@Johnr
We are an uncaring society or people are just afraid to approach anyone in tears. I don’t know why but it’s how it is these days. No one really neighbours anymore and in the old days neighbours helped each other. It proved that watching the VE celebrations…
I understand how you want to avoid people at the moment but it might not be the best thing for you if you carry on for a long length of time.
Sometimes I want people round n next I don’t. We all know who we want but that’s impossible. For me this gorgeous weather upsets me because John always had some plan for the day.
I’ve just had a moment, which I rarely do in the afternoon, I’m always tearful in the morning.
I hate waking up because that horrible feeling in out of my stomach is there……constantly…
Hopefully we will find a way to move forward at some point but it’ll only be when each individual is ready…
As you say, I think people are probably more scared these days, rather than uncaring.
I know i need to get out and mingle, so I’ve booked a weeks holiday in June. Going to Llanberis and walk up Snowdon again, assuming my old knees will survive. 
I have just located a couple of maps, from the last time I went and also my trusty Silva compass. Got my day rucksack out of the eaves, so just now need to check I have sufficient clothing.
It gives me something to plan a trip, without having to worry about Jackie. She only came with me up Snowdon once, many decades ago, when she had better health.
I will take her bobble hat with me, so in a sense she’ll be with me.
@Johnr
Brilliant…it’s something to look forward to and it’s getting you out and about…
I might sound as though I know exactly what I’m talking about and I don’t really…!!!
I’m with the family to Cyprus in July and to be honest I’m now sort of dreading it in case I’m upset n sad and miserable…
It’s strange how we get anxious isn’t it. I’ve never been that kind of person ever before.
We’re all different, although we experience the same grief.
I want some time away from the family and friends mingling with people that don’t know about my wife.
I really hope you like Cyprus. I was nearly posted there when in the RAF.
I did make it to Sardinia, 3 times though.
@Johnr
My youngest son, who I’m going with and rest of family was posted there for a stint when he was in the army so he’s quite looking fwd to going back and seeing how it’s changed.
Enjoy yourself
Well another crap sleep and straight into grief. I am wimpering like a dog. “Oh oh oh”
This morning Im asking why me? Why my wife? 49 ffs. Sorry having a bad day
Sorry to read this @Greiving it is so hard and there is nothing others can do for us. Sadly we have to get through this time at our own pace. Look after yourself. At least you can take small comfort in knowing we are all in this f in awful place together
@Greiving
I know exactly how you feel although my partner had many more years than your darling wife.
It’s bloody horrible and worst time of all our lives.
I have a meltdown as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. It’s always first thing for me…
I’m trying not to this morning because I’ve got my eight year old granddaughter until Friday as mum n dad away for 40th bday celebrations so got to try n control it but it’s really tough and even though it’s going on to only 10 weeks I keep thinking will it ever get easier…??
Let’s hope it does. We will never forget but hopefully we learn to live with it…
Week 15, this morning i decided i was going to stay in bed. I have not done that, i have always got up(not done anything but got up). Just feeling enough is enough, just been selfish as nobody has been to see me since Sue’s funeral 17th February. I didn’t think i was a bad person but i must be. We always tried to help people out.
Anyway I’m up and crying. At about 8.30 i final had a dream where Sue gave me a hug and i told her i love her and nobody can take het place,Sue the disappeared and now I’m up. In a flood of tears.
@Nightwish1 I feel your pain I go through this daily crying like my inside are closing down. You did well to get up. 15 weeks you have managed to survive this unfair and cruel world so for that you should be proud of yourself. Your beloved is with you. I so want to have my husband come to me in a dream but it hasn’t happened and that makes me cry even more. Maybe you should join the zoom meeting tonight at 19:30 at least you can see/speak with people that understand. @KarenF could add you. Take care of yourself
There is no way your a bad person, people are just busy and they go back to their own lives forgetting about you really, it’s only when it happens to them they’ll realise how it felt to be left to it.
Your still n the very early days where the intensity of grief is at its worst.
You will get through this & enjoy happier times remembering your wife with every second.
It just takes time for the shock to wear off & your emotions to settle down, your life will be different and not as happy as it was but you will find contentment with a new routine & smile at all the memories you both shared.
How long till we find new contentment? I have woke up in tears it’s going to be another long day. I am struggling through every day so far. I wish I had died instead, these feelings of grief are unbearable!
At the moment I don’t want to live without my wife. No wife, no job, no dog and no home. Silence, no one waiting for me…
Grieving mornings are hard for me too. I lost my husband in January he was only 56. I think even though their physical is gone their presence is everywhere in our hearts and our lives. I had a bad day yesterday and grief is lonely….so try to get through today one step at a time. From reading some of the posts our grief will change over time and we will get through this devastating phase but not right now. For now keep breathing and keep crying and know that you are not alone. Sending a hug your way .
@Greiving
It’s awful when we wake up and start to cry. I don’t know the answer but you seem to have so much on your plate at the moment and can’t see the wood for the trees.
I have woken up for the first morning in nearly 10 weeks with no tears or the ache in my stomach n chest. Why I’m not sure but I went to the doctor two weeks ago because I’ve had 10 years of trauma with deaths the last being my soulmate 10 weeks ago and my head was absolutely everywhere and I had no direction at all.
He prescribed for me to just take the edge off and to kick start my brain into being able to sort things in an orderly fashion.
Obviously it doesn’t make everything better but if it helps to just sort your thoughts then that is something.
I will still cry and feel absolutely distraught but my life other than that is sorting itself out. I clearly see now that I want to move house and at some point I will do that.
If you haven’t already, maybe see your doctor and speak with him and see what you can work out between you.
Meantime stay on here and we will try and help even just with words…
I went to Doc last week and she gave me something as well. I don’t like taking tablets but after 3 it seems to help with sleeping and eating. I’m not sure about the depression side yet as still wake up and spend day crying
She was only 49. Nothing is making sense to me yet
@Johnr
We know tablets don’t stop our grieving, there is no magic pill but if the edge taken off to see other things in our life clearly then I’ll take it.
Like I say we are going to cry but maybe less n less and can look at our past life with the person we loved more than anything else with a sense of happiness instead of sadness…
Our memories will then become part of our future…xx
I really don’t want to live feeling this way. I hope I can look forward with happy memories soon, not this sick knot tied stomach full of stress and grief!