3 weeks on from losing husband suddenly d

Thought I was doing well up to today .but my husband boss been to see my husband today and said he looked peaceful but started me off again dreading Monday as thats the funeral and not sure im going to handle it well at all .

Dear Sandieb

I am so so sorry for your loss. I know that Monday will be an extremely difficult day for you. I sent our kids and their partners to the car ahead of me, took down a picture of me and my husband and placed it in my hand-bag before joining them in the vehicle. I held his picture close to me throughout the services. I looked at no one other than the picture. I will be thinking of you on Monday and hope that you have been able to arrange family around and next to you on the day.

Take care.

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Thankyou xxx

Hi to you both, I did the same thing with a photo which I have now in the bedroom and another in my handbag which goes everywhere with me. Yes, I cried but it helped me get through the service. Knowing he is always with me is very important, I know he is part of me but his photo seems to mean he is there in person. My thoughts and blessings will be with you on Monday and please remember there’s no shame in crying. Sxx

Dear Susie123

Perhaps you can help me. I just do not feel that my husband is with me. He was killed in a road traffic accident in September. Never got to say good-bye. I often feel that he abandoned me and the family, that the motorbike was more important than us. I sometimes think perhaps he is staying clear because he will know that I am angry at him. I pray every night for a sign that he is close-by but nothing and it only adds to my heartbreak.


Susie Im so sorry for the way you lost your husband we have to blame something its the anger that we lost them in such a tragic way.


Dont worry about controling the tear or be brave in front everybody.
After all it is a tragic moment of our lives, the raw pain of losing a part of you soul and body. I lost of the person who has been with you in the sad and hard times
It is a lots of losing the hopes, dream and the readon to live. It iis the lost of the person you can trust with your eyes close. Is the lost of a partner who gave inconditional love, help and happiness.
Is the lost of a partner who you could trust did not matter what was in front you knew he would be there
Is the partner that become part of yourself and now has gone. In one second the life change
But it is not only that everything has change is part of yourself that you will never get again.

So dont worry to doing well, i am afraid that funeral are as hard as the moment our partner died. It is the real goodbye when you know is real and part of yourself died too.

Be kind to yourself don bother for other people because through the weeks they forget you and expect you to be smiling lfor having a new way of life.
Love xx

Sheila, don’t be angry because there is no one to blame, when we go it’s because we have to and no down to us. I feel they are always around because they are part of us. There’s a poem that says they are woven into our life and they are. Try to take each day as it comes, one day at a time.
Many years ago I had a motorcycle and my mother was really cross with me for getting it and kept telling me it would be the death of me but it didn’t, I suppose I was always very careful because of what she said.
You take care and try to relax but please don’t keep being ang

Thankyou so much x

Thankyou xxx

Thankyou x

Hi SandiB
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband at the end of last year and dreaded the funeral whilst it was hard it was also calm
I wore the clothes he had bought me and carried his photo which I got strength from.
Just let your emotions run free and afterwards take it an hour at a time.
Take care x

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Dear God Sheila
Course you will be angry …My Chris died of Bladder cancer and neglect by the NHS September 10th 2020
The anger I felt was monumental to everything and everybody.Course you will blame him and the bloody bike but can I tell you I don’t know when this will happen but the anger will pass and be replaced by other emotions. …It’s now March 2021 and I feel so sad
I didn’t get to say goodbye either Sheila and we feel cheated by that I wish you well and sorry I am not more positive by saying “they are around us” I don’t feel it also.People say it will pass but I was with Chris 31 years and was 16 years younger they also say “well you are still relatively young “ at 57 years old I don’t bloody feel it and if that means I will meet somebody else I want to say and have done NO I bloody won’t people are not disposable …Take care Sheila

Dear Deborah1

Thank you for your honest reply and I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the circumstances around it. I have tried to read up on forgiveness but I am not ready. There will be an inquest but not until later in the year. I am not attending and have not put forward any family representatives. Nothing we will hear will help us, probably just increase the pain (if possible) and it will not bring my husband back.

We were together 42 years, married 38 (39 on 13 March). The pain will not wash away that easily. I find myself at 61 lonely, frightened and scared. My husband never hurt a fly, would drop everything to go and help others and when we had so much to look forward to it has been snatched away from us in such a cruel way.

Today went out with a friend for a social distance walk. Felt ok until I got back to the car. You see so many couples walking along, enjoying the sunshine and it only serves as another damning reminder that life can never be the same, no one will ever replace them. Have cried now stop since coming back.

Take care

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Hello Sheila
I am saddened by your difficult circumstances.
Have you thought about talking to a minister and asking him how to pray. You may be able to know your husband is nearer than you feel. It will help you to feel connected to him.
God is always there working on our behalf.
I know so many people deny the help from our Lord.
I can tell you without God i would be a lost cause and a help to no one.

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Hello Gary 54…it’s good that your faith has helped you
but when my partner of thirty one years died and died I’m afraid after misdiagnosis the anger and sadness I felt could not be assuaged by prayer. it sounds as though Sheila could be in a similar situation…I wish you well Deborah

Dear Deborah1 and Gary54

The family believe in God and I prayed (pleaded) with him all the way to the hospital in the back of the police car but arrived too late and my husband had died before I could see him or even say goodbye. I still believe in God as I have believe that I will get to see my husband again. I spoke at length to the vicar and the service was lovely but I remain of no help to anyone except perhaps my son and his partner as I am now their child-minder - something my husband had said he would do but never accomplished.

I still pray every night but the anger remains which is then followed by guilt as my husband would be heartbroken he is not here to see our little grandson grow up.

Take care

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Oh Sheila I am sorry I presumed and that was wrong…I feel your pain and just sending love…I cannot accept I will never see Chris again and know just how you are feeling. Please be kind to yourself as the guilt anger and sadness we feel can be very debilitating

Dear Deborah1

No need to apologise. I understand what you say about emotions being debilitating - I try my best but have to be honest the anger does take over quite often. If not for the bike I would still have my husband. Everything that we had worked so hard for just disappeared in an instant that day and now I am just so alone, frightened and scared.

Take care.

I know you are my love and so am I …I miss Chris so much and the future is daunting you must keep talking about the pain and anger.I have no answers but it’s got to get easier to live like this for ever is intolerable. A lady I know her only son was killed on his motorbike two years ago …I should add her only child at 22 years of age.Motorbikes cause such pain Sheila…

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