Ignore the above lol was trying to copy something and it went wrong
Ilovehc
This morning I actually got to swim in a school pool seven miles from home. I had been to trying to get there for ages.
Was challenging because I couldn’t find it but got there in the end. Water wasn’t cold when I got in but felt cold after 20 minutes. Lots daffs out. It felt a bit like being on holiday in a way. The newness of it.
It was on my list of challenges. I feel glad I could manage it. Only tame I know compared to other people but big for me. Anything different without my husband is hard. I had been put off by busy pools being upset other swimmers crashing into me when too busy. So I felt good to be in a place for a change without that pressure. Now have to pluck up courage to get on my bike after so long. Another thing others think not much but to me it is. It is such a long time since.
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I have just read your message and it has given me a bit of hope. I lost my husband( been together over 43 years )last november. And i have no family only friends. It sounded like you havent much family as you havent mentioned them. Its just inspiring to see your words because at this monent i seem to feel ok ish for a day and then spend two in black despair. I have gone to see friends and had coffee out from start. But can put a front on sometimes until get home and cry forever. At least you given me a bit of hope
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@CROWTHER I am truly sorry that your husband has died. I know there are no words which can make the pain go away, or lessen the sadness you are feeling. All I can offer is a listening ear and thoughts of peace.
I’m glad that my words have given you a sense of hope for the future. As you are so early on your grief journey the only things you need to try to do now are eat small meals, sleep when you can and just breathe. Only do things at your pace, and if something feels like too much then it doesn’t need to be done.
Nothing matters now apart from what feels right to you.
You are correct in that I don’t have any close family and no children. It was my husband and I - all we ever needed. My friends are my chosen family and without their support and love I wouldn’t have made it this far.
I am only a couple of weeks away from 18 months now, and it is hard every day but I keep fighting in order to make a life worth living. A life in which grief and hope live side by side.
Please keep posting. If that feels too much then I can always check in via private message.
Rachael xx
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Thank you for your reply its appreciated.
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@LonelyPanda, I have just read your post. It made me cry. Everything you said I could just feel as I felt the same after losing my wonderful David 17 months ago. You are definitely an inspiration and I’m sure a massive help to the people on here who are in the very early stages of grief. Bless you xx.
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Yes thats what i thought when read it and replied. Some hope amongst the despair. I am 5 months since my husband died and it. Seems like yesterday. Because all goes in a trance. Like christmas cant remember how i coped. So reading a bit of hope is nice.
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@LonelyPanda
Rachael what an inspirational post and I can relate to all you have said. I am sure it will give some hope and comfort to many who are on this horrific journey.
Take care xx
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Rachel I wanted you to know that your words have touched my heart. While grief is an incredibly challenging and personal journey, your message also gave a sense of hope and is a testament to your strength and resilience.
Grief makes us feel so isolated and alone, but sharing your story reminds us that although grief is an inevitable part of life it is not the end of our journey. Your message encourages us to walk forwards, and hold onto the belief that brighter days will come.
I am 15 months on now from losing my special person of 46 years. I am so lucky to have found, through this forum, a group of people who have become good friends. Friends who are ready to offer their support, lend an ear or simply be a cheerleader on dark days. l am so glad that you are part of that group Rachel.
May everyone’s journey towards healing be filled with strength, love and the unwavering support of those both on here and around you.
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Reading all the posts again. Today was been such a mixture.
(Good Friday). I was very stewed up knowing my son’s and three grandsons were coming to lunch and had gone out in the rain yesterday to get all the food. When I woke up I thought I would never get all the chores done and cook the roast as well. I always feel like this. I used to have my husband and son to help me and now I am older I only cope by cutting corners. But it is nice to chat to my grandsons. Hear all about what is in their lives. They sit there together playing games. I had got a sheet of puzzles from Morrisons and they seemed to like that waiting for it to be ready. They were sitting eating their chocolate bunnies. They took a stack home with them.
Will last them. Now I have tidied up and eaten some hot cross buns
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That is so true. Into second year without my husband and holding down a job and socialising -so to the world I’m doing well, moving on but the ache in my heart for the effortless connection, closeness and intimacy of a loving relationship never goes.
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Cooki
Yes I am not holding down a job like you are but was when my parents died but that was years qago and different to being without my husband and socialising more but doing less than last year otherwise as can’t get it all done.
I went out in the evening alone for the first time last night. I had been before with a friend but not the same alone. But I met a lady who was there for the first time since her husband died before I had reached that milestone. She was doing much more than me sorting stuff out. But no good comparing as we are all different.
She might be younger than I am.
But my work is supporting my family as best as I can and trying to cope. Doing a little bit to help others in same boat.
Reading this has given me hope, I lost my darling husband of 52 years seven weeks ago and feel totally bereft. He was diagnosed with cancer 6 weeks before he died, I was able to look after him at home as I promised him I would, he passed away peacefully with me lying beside him.
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Hi @Rajay
I am truly sorry that your husband, your person, has died.
There are no words which can take away your pain, but I’m glad my message has given you a glimmer of hope.
I am fast approaching the 2nd anniversary of my husband Chris’ death. It is still difficult without him and it hurts that he is not here - I know this will never change.
I continue to do things which give me joy. I have been to so many concerts and events, experienced new things and more importantly surrounded myself with the few friends who continue to support me, whilst also making new friends with people who understand how challenging it is to live life on your own.
