Thankyou for your kind words. It must be tough for you and I remember how hard that time is and the first summer without your other half.
We had a better than expected time away - but like you I stay up late and survive on very little sleep most of the time and it can be very lonely at times. Even when you have people around you.
Just one day at a time is all we need to try and do. And somehow try to accept and adapt to our new life, however difficult that may be.
Sending strength and hugs xx
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Bless you, I appreciate your reply. I think Iām the only person in our road who is still awake at 2 or 3 am in the morning with the light on everyone else goes to bed about 10 oāclock. But thereās nobody to tell me what time to go to bed so I choose when I am absolutely exhausted to go upstairs -hope you have a good day and not get too hot in this heat. x
Your post certainly resonate - only difference is having no dog to walk and nobody to avoid. We pulled up the drawbridge and fought cancer for nearly 4 years not thinking of the support Iād need laterā¦
If there are people about, maybe nowās the time to let them in.
My sleep certainly hasnāt improved.; itās really odd going to sleep after the sun has come up!
6months tomorrow, wedding anniversary this week too - guess thatās why I back on here.
Good luck in the continuing fightā¦
I hope youāre coping with your loss
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Thank you for your words. We are not alone
Feels like it though doesnāt it? Not sure if itās the mornings or mid afternoons when Iāve run out of distractions that feel worst. Either way Iāve decided that the real reason I donāt get to sleep until 4am is in the hope that Iāll sleep through most of the next day. It doesnāt work does itā¦
Good luck getting through each day.
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Been two and half years since I lost my wife to MND, my sleep pattern still hasnāt returned. For 2 years I would go to sleep for two hours, then wake and check on her then sleep for another hour wake & check. Plus I get what I call the night fears this is when I panic lying awake worrying what will happen to me. This is ridiculous, I am comfortable financially but despite me telling myself this, along they come until its time to get up. Oh, and the nightmares which make no sense at all. Iāve been OK for a while but this weekend something set me off and Iām down in the dumps again and just donāt want to go to bed but I am physically and mentally exhausted. And of course the over the top emotional response to films, TV news, stories which just wonāt go away and people tell me this is normal after what I have been through. When am I going to get a break?
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Gosh - you are really struggling. Night time takes on another level!
Iām obsessed with checking doors and windows which I never worried about when hubby was alive
and Iām shattered before I go to bed and then I delay it till 1/2 am so I may have a chance of getting sleep. Im the only one up in my road and itās dawn when I get into bed !
Iām a fully fledged, paid- up member of the 3am club, and have been for 3 years. Lying awake, stressing about not sleeping. I decided (with the help of my mindful coach) that all this stressing about not sleeping was actually making it more difficult to sleep.It was self defeating.
Bit by bit, Iāve learnt to understand āit is what it isā and to not strive for sleep, not allowing the avalanche of unwanted thoughts beat me up.
I still donāt sleep brilliantly, but itās far better, but being awake is far more comfortable before I drop off.
Maybe the 6am club may now be more appropriate, so thatās pretty good progress.
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I too have decided to take the stress off actually being in bed and trying to sleep because if I canāt sleep thereās no point in trying to put pressure on myself. Thereās no one at home to tell me to go to bed so I do go to bed when Iām tired and sometimes the dawn is rising. But I get three or four hours so I have to accept that thatās my new life. Itās not what I chose, but itās what I have to put up with. Itās very sad because I miss my husband so much particularly at night.
Well done @Copenhagen1 . Weāve spent all our lives being fed that:
Bed time is a set time (lets say 11pm) and thereās something wrong with you (probably weak) if you go to bed at 7pm. Plus you NEED 8 hours!!
So that puts us under pressure to conform. Who tells us that this is what we need to do to be normal? Iāve never seen a law which tells us this!
Iāve probably averaged about 5 hours since I was alone, and Iām still here!! 
. The rest of the night Iām happy reading, listening to the radio, watching TV, wrestling with the dogs for bed-space, or getting up to make yet another peanut butter sarnie, and a decaffeinated flat white. Sometimes I just get up, switch the garden lights on, sit in āherā chair in the conservatory and chat to Penny for an hour or so.
All of which I enjoy 
PS, when I first started to go to bed very early, I used to worry that friends and neighbours would come unannounced, and knock on the door. In the last 3 years (and probably for many more) The number of people who have done that amounts to Zero. Especially if there are no lights blazing downstairs, and the blinds are closed.
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Yes, I totally agree with what youāre saying
who tells us what time to go to bed
I totally agree with what youāre saying
and letās grab what sleep we can - three or four hours I get and Iām still here
Apologies if I repeated myself in my message I do ramble on
No apologies required. You may well find that when you manage to stop worrying about sleeping, sleeping becomes easier.
Iāve learnt that from my mindfulness studying, and it applies to many things we strive for and then worry we arenāt perfect.
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It definitely is makes it harder to cope when your so tired every day x
I check all doors and windows too even leave landing light on till daylight appears more anxious alone now x
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Thatās exactly what I do. I go around checking windows and then I turn the blinds down and then Iād check that Iāve actually shut the window yet again.
These are windows that I have never opened and I go through the same routine every night which exhausts me
I never used to check when my husband was alive, but I just feel quite vulnerable being on my own and Iām guessing thatās quite normal.
Hmm I donāt go around checking the windows but my night time behaviour has changed, when I get up in the night to visit the bathroom (Iāve always done this since being a child) I now use a torch, never before did I ever use any kind of light, I know the layout of the house and I have good night vision and its never completely without light what with the glow from bedside clocks, LEDs on routers and other electronic equipment throughout the house, so additional light just wasnāt and isnāt necessary but on losing my wife I now always use a torch which I keep on the bedside table. Perhaps I need the comfort of a warm light in the night knowing that I am the only person there.
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I do understand what youāre saying. I am doing ācomfortā things around the house especially at night