It will be interesting to read back on your notes to see how far you have come. Xx
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Yes itās all fucking shit 
How was the return to work? I plan to go back in 2 weeks, I hope iāll be ok! think itās time to try and sort a routine. I just know its going to be so sad not having Andrew checking in on my day as he would always text ādid you get to work ok babesā ācanāt wait to get home for a snuggleā āmy dinner was lush thanks love youā
Xx
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Oh @Willow112
Please dont apologise.
Its obvious that us affected by it think about it.
But donāt mention it for fear of being laughed at, or misunderstood.
Its hard to explain unless its happening to you.
Does this make any sense at all?
Big hugs x x
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Yes wishing your life away! I think itās a coping strategie. As time passes it will get easier. I can sleep pretty good at the moment I got something from the chemist and it really knocks me out after about an hour, itās such a relief having better sleep. I still get up silly early but think thatās because I go to work early and Andrew used to set it at 4.45am.
Your doing really well and seem to be positive. Have faith and be gentle on yourself, youāll start your new life when your ready 
xx
What a lovely little community. I said this recently on another post that itās a amazing that we are all having a terrible time but we can still support one another! 
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Totally agree. Xxxxx
Dear Liro I donāt think we will be the only ones to have these thoughts. We do torture ourselves. I hope your friend is right and once we leave this human consciousness we are somewhere else and these things donāt matter anymore. Thatās what Iām hoping and praying for and I will get to meet him again even in another form xx
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Youāre right.
Everyone here is amazing.
Always here for each other. Even though weāre all in the grip of deep grief.
Sending love and hugs x
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Yes where would we be without it. You can share the most personal thoughts and no one laughs or judges. And itās good to know that others are having similar thoughts
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Yes @jody
I have to believe that.
Otherwise weāll never get any peace while weāre still living our life here on earth.
We canāt tortue ourselves for the rest of our lives.
Our husbands wanted us to go on living. not worrying about things we have no control over.
Love and hugs
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Agreed 
I am back doing 3 days, I normally do an evening shift as well as duty manager of a coach holiday company , itās very difficult seeing ācouplesā checking in for their holiday and i know they canāt help being in their 80ās/90ās but i just think I am 56 and a widow!! A holiday guest asked me yesterday how long I had been in Devon as I am from Liverpool, and he said " have you got a husband "!! so you can imagine! (fucking shit )!! Yes I miss the coming home and telling , Nick about the working day, and yes he would always text me in work, and as for the " snuggles " missing that too! I am sleeping with a large fluffy percy pig sprayed in Nicks after shave ! x
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Whatever works. I have had a pile of thick dressing gowns and T-shirts. Xx.
I am wearing his football shirts in bed! I answered the door the other day in his football shirt I must of looked a right chav!
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Oh bless you snuggling Percy 
Im going to do a phased return for a couple of weeks. I did think about going on the bank but then Iāll loose everything Iāve worked for. Iāll see how it goes. Has it helped you going back?
Iāve got a dog so heās my comfort. And my poor Andrew is in a box next to my bed. Wtaf is this life. Me, my dog and a box of ashes 
Say hi to Simba 
Xx
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Simba you are gorgeous xx
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Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone today. I woke up in a dreadful state this morning ( probably the worst Iāve ever been) and with your care and support throughout the day, managed to sit outside in the evening sunshine.
I think being outside in the fresh air in a landscape that is bigger than all of us, helps softens the pain a bit. I am really grateful to you all. Hope you all have a peaceful evening xx
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He is isnāt he! ,
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Bless you @jody
Thank you for chatting away to us. I do feel bizarrely better this evening. We are all probably in sync and will be on a high (well not exactly a high ) over the next few days. Then we will be back to scraping the barrel 
Glad your feeling better
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