Oh, 4 weeks today I found my husband dead on the sofa.
I had gone to bed early and he was going to follow. At 4.50am my pug came to wake me up. Oh such a devastating shock. He was 50.
Friday 13th June.
His funeral was exactly a week ago.
Iam struggling terribly.
We were married for 22 years, on 28th June. Together for 32 years. 2 grown up girls with our first grandchild on the way.
We ran a dog care business together so spent most of each day with each other.
I feel sick all if time. I cry constantly. I am avoiding people. I cant even bring myself to go to see my horse.
I want to be with him.
I cant cope.
Not sure what I am trying to say except I an utterly BROKEN!
Hi Noodledude.
I am sorry you are now here on this path. 4 weeks is very early. You have to look after yourself, i know this is hard we all do, eat, drink to keep hydrated and sleep. Post on here, rant or ramble,i am afraid we all understand. For you it is just one step at a time. You will feel broken, we all do, you are not going mad. Week 24 for me tonight, i still cry everyday, not as much. Please look after yourself and take care.
@Noodledude
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s a terrible journey you find yourself on just now and no one can tell you how you are going to feel or for how long.
My John died suddenly back in March and the first 8/9 weeks were the worst time of my life. Couldn’t eat, sleep and didn’t want to see people who ate well meaning but basically haven’t a clue how you are feeling.
I tried desperately to fill the void he’d left and then one day I knew I couldn’t I had to live with it and just carry on.
It’s been tough but I cry less and do not break down and scream n tell anymore
Just do what you have to do each day, if you want to stay in bed, then do so. If you want to walk out on your own, then do so. If you want to scream n cry then do so…if you want to be angry he left you, then do so but always remember to come on here because we’re all going through the same feelings just at different stages…
Sending you love…
I am on week one ,Sally having died at home on Monday even after a brutal fight with cancer over the last twelve months. I like you feel utterly broken , sobbing at the slightest thing and missing my protective cloak of my dear wife. Both step children were her for the past 10-15 days, Daughter lives in Suffolk so gone back today step son(41) lives local but promised his mum he would look after me etc tonight true to form a text “ see you in the morning I am staying out ( he is more or less homeless having been kicked out by his obnoxious partner a couple of weeks ago so asked if he could move in, while it was convenient )
So it really is up to me to sort myself out these two can’t really help at all which is sad given all the chats and promises made to my dying wife but now I am feeling sorry for myself which doesn’t do any good Good job I have this community and friends in the village but it would have been nice just having someone else in the house tonight. Take care of your self . Are there any bereavement cafes near you? Or friends you can talk to. Is there any reason why some of us don’t set up a Google video call so that we could talk or cry to each other??? Just a thought
Hi @Noodledude
I’m so sorry for your loss. Trust me, I know exactly what you’re going through. My healthy 52 year old husband died in his sleep in March.
Three months on, I feel the pain of his loss every minute of every day. I question why this happened to my sweet lovely husband. I wish I could speak to him and hold him. The difficulty with a sudden loss is you never get to say all you want to say. In a split second your world is shattered.
I started antidepressants 6 weeks after my husband died and I’m also getting counselling - this was only available after I had been bereaved for 3 months.
This forum has provided so much support. Please come here to share your thoughts/memories/feelings.
After all, we’re all in the same situation in a world that suddenly lacks colour.
Hi Lonelyplanet
I am so sorry for your loss , i can relate to the suddenness as i lost my partner aged 63 on April 14th , he died next to me whilst i was driving.
I am not doing well 3 months on and have now made a Dr appointment . I don’t paticularly want antidepressants but i am now feeling i want to push people away and be left alone which is not good.
I am hoping i may be referred to counselling to try and help me . I just feel so very sad and miss him so much.
This road we are all on is incredibly painful, it is 13 weeks today .
Thinking of you and everyone carrying this immense pain !!!
Linda
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s just devastating isn’t it, your whole life changes in an instant. I’ve recently lost my lovely husband after a very short illness, he was the bravest man I will ever know. My grief is awful, i just feel so angry, lonely so many different emotions. I have a lovely daughter & son who are also helping me.
My GP has now described sleeping tablets which help. I haven’t had my husband’s funeral yet so just not sure how I will cope with this.
I agree how can anyone possibly understand unless they are in our shoes.
I just feel so low at the moment and i am struggling to know whether i am heading for depression or this is just a totally normal part of grief.
I just want to be on my own at the moment and not engage with anyone … i know this is not a good place to be.
I do to, I don’t answer the door or arrange to see anybody apart from my immediate family, as I feel I need to mourn my loss in my own way.
It’s just so awful
So sorry for your loss and indeed the losses we have all suffered. I lost Sally one week today, diagnosed with colon cancer 12 months ago almost to the day, surgery in September 8 months chemotherapy , one month of normal life then 20 days of end of life care(funny in one sense because she was only given days to live but confounded everyone and lasted 20) but not so funny to what happened a beautiful fit healthy woman(69, my wife for 34 years partner for 37) who was walking in Norfork in early June, literally perish very slowly in front of your eyes. We cared for her at home for those 20 days but the last 10 were brutal beyond belief but she passed in my arms surrounded by her fabulous daughter and…son not so fabulous who caused her untold stress, worry, anguish, hurt and distress for the past 25 years he is now 41 ( I’m stepdad), but we all spoke to her and I kissed her as she took her final breath. Harrowing…but I had some amazing advice yeasterday … Have you tried mindfullness🤨, Some people are truly as thick as two short planks, without an ounce of any understanding what so ever. That is why this forum is so helpful. I feel we can fully express our emotions no matter how raw and we are given a shoulder to cry on or virtual hugs. How lucky are we to have found this forum. Lots of hugs from me and thank you all again.
Nedh,
So sorry for your loss.
Your story is literally the exact thing that my husband went through. Was diagnosed with colon cancer last August, was having regular check ups. Had some stomach pains in April, ended up in A&E to be told spread to liver & lungs. Absolutely devastating news but he was so brave & we cared for him at home until he passed.
He said to me before he passed, please carry on for our lovely children & granddaughter, but god it’s so so hard
You will feel completely displaced and shocked for sometime. This is shocking. No words will be adequate. You just have to navigate each day as best you can. I am sending lots of love and hugs. x x
Hi. I’m so, so sorry for how you are feeling right now. All of us here have felt/feel the same. It is a shock. At some point acceptance will hopefully kick in for you but it’s very early days. This for me was the hardest part accepting my Kev wasn’t here anymore in body. I’m 18 months on and my life has moved forward slightly to the point I can smile again some days and it’s genuine (I fake smiled for a long time). I had some counselling with Sue Ryder and it was the best things I could have done. I opened up and let it all out, I found it difficult to open up completely to our daughters and close families/friends. We are all here for you. I also had a period where I just wanted to be with my Kev. I talk to him everyday which gives me comfort now. Love never dies but this is the cruel reality of it. Your love will never die and one day I like to believe Kev will be waiting for me. I was lucky to have had my Kev as long as I did. This is the only way I’m getting through this horrible nightmare of grief. You take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself (I didn’t really understand this phrase before but unfortunately I do now) xx
I like your phrase that you were lucky to have your Kev for as long as you did. I need to think more like that about my Sally, but I do become envious of our friends who all have their partners still whereas I have lost my beautiful Sally never to return. Selfish I know but I can’t hide that fact to myself.
Thanks again
I was the same. Just wanted to lock my door and be in my own world with the unbearable grief that was a physical pain. Counselling did help me a lot. Giving me coping ideas. One was writing a grief diary. This. gets it out of your head. When I look at it now over 3 years on I realise how far I have come. Now I only write in it in spasms where before it was almost hourly. I’m still nowhere near healed and I dont think I ever will be. But life goes on relentlessly and I try to keep strong for our boys and their families. I don’t want them to think I’m a whinging old crone