Keep talking, and taking each day as it comes - minute by minute if necessary.
There is light amongst the darkness.
Sending you love and light xx 
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It is reassuring to find some hope.
Thank you. I truly hope everyone here finds some peace and light.
Xx
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@Rosiejack I’m so sorry that you too find yourself without your person, your love.
I can feel the pain and hurt in the words you write and I so wish I could take that away.
It’s a very confusing, scary world once life as we knew it is ripped away isn’t it?
I am slowly beginning to find peace, but it is an ongoing process. I find that acceptance isn’t a one-and-done thing but rather something I need to do over and over again, especially when approaching significant dates.
Please keep reaching out on here as we really do understand.
I wish I could say it gets easier, but it will never be easy to not have my Chris by my side. Grief does change though and becomes different, something I have learnt to live alongside and it is no longer all-consuming.
Sending you love and light xx Rachael
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Dear Rachael.
Thankyou for your post back at the beginning of this thread - I’ve been here a few months having lost my husband in March this year after 31 years of marriage and he died way too young at 56, leaving me and our 4 kids to try navigate this new life.
Reading your post gave me a bit of hope that things can get easier in time - and with some hard work on myself too I am sure.
It’s almost 6 months now since my husband passed and it feels even tougher as each day goes by. I support my kids constantly and this is taking its toll on me as I struggle to find time to grieve for myself. But soon my middle 2 kids will return to uni and I will have some time on my own during the day when my youngest is at school.
I’ve been feeling pressure to return to work, but I don’t want to, and also now don’t need to as I get a generous pension from his work. I know this makes things easier than many.
I love your bravery of going to concerts on your own and I hope in time that I can feel more confident and able to plan things for just myself. Having had such a busy house for so many years I dread the time when my youngest will leave home in a couple of years and I will be truly alone.
Hopefully I can start to build a life that is better in the time leading up to then - just as you have done.
I’m sure it will be painful and sad and not what I wanted at all but at 52 I could still have a lot of life to live, and my husband would be mad if I were to waste it.
I hope you continue to grow
In your life and find peace and contentment whilst you continue to honour your love.
And I pray I can move along my road and eventually find a similar place.
Thanks for the hope. It was just what I needed …xx
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Hi @roni52 . Reading your words gives me the feeling and confidence that you will build the last chapter of your life, and be relatively happy again. The first, difficult step is to accept what is, and not spend our lives wishing it would be as it was. It’s now 30 months since Penny died. It’s been a battle at times , and I’ve been able to overcome the emotional and practical battles as they appear. I’ve manage to leave all those negative thoughts of anger, guilt and regret behind, often by talking with her on quiet evenings. I still have sad times and expect that will always be the case. I sometimes look back at my early posts on here and realise how far I’ve come.
How has my life changed? New interests, new friends (I’ve also got rid of some toxic old ones!), new routines. For instance, this morning I’m going food shopping. But I’ll not just go to the supermarket and come home, I’ll take my dogs to a dog friendly local cafe where I chat to loads of people etc (and the dogs always scrounge a sausage!). I’ve changed my house to make it more comfortable for an old bloke (I’m 76) - new kitchen, new labour-free garden, new conservatory roof which doesnt leak, new car which doesnt let me down etc etc.
Anniversaries don’t affect me any more, because I don’t look at them at times to be sad and unhappy, I treat them as ocassions to be glad at the memories of the 50 of each we shared. I always do something different and challenging. This year, on the anniversary of her death, I decided I’d always wanted to play a flute, so I immediately booked lessons with a local teacher. It’s really challenging, but I’m enjoying it. A month or so ago, I went on holiday to in Northumberland to revisit the happy memories we shared up there, and on a quiet lonely beach one evening, I played Annies Song to her (badly)
We move on, if we look forward. I’m sure you will too. Good luck.
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Thank you for these words Rachael. I’m coming up to the one year anniversary on 19th September of losing my Philip, after 50 years together. You could be writing my story, apart from giving up a job as I’m retired already. I took have let my hobby of cross stitch go, but it’s time I made time for it. I’m starting to get out, albeit trips to my son on the coast, but my dog comes with me and I e started entering him in some friendly dog shows. He won 2 rosettes last week which made me very proud. My Philip would, I know, be happy to see me finally moving ahead albeit slowly in this grief journey. Yes the tears still appear regularly but I’m able to keep myself in check more these days. I’m writing a daily diary too and I find my feelings on paper bring things into perspective for me.
My daughter lives not far away so is a huge support in the day to day stuff, and I have 2 wonderful grandsons that keep me busy. The eldest just turned 16 and I’m so sad that Philip is not able to see him growing into a fine young man, as tall now as he was (over 6’2")! However I am here to witness them maturing and making their mum and dad proud too, so I’m taking joy from that.
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Hi Rosie Jack. I’m glad you’ve found some help in this group. I’m so glad I joined a month into my journey, it has been so helpful to me. I didn’t believe I’d be able to go on last Xmas, but the support I get here has been invaluable. We are all travelling the same route, as unpleasant as it is. Our loved ones are always in our minds and hearts for the rest of our lives, but they’d want us to live what’s left of our time on this earth and that is my way of honouring my Philip. Good luck in your journey - it’ll be bumpy along the way but you will get through.
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