2 months later

Losing a partner
1

So after 2 months of losing my wife (We have not even had her funeral yet) people are starting to draw away and have stopped answering my messages. Even my parents.

I was her husband and carer. Now I have lost her, my job and in process of losing my home it was in her name. I didn’t even keep up with friends for 13 years as we were everything together. So no one for support or to get out with.

What can I do to kickstart a new life for myself? Don’t forget I am grieving too, so it needs to be a gentle return to society…

6 Likes
2

So sorry for your loss of your wife and the other things happening in your life.

I lost my wife around a similar time on the 8th March 2025. My struggles are in no way as difficult as yours, but they are still hard and devastating.

From my limited time here, it appears that we all take grief in different ways. There are no rules in that no right or wrong ways.

I’ve had two funerals. A funeral where I live on the 2nd April and an internment of her ashes in the Welsh Church where we got married on the 30th April, on what would have been her 77th birthday.

Both were very emotional, however the 2nd was extremely upsetting for me and those who came along. It was only the 2nd time I had set foot in the church; first for my wedding and then her internment. My best man for the wedding carried her casket into and out of the church, before giving me her to lay in the ground where I will join her one day.

I am 79 and i can honestly say it was the worst day of my life.

I am at a stage where I’m feeling guilty for not recognising how serious she was. Yes she was trying to protect me, but I still feel guilty.

I am sorry that I can’t offer much advice. All I can say is that you are not alone here. Talk to people. Family and friends often don’t know what to say, unless they have experienced the loss of a partner.

Good luck and take care

3 Likes
3

I lost my wife 9th March. Worst day of my life, same. Since then I have felt permanently sick. She was 49 and I am 52. No age I feel. She went out of order, I expected my parents to go first :frowning:

5 Likes
4

Hi, grieving.
As you ,i am in a similar situation,14 weeks nearly 15 for me. Last week i rang people because nobody had rung me in over a week, my best friend in over a month. They all said it was good to hear my voice. I have had one call this week,my sister.
I started to go to a bereavement coffee morning evey second Tuesday in the month. I have been twice and I’m not sure about it. I am the youngest at 57 and the new kid. They talk about anything except bereavement ? I just go because it makes me get out. I have tried walks around my village, but where once i saw beauty i know see grey. I can’t drive at the moment so i have to really on the bus.
It’s hard and lonely and just one act of kindness. Would make a difference. Sorry gone on a ramble.
Take care and i hope you find something.

7 Likes
5

The saddest thing is, apart from her belongings is all I am left with is a small pile of jewellery and a pair of glasses. Sad end to a beautiful life and wife!

3 Likes
6

You are also left with memories of your wife.

Never underestimate the importance of them.

While thinking of or perhaps viewing them may be raw at the moment, hopefully they will bring joy to you as mine will.

Tske care

3 Likes
7

True I guess

3 Likes
8

@Nightwish1

I too find that now I am 9 weeks in people have stopped contact/visits. Yes I still have a couple but it’s as if people expect me to be fine now. I hate my new life without my husband and find each day a struggle but put a mask on and carry on. I too find everything holds a memory so hate doing anything that reminds me I am alone now

Keep strong

5 Likes
9

It’s strange, even dusting you pick something up and the memories come back. I remember buying it or Sue’s buying it. 15 weeks tomorrow night, Saturday morning. I still sometimes expect her to walk through the door.

6 Likes
10

It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Another day of heartache and loss…

5 Likes
11

Just on for my morning vent n release I hope. The finality of death is enormous. Hopefully someone today will have some kind words or advice. It does help a little.

Wishing everyone going through a loss at this time all the best.

4 Likes
12

Grieving, I am so sorry that your wife died and that you have to move and that it is all such a shit show for you. I am 33 weeks in and have some insight.

You are in the very early days of grief. The days of sadness, depression, loneliness, anxiety, nausea, hopelessness, fear, confusion, panic, insomnia, no appetite, the inability to function while walking in circles in a dense fog. It is all normal. Zombie-like, it is your body and mind’s reaction to the trauma of losing your wife.

