1st Christmas without my Mum

I decided to go to the shops to do a little Christmas shopping before they all shut here in Scotland on Friday for 3 weeks. I started off ok, but the longer I was out I sadder I got and nearly in tears by the end of it. I used to shop with my mum, especially at Christmas time. Everything reminded me of her and seeing everyone happy and mother’s and daughters out just broke me. I was so jealous of them all too. I did manage to get some gifts before I left lol I love getting presents and selfishly while I was doing it i suddenly thought whose going to get me all the little silly things my mum would add to my presents. The underwear (lol) the bath things, the chocolate etc. My dad is trying but he hates shopping and my heart breaks that while I’ll do that for everyone he needs to get gifts for there’s no one thinking of me anymore. Am I being selfish for thinking this?
He also said he wants to put the tree up soon because my mum loved mega decorations in the house. It’s going to be the hardest thing to do for me because this was my tradition with my mum. We’d decorate my tree one day and then my parents tree the next. We’d have Christmas tunes blasting, hot chocolate and just joy :cry:


You’re not selfish at all. My mum had a devastating stroke in July 2019 so even though she didn’t pass away until January this year it wasn’t the same. My fella bought my dad my birthday and Christmas cards but there was no money or mams writing in them. The money didn’t bother me but it’s just the act of kindness and habit.

I find myself jealous of people on social media who still have their parents. I’ve taken myself off them now as it became unhealthy for me.

This will be my first Christmas without both my parents :pensive:

I’m sorry for talking about myself but I can totally understand how you’re feeling.

I put the decorations up in my parents last year and cried while I was doing it. Mam loved Christmas but she was in her bed and didn’t really react to the lights etc. Where the year before she’d have been excited and her beautiful blue eyes would be twinkling.


I’m so sorry for both your losses , but please continue talk about your own experiences with loss. I find it comforting that I’m not alone when I read them, even if everyone’s experiences are different. You’ve made me feel better knowing it’s normal for my little selfish feelings now and again. It’s such a difficult thing to deal with all these different emotions.
I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling having lost both your parents. I’m very grateful to still have my Dad to lean on. He just told me tonight he couldn’t have gotten through the last 3 weeks without me.


Awwww bless him. My dad said the same thing a few weeks after Mam died. I’m grieving differently for dad than I did with Mam. It’s hit me harder with dad but I suppose I was looking after him so much I didn’t get chance to grieve Mam.

It’s been hard. They were brilliant parents but my dad and I were so close as he had a few health problems over the years and I was with him every step of the way.

His phone contract was cancelled today. I tried to phone him but it didn’t ring. I cried then one of his favourite songs came on…I was gone.

You talk with your dad and you’ll help each other through this.

It’s strange how random things that were previously unimportant like a phone contract suddenly becomes so associated with the person and a painful reminder of that they aren’t here anymore.
I think about my mum nearly all day long at the moment, everything I do or look at have me saying to myself aww she bought me that or was there when I did. Or we’ll never do this again. Then I thought I’m thinking about her more now she’s gone than I did when she was alive and then I feel guilty for that. Grief really messes you up :cry:
I’m glad you had great parents, so you’ll have amazing memories to look back on x


Ah I’m so sorry for your loss. This will be the first Christmas without my lovely mum too, she passed away 12 weeks ago. I used to love buying things for her, but the little things she used to get for all of us were so special and thoughtful. I have bought a bauble for our tree from the lovely keepsake company, they have some nice things on their website. It has a white feather in and a wooden heart with a verse on. I heard a Christmas song starting on the radio yesterday when I was in the car, I switched it over, just can’t face it at all. I see all the ads come on the TV in a daze, I just stare and think, I wish she was here for Christmas. Though for the past few years I don’t know what it is, but I bought her more than I would usually, and really cherished the past 2 or 3 christmases. I’m so glad I did, I was really mindful that my parents were getting older, and i wouldn’t have them for much longer. This was before mum fell poorly. So weird. Your lovely mum will still be with you as you decorate your tree. Put your music on and try as best you can to get thru knowing she is still with you and will always be in your heart. Sending virtual hugs. The thing that’s helping me a bit is thinking my mum wouldn’t want me to be sad, as I’m sure yours wouldn’t either x

@Prettygreeneyes I’m sorry for your loss too. It’s definitely getting harder now that Christmas is everywhere and everyone seems to be starting early with trees up everywhere now because of COVID. I’ve had to change the radio a few times too. I can deal with the Christmas tunes some days better than others, sometimes I just listen and cry. I am grateful for streaming tv services. I can just watch mindless tv there with no Christmas adverts and nothing to upset me.
I bought a Christmas decoration that I can put a picture of my mum in. I’ve picked one from last Christmas where she had one of her many Christmas jumpers on and is so happy and smiling. She will forever be a part of my tree now. I too am trying to hold on to the memories of last Christmas. My brother and his wife were in America last year, so it was just the 3 of us and it was strange, but so lovely. Then my heart breaks when I think to new year and my mum crying and hoping that this year would be a better year. She had a lot of health issues the year before and her brother died. Who knew this year would be the worst year ever. It robbed me of precious time together because of her shielding, then I started to see her, but I can’t remember the last time I hugged or kissed her. :cry: