Thankyou @tykey for your kind words and encouragement.
It sounds like you have worked really hard at accepting how things are for you and been able to move forwards with your grief. I love that you share the positive memories on special days and I hope I can get to that stage, as we certainly had a great time for all of the 33 years we were together.
My husband dying “out of time” at 56 has brought lots of additional challenges for me and my family, and I do now shoulder all the responsibility for the care and bringing up of my 4 children, even though 2 are young adults.
I try my very best but it is so very difficult. Child 3 is back at uni now and on a night out tonight. I’m so glad as he messaged earlier and is enjoying himself, but I know there will most likely be a tearful call in the middle of the night when he has had too much to drink and then is so sad about his dad. I could turn my phone off, but I won’t - and when he calls I will try to make it better - but I can’t.
Just one day at a time for now in the hope that I can eventually, in time, manage to feel more happy than sad.
Sending hugs and ongoing hope xx
Hi again @roni52 .
One of the best things I did to help move forward, was that after about 3 months (with the help of a friend, who was bereaved only a month before me), I began to accept that it would be helpful to accept that my life was now entering it’s last chapter, as in a book. I had the chance to write it with a plot which was what I wanted it to be. (I didnt write the last page, as we all know how it ends!! 
).
I sat down and wrote out what I would like my new life to be. It had to be sensible and achievable, there was no point in planning to marry an 18yo voluptuous blonde heiress!!. I visualised myself as a latterday Foggy Dewhurst!, going out for walks withold friends and getting up to mischief 
It had things in there such as:
I’ll still live in the same house, but I’d change it to be easier for an ageing bloke.
I’ll live frugally enough so I wouldnt have any money worries.
I’ll not be interested in finding new romance, but female friends would be great.
I’ll take every opportunity to chat to anyone in earshot.
I’ll take up new, challenging interests with groups of likeminded people. (often musical interests)
I’ll look for voluntary work.
I’ll care for Penny’s dogs at least as well as she would have herself.
I’d replace the dilapidated kitchen, and leaking conservatory roof.
etc.
It didnt happen overnight, it’s still work in progress, but when ever possible I take a step in the right direction
I decided this morning that my tropical fish tank is looking old and battered, so this morning I’ve been out to establish what options are available to me to replace it, which I’ve almost done!
We need a plan to aim for, and then move towards it!
Anyone want an old fish tank set up etc etc??
Being an 18 year old voluptuous blonde heiress, what would I want with an old tropical fish tank?
Tykey my Ray was a 76 year old Yorkshireman who would have made a good Foggy Dewhurst 
Here we go,I was getting worried I wouldn’t get a smile today,you never disappoint Jane.
I love a plan and I think that’s a great idea and glad you’re working your way through it.
I tried a plan a few months ago but I just became overwhelmed with the enormity of the situation so decided just to go back to a day at a time.
I’m usually a ‘do-er’, so had expected myself just to dive into doing lots of things to keep me busy/ distracted / manage my emotions / cope with everything etc
But I am reacting in a way that is completely alien to me by not wanting to, and really struggling to do anything.
I’ve lost my mojo 
I force myself to do things and from the outside it looks like I am coping - the house and garden are not perfect but pretty ok, I cook mainly proper food, I go out and exercise, I walk the dog. Ive been to a couple of concerts and been away with my daughter. Ive not gone back to work yet but think I might just volunteer instead.
I’m doing all the things I should be doing to keep me well enough until I find a time when my spark will reignite and I will become interested in life again.
I hope it comes back at some point as I don’t want to waste my life grieving forever. But for now I need to tend to my grief and let her be my companion.
Sadly she’s not such good company as my husband was xx
Well, I am disappointed, first of all you tell us ladies that you are not into DIY, so that’s you off our lists.
I was all set to be Tykey’s female friend, but then he used the word “frugally”. Now, as a Yorkshire lass myself, I know what that means.
My mum was distressed that I spent my first weeks wage on a pair of shoes. I said that money was made round to go round. She replied “Aye, and it’s made flat to pile up”.
Sorry, gents, this voluptuous blonde 18 year old is looking for a sugar daddy that knows how to do a re-wire.
Xx
Sorry to disappoint I fail on all counts,but I have a bloody good sense of humour,and as the icing on the cake I too am Yorkshire.
@Ron11 @tykey
You certainly make us ladies smile and laugh. Any chance of you both brushing up on your DIY skills so we can turn to you in our hour of need?
My parents moved darn sarf for the better weather. I was born in Yeadon, most of my family still live in Yorkshire, Otley, Batley and Ilkley. I visit sometimes, but as I am only 18, and 4ft 10ins tall, I worry because they still put children up chimneys.
Xx
Yeadon is famous for three things,airport,Murgatroyds and the tarn,sadly I have never seen your blue plaque.
Sense of humour absolutely,diy not so much,the connection between my brain and hands for diy is non existent.
All joking aside.
What do I want my life to be like?
I want it to be happy. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as sad as I have been since my husband died.
I want my family and friends to keep visiting and enjoy my company. I don’t want to be the miserable and bitter widow that they have to visit out of duty. I will save my tears until I am alone.
I want to make my house work for me, and make those changes, even though it means getting rid of some of his things.
I need to push myself into being more confident behind the wheel.
I have made a few new friends, all of them widows. They mostly come to my house. I need to start to venture out of the house more.
I have joined a Tai Chi class, again, mostly widows. But I need to find more new hobbies because gardening will stop in the winter. Hopefully I will meet different people who will become friends.
I need to get to grips with all the technology in the house. Also find out where things like external stopcocks are.
I need to learn how to open and operate online bank accounts.
Basically, I have to learn how to be single and not half of a couple. My heart tells me that I am married and always will be. But the world sees me as single. In order to live in the world I have to first learn how to exist on my own.
Right now this list seems daunting and I am scared of failure. It would be easier and more comfortable to sit in darkness and denial licking my wounds. But I have been widowed before and I know that I have to sink or swim.
Now, where the hell did I put that rubber ring?
If I could borrow a quote from a brilliant man Gene Kranz failure is not an option.
I quite like “Believe you can and you’re halfway there”. Probably Miss Piggy said it.
Xx
Think that might have been Theodore Roosevelt
Sorry think my ocd is kicking in
Oh yes, he was one of the old gits in the balcony that heckled, right?
Nope that was me😂
If calling it a “plan” seems daunting, call it a “dream.”
Many many, many moons ago, I was in a church choir, then my voice broke! I then believed I could no longer sing.
Much to my shame, I them spent the next 60 years telling myself I couldn’t sing., but wished I could
When Penny died, when my plan was written, I kept seeing “develop new interests” was in there. So I wondered…
I googled and found there was a choir looking for tenors. They met in what used to be a pub, and amazingly it was where I first set eyes on Penny. That song from South Pacific kept popping into my head, Some Enchanted Evening.
Any road up, I bravely went along, and found them to be a 4 part harmony choir.
I really loved it, and made 50 new friends.
To put the top hat on it, the first song we sang has become an inspiration for me, and I often sing along with it when Im doing chores. I continue to enjoy this dream and several others.
Enjoy…