Pay your bills, try to eat only nutritious food, keep the pets and plants alive. Everything else can wait. Take each day hour-by-hour.

Surely there is a lot on your plate. Figuring out how to live alone takes time, the paperwork will drive you mad, the added responsibilities are overwhelming. Keep a notebook, in it write all important names and phone numbers and each day make a list of 5 things you have to do. Do them, mark them off and you will have a visual reminder that you are, in fact, functioning. At the end of the week, you will have done 35 things that you needed to do and pat yourself on the back.

Five things at a time. Baby steps.

Try to understand that everyone the two of you knew has gone on with their normal lives. They have no idea what you are going through unless they have lost a spouse. We smile despite our heartbreak and they think we are just fine. We aren’t, we are walking wounded.

I can tell you this. You will adapt, you will have to create a new life, and you will learn to live with the loss. Just not yet. The fog lifts and you function better. Just not yet.

33 weeks - better than 8 weeks. Much better. Not great, but not panicked because I’ve adapted a bit. Everything has changed, so I have to as well.

Love.

8 Likes
13

It’s funny I looked out the window at 6 this morning and cursed the sun for being out and my husband not being here to see it with me. I had another melt down last night I’m 9 weeks in and hate it when grief creeps on me like that and it feels like my insides are being ripped out. I think I’m in the angry stage. Angry at everything thing for carrying on without my husband beside me. I’m going to try and do jobs I’ve been putting off or have tried but failed miserably as when I do I end up in a million tears. But before I can do that I need to get up and dressed and just can’t find the strength today @PeachesDixon I hope I have your strength soon

3 Likes
14

Me the same.

Forcing myself to load some family videos onto YouTube.

Every time i see Jackie, I start to cry. :cry::cry:

I can only do one a day, so as soon as I finish this one, I’ll walk down the shop

2 Likes
15

I don’t even like walking in my village I get a panic attack just in case I see someone who starts asking questions. I truly hate my new life

3 Likes
16

I have had neighbours try and hide from me a couple of times. I wouldn’t mind but i have not really talked to them since Sue’s funeral. I dont bend their ear or go on about Sue. I just pretend i didn’t see them. This new life is strange and awful and such a struggle.
Take care, Love,Hope and Strength.
Ps we always used to buy their kids stuff for Christmas and birthdays.

3 Likes
17

Just gone back from shop, avoiding people on the way.

As i passed our Leisure Centre I realised it was 9 weeks and 10 minutes since Jackie passed away in my arms. Floodgates opened again and still going now.

Hoping that a coffee and something to eat will settle me. :broken_heart::broken_heart:

5 Likes
18

People are strange. I would never avoid anyone that has suffered a loss. Never did before mine and definitely not now. Take care of yourself and be strong for your Sue

3 Likes
19

I just don’t understand people who try and avoid us bereaved like we’ve got the plague or something similar.
It’s a sad fact that it’s going to happen to everyone one day and we can’t expect them to really understand until it happens to them but where’s the empathy.?
It cost nothing to just ask how we’re doing. I’m very lucky because people still ask me. Maybe others think it’ll upset us all over again but the fact is we are constantly upset and desperately try to not show it so not to embarrass them.
It’s a funny old world is bereavement n one I absolutely hate…x

5 Likes
20

With some people, I think it’s a case of not knowing what to say to you, hence they avoid you.

To be honest, even though I am extremely lonely, at the moment, I want to avoid human contact, particularly with family. Every time they visit, I sob my heart out when they leave, thinking how my wife would have loved seeing the grandchildren she adored. :cry:

What I do find strange though is how people avoid someone in the street, obviously in stress.

I often find myself crying in a shop or walking back home, such as this morning. I walked past several people and no one said a dickey bird.

I am quite grateful they didn’t as I would have been very embarrassed, but it does perhaps say something about society. I would have asked if they were ok.

I’ve just had a text from a cousin suggesting I have a little break, but I don’t want to. I just want to get on with things that can speed up my move and also left to grieve on my own.

:broken_heart::broken_heart: