The feeling of loneliness is definitely getting worse by the day - and yes it’s not going to change as we are now on our own! I feel so lonely every day and night as we used to do everything together and now everything that I do I think about us doing together and the loneliness hits! We too used to travel so much to so many places and I have to keep reminding myself to remember about what we had but not what we lost - places we used to travel to for years and years and be grateful that we had the chance to see so many places in the world and try not to think about us not being able to travel together again as that hurts so much! It is so hard but I keep written notes around the house reminding me to help me focus - so far seems to help a little. I have also started to travel alone and talk to him throughout the trips as if he was there with me, seeing things that I was seeing, feeling things that I was feeling - my recent trip over a week ago I actually felt he was with me all the way so it does work for me to do thing for both of us, to travel for both of us and to live life alone for both of us.
Very best wishes & take care x
I never had a chance to say goodbye either; he dropped me off at the train station before driving off to his office and by lunch time I got a phone call from the police saying he’d passed away from cardiac arrest! The last thing he said to me was “do you want chicken or salmon?” and I said “let’s have chicken”.
He usually got home earlier than me and always prepared our dinner ready when I got home. I don’t know how to describe how I was feeling that day going to work and came home to an empty house - heartbreaking is probably an understatement 
I hate this lonely life - it’s meaningless to just get by everyday with no real purpose - just exist and float along day after day
Sorry for babbling on a bit x
How awful for you 
poor lass. Xxx
Hi Jenny
I’m so sorry you are feeling like you are right now but please don’t ever feel the need to apologise. People on here are all on our own individual grief journeys and it’s good to talk about where you are at right now. I find it helps just writing your feelings down. Otherwise it just constantly bangs around in your head, well it does in mine! And to share it with people who have empathy for your situation help I feel. I myself have had a horrible last 9 days just constantly crying for no apparent reason. Every night I go to bed saying “it will be better tomorrow “ but it’s not. Today I’ve been telling my dogs “we WILL get through this. Anyone hearing me must think I’m mad and I guess I am a bit right now. But I try to remind myself “that nothing lasts forever” a bit why I’m feeling like I am now ironically.
Hold on to your memories, cherish them and remember that grief is the price we pay for love. Take care xx
Hi Angel
You “babble on” as much as you like. I’m really sorry your life seems meaningless right now and am sending you a virtual hug. Take care xx
Thank you for your comments lulu . I noticed you replied to several people in the early hours and from those replies can see what a caring person you are who has experienced a lot of trauma. I wish you peace and hope you also find joy …… something we all still need to aspire to finding, no matter how impossible that may seem just now .
Hi Debs
Yep people can be soo bloody stupid! Not always intentionally though. I think they are embarrassed at witnessing our pain and knowing they can’t make it better for us so just blurt out the most hurtful things.
Love and hugs to all on here. We are all in pain but it helps, well me anyway to know that at least some people understand. Xx
I know how you feel lost my wife 4 months ago after 54 years together like you I tell everyone I’m fine but still struggling especially in the evenings was hoping time will help but reading some of the stories it’s seems it might take a long while
Hi Jonah. Sorry you are in so much pain right now. The lonliness, loss of hope and the pointlessness does seem
Overwhelming at times. Hang on in there. Are there any bereavement cafes near you? I’m on my way to one now and I would say one third of us are men. Might be worth thinking about trying one.
Love and hugs to you in your struggles xx
Thank you I will see if there’s any near me
Yesterday I got all our old photos out from all our travels over 38 years,they made me smile and brought so many memories back so many people never have the life we had and I’m grateful for that.It really cheered me up.
I had been to the supermarket he came and got the shopping out of the boot ,put all the shopping away.He went in the garden to water the vegetables he was growing I went to clean my bedrooms.When I came back downstairs I couldn’t see him anywhere,I went in the garden and he was there but it was too late,because he passed away outside it was regarded as a crime scene and the CSI people had to come and investigate he couldn’t be moved until they had photographed him and so on,it was 6 hours until they arrived and he was laid in our garden in the hot sun,terrible.
I lost my gorgeous beautiful late wife sue on the 1st February last year.i feel like giving up sometimes but then I remember what sue said to me that I want you to promise to carry on fighting for life and not to give up but still feel like I let her down in some way. But my daughter and stepson dave plus family are really supportive to me and my friends as well. Dont feel its getting better and struggling to cope sometimes.sorry for the long post
Gets to you sometimes martyn. Nothing wrong with that x
Hi Martyn
I’m sad to hear about your dear Wife. It’s horrible and hard to adjust to. I’m glad you have the support of your family. Hopefully you get some strength from them and a bit of comfort.
“ The living wish the dead alive again and the dead wish the living that too” do what your Sue wanted for you, hard as it is. Take care xx
Hi again Jonah
The Bereavement. Cafe I go to is run by the local Hospice but in a Community Hall. Your loved one that has now gone doesn’t need to have been a Patient there or even having Palliative Care in their home from them. It’s open to everyone. Where I live in Suffolk we have a talking service run by a local charity that runs from 7pm till 1am. They will just chat to you for about 20 mins. It’s nice and welcoming. In Glasgow where I used to live they have a similar service but it runs from 7 pm ALL through the night until 10am. That one is run by the NHS. There might be some services like that where you live. They are not the Samaritans but mostly volunteers who have been in similar scenarios like the rest of us. And it’s good to have a chat with a friendly voice. MIND also have a support network so check them out too if haven’t already. They also have a Face to Face Counselling service that you can attend for up to 20 weeks(your choice) but you need to pay for that. It’s £22 for pensioners/unemployed and £33 per week for those in work. Sue Ryder also have a free 6 week Counselling Service via zoom or the phone with qualified Counsellors. I found that very helpful.
Some ideas for you anyway. Take care xx
Thank you will look into it
I’m nearly 10 years in to this and still find things very difficult. My husband was just 46, we had 3 young children and I still cry for their and my loss a lot - every ‘big’ event - my youngest son is 18 soon and my daughter 21 in a few months - is just so hard. All the anxieties of bringing children up in the world can’t be shared with the one other person that cared as much as I did. I have great friends and a new partner, but it isn’t the same. I miss all of what you have all said, just the simple day to day stuff is hard. I find distraction is good, exhausting sometimes trying to keep busy, but gets me through. I also have lost friends and invites to things as the numbers just aren’t even - how sad is that! I’ve also got friends that moan about their husbands being abroad working and they say I know what it’s like being on your own - don’t even get me started! It’s survival I feel, find good friends, go out, keep talking to people that really understand and above all, be kind to yourself. Sending love and strength to you all x
I know how you feel lost my wife of 54 years on 15th February this year I have good days and some bad days especially at nights I put on a brave face but like you I think of things I could and should have done family keep saying you are doing great only because I grieve in private and they don’t know what I’m going through
Hi Flossie,
Such a hard place to find yourself in. All we You could do is be good enough for your children. And it sounds like you have nailed that. You need to look out for yourself, as , naturally they will go off into life and make their own lives independent of you. But they do so knowing you led the way through your darkness and pain and brought them into the light. You have been so brave and strong. They were lucky you were their Mum. And Thats perhaps why your dear Husband picked you ? He knew your worth and I hope you do too.
Love and hugs to you xx