.
Take care everyone,
Rose xx
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Please accept my apologies if I have upset anyone.
Rose xx
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Oh rose I donāt think you have upset anyone.
This is a place you can just say what you think and what you are feeling and not be judged.
For many, including me, itās the only place you can be truly honest about how things are for you in your grief.
Some of my friends try so hard but I know it is hard to listen and see my grief so I donāt overburden them. And they donāt really understand.
I hope your downward slide on the rollercoaster doesnāt last too long. Youāre doing great even if you donāt feel it. You are sharing your honest feelings here and supporting all this community with your kind words and your love and hugs.
Keep going - remembering the good things isnāt always a bad thing. And those feelings are just the emotional memories that made us feel safe and secure - something I donāt feel at the moment
Hope you get some sleep and your rollercoaster starts curving up for tomorrow.
Big hug coming your way xx
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Coming up to 9 weeks for me since that sudden loss of my hubby , since I was 16 I have always had a partner , my first two husbands crap marriage both of them but with the ending of each marriage I had someone else straight after , this is different was with Nick nearly 24 years but we only had 17 months of marriage, I thought it would be forever , the thought of anyone else sickened me! If I can not have Nick then itās no one else ! Itās a strange feeling that for 40 years I have always had a partner , and now for the next 30/40 years I wonāt , that being ācouple ā feeling I will never have again , I love that couple feeling , but no I wonāt have it again because it wonāt be the man I love , I could never love anyone like I did Nick and I donāt want I replacement x
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Bless you. Hopefully in time when you have such memories and feelings itāll be more like a warm hug and make you smile.
Hate this for all of us, itās such a surreal time.
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So sorry @Jane15 .
This is so very difficult isnāt it.
We were together for nearly 50 years and he will always be the love of my life.
We were meant to be together.
Like you, there will never be anyone else like him, who will love, support and understand me like him.
I donāt know where all that came from yesterday.
Today is a new day, so going to really try to be positive.
Sendings you love and hugs,
Rose xx
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