Feeling awful my grief has hit hard again.
I am off work as school holidays and feel lost
My time normally would be caring for mum taking her the hair dressers etc She had dementia and needed more help. Which i would do all over again if i could. We were so close and im not sure how to cope and adjust to this new way of living.
Is it normal for grief to return as if it happened yesterday. ? Its been 5 months and im lost. Thank you xx
14 Likes
Hi @Cadburys52
While there are some things we all go through in grief, everyone’s grief journey is personal to them, & we all go through things in our own way. So whatever your feeling is normal, when someone we love & care for first passes, it’s a big shock, I spent the first year after my mom passed on autopilot, so from time to time there will be things that remind us of them, or sad thought’s as we process the loss, it’s normal. Sending hugs of support as you navigate this deeply upsetting time.
6 Likes
It’s normal for it to go up and down, it’s rarely a straight line. I’m almost at 6 months and feel worse since Easter. You never know what things might trigger you, unfortunately. I’m sorry you’re struggling. Sending hugs. 
6 Likes
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. And im sorry for your loss xx
Its so difficult and sometimes i feel like im loosing the plot.
With the sad thoughts. Thank you for your support. Xx
4 Likes
Im feeling the same today, I’ve slept through most of the day, but still exhausted
Sending you a
3 Likes
Im sorry to hear that i hope you are feeling abit better today. Sending hugs. Xx
I strarted a support group this evening. It is a course being held called’
‘The Bereavement Journey’ As i drove there for my first session tonight a ladybird landed on my hand, then stayed next to me in the car. I might be mad but i felt it was my mum sending me a reasurring sign. I might be clutching at straws but to me it was my lovely mum xx
5 Likes
I lost my Mum 8 months ago. It is the hardest thing to go through and no one warns you how overwhelming the feelings are. I did go through a dark time of wanting to just go to sleep and not wake up as it was so painful. I found a good relaxation video for grief and loss which just helped to bring to my mind the love that has to be there to feel such strong grief.
Talking here had really helped me to understand how normal my awful feelings are. It is very much one day at a time. Some days I step forward and others I seem to step back 2 steps. I found old videos of my Mum really happy and this helped me not focus on her last few difficult weeks.
Nothing and no one can prepare you for the loss of your Mum. You and your whole life changes completely forever. I still often feel a ‘homesick’ sort of ache in me, it isn’t just for the loss of my Mum but for the loss of what was and now will never be again. It is such an enormous thing to go through. Sorry to all of you who have to bare the pain of your own loss. It is heart breaking but it is because of that special love we feel such pain X
8 Likes
I understand every word of that, I couldn’t have put it better than that.
I’ve only just been able to look at my mam’s photos, which I’ve just done. Im sat now sobbing and can’t bare to pain but it’ll pass.
I love my mam so much 
Thanks for posting, I find grief can be a lonely world xx
2 Likes
Hi @Cadburys52
I’m coming up to 3 months since I lost my mam, but I think I started grieving when she was in hospital at the end.
I’m also off work for the Easter holidays. I only went back to work for 4 days before the holidays and got really upset on one of them.
I’m feeling like you that the grief is hitting hard, and i can’t see a way forward. It’s so hard and I also feel so lost. I’m waiting for counselling. Have you considered it?
Hope you and everyone on here finds the strength to get through the pain
1 Like
It is a lonely world because it is your mum and no one else’s. I had a lot of happy, sad sobbing to begin with but it really
Helped me to remember my
mum the way she was in her life and not focus on her death. To begin with the torture of what you should have done, could have done, just wears you down in circles. Several people said to me your Mum would be so sad to see how unhappy you are. Hard to hear but they were right. Seeing her smile and her laugh did help me to enjoy focusing on why I missed her soo much.
We were close and we had lived together with my family. I now smile and think just
how much she loved me. It does bring tears and a sad loss but a happier sadness that is less dark. Days will get easier but it is exhausting and no one else can do the journey for you. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to feel. A life time of love won’t pass in a few months X
2 Likes
Thank you for your kind words xx
1 Like
Thank you so much your your kind replies.
