Hi, I lost my daughter to suicide on 04 January this year, my son 21 and myself found her on the Saturday morning when we came downstairs, she was only 14, for over a month my head has been screaming why??? And then two days ago I found a note left by her amongst her things and it’s clear that she was struggling mentally, she spoke of hating herself and said she was disgusting and that she couldn’t bare it anymore, she said every time something good happens then it always comes spiralling down after… we had had such a lovely Christmas she was so happy( and that’s what ppl say, “why when they seemed so happy? ) I can only imagine that she knew the low was coming and didn’t want it ? Maybe? All though the flash backs of that morning are getting easier to control, The shock is wearing off now and the reality that I’m missing her is sinking in more everyday… I’m so sad. I’m so thankful I have my ten year old to care for ( although she’s doing a pretty good job of looking after me right now ) or I don’t think I would be here either. I am filled with the guilt of failing her and not paying enough attention to her, I did think we were close and that she could talk to me about anything, we’ve dealt with her questioning her sexuality and gender and I’ve always tried to make her feel at ease with herself but there’s too much information coming from other places now, I should have made sure she wasn’t looking at bad things online but I trusted she was street smart enough not to be taken in by some random persons opinion … but all that time she was only telling me half the story… I would have done anything to make her love herself but I didn’t know that she felt so bad … and now it’s too late
What can I say. What can anyone say. I don’t usually come on to the ‘Loss of a child’ page of this website because I have little experience of children, but I had to reply to you. I am aware of how totally inadequate words can be at such a time.
We none of us know what goes on in another’s mind. We may be close and think we do. So many young people are going through such pain because of the world we live in with all it’s pressures and responsibilities.
I am at a loss for adequate words to ease your awful pain. I can only imagine and that doesn’t do it justice.
‘Too much information coming from other places’. Yes indeed. But this is not the time to go into the merits or otherwise of social media.
Try and look after yourself and your daughter. Try and eat and, if you can, get some sleep.
My prayers and thoughts are very much with you. I’m sure many on here who have lost a child in that way will come on and give you some support.
Blessings. Take care. John.
Dear Melodies_mum, I can only ditto Jonathan’s words. Words don’t come close to helping you but they can often give some comfort, just to know others are thinking of you. Please know that my heart goes out to you. Sending you love at this very difficult time xx
Hello Melodies, I am so so sorry on the death of your beautiful Daughter, It must be the worst possibly way to lose one of your own in that way , All I can say is we all know what you are going through, and we are all here to help you in this awful time . Take care Maddie x
Hello, I’m so sad to hear about your lovely daughter. Do you know about SOBS? Survivors of bereavement by suicide ? They may be able to help you much more than I can.
All I can say from my own experience of sudden and unexpected death of a loved one is try to find somebody impartial to talk to.
Take time to grieve for her. I’m wishing you we at this saddest of times. Sadme
Dear Melodies mum,
I am so sorry you are going through this terrible time. My daughter took her own life 2 years ago, aged 42. She also left a note to us but it is still so hard to make sense of it all. It was so unexpected that we feel that we never had a chance to save her and maybe you feel like that too.
For me things have changed because at the beginning l was in complete shock and the raw pain and trauma was awful. That does subside. I am glad that you have your other children as I find that my other 2 children and my grandchildren really do keep me going and give me a reason to live.
Please never blame yourself or feel guilty as we will never be able to understand and you obviously loved her dearly. Look after yourself and try to get some sleep.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug. xxx
I am so so sorry
Dear Sadies mum. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I too lost my only daughter in similar circumstances 16 months ago. I have no words to help you only that we have to find a way to continue without them. Try to be kind to yourself. This was not your fault no more than it was mine. Thinking about you and sending you hugs to help see you through another day you probably feel like you can’t face. X
I think this message was for Melody’s mum
Dear Melodies Mum, So so sorry to read this and also echo Jonathan123’s comments, you are in my thoughts xx