Hi, I lost my daughter to suicide on 04 January this year, my son 21 and myself found her on the Saturday morning when we came downstairs, she was only 14, for over a month my head has been screaming why??? And then two days ago I found a note left by her amongst her things and it’s clear that she was struggling mentally, she spoke of hating herself and said she was disgusting and that she couldn’t bare it anymore, she said every time something good happens then it always comes spiralling down after… we had had such a lovely Christmas she was so happy( and that’s what ppl say, “why when they seemed so happy? ) I can only imagine that she knew the low was coming and didn’t want it ? Maybe? All though the flash backs of that morning are getting easier to control, The shock is wearing off now and the reality that I’m missing her is sinking in more everyday… I’m so sad. I’m so thankful I have my ten year old to care for ( although she’s doing a pretty good job of looking after me right now ) or I don’t think I would be here either. I am filled with the guilt of failing her and not paying enough attention to her, I did think we were close and that she could talk to me about anything, we’ve dealt with her questioning her sexuality and gender and I’ve always tried to make her feel at ease with herself but there’s too much information coming from other places now, I should have made sure she wasn’t looking at bad things online but I trusted she was street smart enough not to be taken in by some random persons opinion … but all that time she was only telling me half the story… I would have done anything to make her love herself but I didn’t know that she felt so bad … and now it’s too late
What can I say. What can anyone say. I don’t usually come on to the ‘Loss of a child’ page of this website because I have little experience of children, but I had to reply to you. I am aware of how totally inadequate words can be at such a time.
We none of us know what goes on in another’s mind. We may be close and think we do. So many young people are going through such pain because of the world we live in with all it’s pressures and responsibilities.
I am at a loss for adequate words to ease your awful pain. I can only imagine and that doesn’t do it justice.
‘Too much information coming from other places’. Yes indeed. But this is not the time to go into the merits or otherwise of social media.
Try and look after yourself and your daughter. Try and eat and, if you can, get some sleep.
My prayers and thoughts are very much with you. I’m sure many on here who have lost a child in that way will come on and give you some support.
Blessings. Take care. John.
Dear Melodies_mum, I can only ditto Jonathan’s words. Words don’t come close to helping you but they can often give some comfort, just to know others are thinking of you. Please know that my heart goes out to you. Sending you love at this very difficult time xx
Hello Melodies, I am so so sorry on the death of your beautiful Daughter, It must be the worst possibly way to lose one of your own in that way , All I can say is we all know what you are going through, and we are all here to help you in this awful time . Take care Maddie x
Hello, I’m so sad to hear about your lovely daughter. Do you know about SOBS? Survivors of bereavement by suicide ? They may be able to help you much more than I can.
All I can say from my own experience of sudden and unexpected death of a loved one is try to find somebody impartial to talk to.
Take time to grieve for her. I’m wishing you we at this saddest of times. Sadme
Dear Melodies mum,
I am so sorry you are going through this terrible time. My daughter took her own life 2 years ago, aged 42. She also left a note to us but it is still so hard to make sense of it all. It was so unexpected that we feel that we never had a chance to save her and maybe you feel like that too.
For me things have changed because at the beginning l was in complete shock and the raw pain and trauma was awful. That does subside. I am glad that you have your other children as I find that my other 2 children and my grandchildren really do keep me going and give me a reason to live.
Please never blame yourself or feel guilty as we will never be able to understand and you obviously loved her dearly. Look after yourself and try to get some sleep.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug. xxx
I am so so sorry
Dear Sadies mum. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I too lost my only daughter in similar circumstances 16 months ago. I have no words to help you only that we have to find a way to continue without them. Try to be kind to yourself. This was not your fault no more than it was mine. Thinking about you and sending you hugs to help see you through another day you probably feel like you can’t face. X
I think this message was for Melody’s mum
Dear Melodies Mum, So so sorry to read this and also echo Jonathan123’s comments, you are in my thoughts xx
I lost my 14 year old son at the end of November 2019 in the same way. Totally unpredicted. I do truly know how you feel, the 100 thoughts that are constantly in your mind - why, what if, what did I miss, why didn’t I? Like you we are devastated and will be forever heartbroken. I miss him so much, he was a happy, fun, popular and engaging young man. It seems to me that 14 is a common age for this but I had no idea - why would we. We will never get over this or be the same again and I am sure that we have both thought about whether it is worth going on but like you, I have other children (older) and need to be there for them. I have been to SOBS but have mixed views, I think that my husband has found it more use than me. All I can say is stay strong if you can - I try but frequently fail. You are not alone but nobody who hasn’t experienced this will ever understand your complex emotions.
My heart goes out to you. Those of us who have lost our precious children in that way will probably never understand why. My daughter left a long letter to us but I still struggle to comprehend it. When she went missing I knew where she had gone , as she had a favourite place but I was too late.
I feel as though we weren’t given a chance. I have found after 2 years that I do have more glimmers of hope now so I hope that gives you some peace.
I hope it helps to post on here and read the replies as we do care for one another and have some understanding of how we each feel. Sending you lots of love xxx
Thank you Victoria. To know that there may be a glimmer of hope is comforting and I hope that Melodies Mum feels the same.
You’re right, we were never given a chance and that is so sad and frustrating.
The only positive that I can take from this is how kind so many people have been. The support that we have received and the love that has been shown to my son has been very moving. It extends far beyond my family.
Thank you again for being there. xx
I’m so glad you have found support and comfort here and we will always be here for you and I think it is amazing that you are looking for the positive things as that will keep you going.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Melodie’s mum
I just wondered how you are doing?
Mother’s Day and Ed’s 15th birthday next month are really playing on my mind. I still can’t believe what has happened nor can I reconcile the boy that I knew and love to the boy who did that. I miss him so much.
I hope that you are coping and have a good support network around you. x
I two lost my daughter 28 years to suicide he hung her self and me and he dad found her and had to cut her down she was already gone it feels like a bad dream but I’m not takeing up my sons not copeing very well no support groups are open to help
I am so sorry you have lost your daughter this way and my heart breaks for you.
I lost my daughter the same way two years ago. It is so shocking and very difficult to come to terms with.
Remember the way forward is baby steps. I have very bad days although they do get less. When you have a bad day try to remember that the next day might be better. Someone told me this and it has got me through.
Also try and keep posting on here as everyone is so understanding and caring. I honestly don’t think I would have got through without my amazing friends on here.
Sending you a big hug and lots of love xxx
What a terrible time for you and your family. Have you trued SOBS? Survivors of bereavement by suicide. I don’t know if they’re open ot not but worth a try. Wishing you well .Sadme x
I have but as you said they arnt open no were is
That’s dreadful , I know places aren’t doing face to face but I thought they were doing telephone support or video link. I wish I knew how to help you but I don’t. Sadme x