The reality of being alone in life is only just hitting after more than 2 years. I am needing to sell my home and downsize getting rid of yet more things . I miss evenings out . I am always trying to seem ok to family and join in on their activities . I realise am lucky to have them, my lovely grandchildren and some long standing, if distant friends . But all decisions I take. I take alone. Every day and evening spent at home. I am alone. I am tired of living this way. I sometimes feel that nothing will ever be really enjoyable again . Sorry to make my first post so gloomy, but I think this is the first time I have shared how I feel . … I don’t even like to admit it to myself !
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this is the place where you can share your feelings keep posting
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Hi jenny9 so sorry you are feeling like this. I am still in the very early stages of loss, so hopefully others further down the line will be able to offer more support and experience.
You’ve done the right thing posting on here. Everyone understands and no one judges. It’s the best place to share your feelings and been a lifeline for me. Please keep posting and take care xx
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They are other stories on here similar to yours. Hopefully someone will reach out x
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I’ve now been like you widowed for 2 years and feel exactly the same as you. I just can’t find any motivation to do anything . i now live very near to my family but just yearn for my old home of 46 years and my neighbours and the area where I lived and just can’t seem to settle even after living here for 12 months. i try to be brave for my family’s sake but i just feel totally broken.
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Right with you. 17 months on. Folk say aren’t you doing well. They don’t see how much time is spent alone. No one to share thoughts with. I do verbalise my thoughts talk to him. I find it helps. He was never a good decision maker went along with me but at least he’d listen. I miss eating together chatting over the day. I have a dog he’s good company but it’s the interaction . My sons are good but they have their families so I try not to encroach on their time. Be positive and keep chatting in here we know how it feels.
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18 months nearly 19 months for me. Today im.missing him a lot. Feel so alone. My mum who i relied on so much since i lost my husband is pretty poorly. She fell and is in hospital. I know if my husband.was here he would be supporting me. Its so.lonely going through stuff by ourselves isnt it ? Ive made some friends but its not.the same as having that special person about who.knows you and understands you xx
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Hi I’m just over 14 months of losing my husband it’s been a very long journey which I could not have imagined myself were I am now through help and medication I’m a little better but still cry but not as much as I did and it’s the loneliness when your home by yourself that’s horrendous and family think you have moved on but they only see the outside of you
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So true Jennison . It’s difficult because you know it’s good to share how you feel, but you don’t want to worry or upset family . Sometimes pretending you are ok ,wearing a smile, helps to lift your spirits too, but it’s such hard work , isn’t it ? I think it’s referred to as ‘fake it until you make it’ .
So please you are feeling a bit better .
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Having read all your posts I can identify with you all.
I’m just over 14 months in and still miss him terribly 
I miss every thing about us…our chats… our jokes…our laughs…his movements…his loving look and touch and all the things that we used to do together.
I miss him today exactly the same as I did the first day that he passed…it has not got any better 14 months on. I still feel this constant heart pain although less intense now than it used to be so perhaps, I’ve started to get used to feeling the pain now after many months have passed, but the feeling of loneliness and sadness seem to be getting worse! I hate life without my angel
It’s true that nothing will ever be really enjoyable again!
Best wishes and thank you everyone for sharing…x
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@jenny9 I totally relate to your post & I’m 4 years 7months on. When you realise this is your life now & the overwhelming grief has subsided but left you with a feeling of emptiness, a shell of your former self, half of you missing. So many things have happened without him, our grandchild was born & he’ll never know him. Many sad events you face alone. No one to turn to when things are hard. I miss the holding hands walking down the street & I feel envious of those who still have that. I miss him being here when I come home if I’ve been out with friends. Certain TV programs I still can’t watch because they were ones we watched together. Although I said earlier the overwhelming grief subsides, I meant that grief that at first is on the surface. You do learn to bury it, live with it & move forward alongside it. But sometimes it still hits like a sledgehammer & nothing you can do. I’m thankful for my family & close friends because we still talk about him, but it’s hard to be without my Derek & I miss him so very much. Sending love & strength 
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I find it very hard since my husband died. It’s difficult trying to explain to people what your life now is. Everything changes. I think I said in another post that I don’t seem to fit in, in society now. I’m on the outside looking in. I long for the life I had but that is pointless. I will never stop loving and missing my husband. I know the phrase is used a lot but he was my soulmate. Love to you all.X
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I know what you mean @Loobyloo2 its so hard to lose that precious love ! You realise now how good it was and boy i miss it so much! Thing is i always knew i had it pretty good … i knew i was loved … the awful thing is i never expected to lose him at 60 … 
big hugs to you and me. Take good care of yourself !! Self love xx
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I know how you feel , as I also feel the same way. Looking in on the world but not connected. I hate the evenings spent eating alone and also the long night ahead on my own,
I am lucky that I still get invited to family celebrations but it’s just not the same anymore.
It’s two years and nine months since Nev passed and I don’t think anything will change the way I feel.
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Hi @Deb5 thank you for your reply. My husband was only 69 when he died. Far too young in my opinion. Take care of yourself.X
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Bloody 60’s is too young ! As my other bereaved friend said - its not fair !! Xx
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It’s 14 months for me too and it’s not getting any easier in fact sometimes it feels harder I guess reality has set in now.I’m on my own and that’s not going to change,I feel so lonely at the moment we always travelled a lot and have visited many countries.Now my friends and family are all telling me about holidays they are going on or have just been on and it just makes me feel so sad that the only way I will ever go anywhere again is on my own.
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Oh arent people so thoughtless !! Telling you about their holidays when u cant go on one without your hubby !! Tell them to shut up !! Lol xx
Maybe find a friend to go with but i know its hard … you never even think of that do you when they’re poorly xx
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He never was poorly it was a sudden death and such a shock so I was very unprepared for all this.People have no idea how it feels for us been thrust into a life we never wanted.They are so insensitive sometimes and just think you get over it all after a few months
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Well you know what i mean - when you lose them … i only had 6 weeks to say goodbye bloody crap innit ! Yes people really dont think and i sometimes wonder do they really care either ? Feels like … X
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