Yes you are right it is a life time of love.
For some reason i thought my mum would go on forever.
I cant look at photos at the moment, im sure that will change.
I have been counselling but not grief counselling. It was mostly about selfcare and reflection.through work.
So have asked my GP and she has referred me to someone else. And im hoing to a grief support group once a week.
Xx
1 Like
I am 5 months on from losing my mum and the pain hits me in waves like panic attacks. Like you i just thought my parents would go on forever. When im at achool i function well as its so busy, but the easter holidays have been hard as the busyness has stopped and reality hits. I spent the first week crying.
I cared for her with my dad to the end. I knew she was dying but couldnt bring myself to acknowledge this so i didnt talk about it with her and now I so wish i had but i was too scared to say it out loud. It all happened too quickly.
I never understood the pain of grief. Its very lonely indeed.
Big hugs to everyone going through this. Gosh it’s tough isnt it xxx
3 Likes
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I’m at 4 months on since losing my mum who also did suffer from dementia and I was carer for a long since she became bedridden. I have to admit it’s been very difficult since she has passed and I honestly quite surprised I’m still here because I feel I been at autopilot but sometimes it’s just hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel all floodgates of emotions just come out and I can’t stop being tearful. There are times where I do feel like she is here but will be home soon. I feel like mind play games sometimes, I know she not here. I just don’t want a new normal without her. It’s really hard for me adjust to reality and I feel like at some days i am on autopilot.
I feel grief is part of life, it just how you manage and we all handle it differently. For me it’s so hard to describe because I feel like I’ve been roller coaster of emotions to the point where I’m just numb and want to sleep not wake. My every day outlook so different I feel like I lost my routine and to start over again it sucks. I wish I could can give you advice, what I can say your not alone on this journey of grief, lot of support of hugs to you x
3 Likes
mia4 Pob16
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I feel like noone else really understands.
I feel exactly the same trying to adjust to a new normal, and it hits me every time i wakeup.
My mum had dementia too and she managed in her flat up with me visiting everyday, until the last two months.
Im feeling more anxious in work, and im definitely changed as a oerson.
I keep thinking of different things that happened i dont know if that will ever change.
All we can do is our best, and take care of ourselves through this journey.
Anybody else had counselling?xx
3 Likes
My mum died 4 months ago. I painfully miss her so much. Just wanted to send love and say all you can do is really take care of yourself and try and keep busy. Take care x
6 Likes
no not yet i’m still on the waiting list on for counselling but in meantime i had attended a bereavement support group every month in my local area. i feel its good to meet people who went through similar and not feel like your own. i hope your able to find some support groups or even try journaling maybe
2 Likes
Hi all sorry for the loss of your mums. I am 16 months after losing mine suddenly in Dec 22 and it doesn’t get any easier. I am kept going because of my son and he was my mums pride and joy. Miss her every day and yes nothing prepares you for this loss it’s just heartbreaking. I know she wouldn’t want me to be sad but some days the loss is just too much the small things like picking up the phone, the voicemail she would leave and she was always there no matter what. It’s not easy look after yourselves 
3 Likes
I’m only a couple of months in from losing mum, and I to am still grieving. Some days pass as ‘normal’ but today I had a missing mum, cry all the time day. I too cared for mum and actually miss doing so even though at times it was hard and frustrating, but I would do it all again just to have her back. I’m waiting grief support but it’s a twelve week waiting list. Mum loved her garden, I tied to tidy the garden but I couldn’t, brought back too many memories, I looked up and mum wasn’t watching from the window and I just started crying. A 59 year old standing in her front garden , a weed in her hand, crying. I feel I will miss mum forever and I even thought that " another 15-20 years and I’ll see her again!" Sending you hugs and best wishes, it’s ok to revisit grief, I know I will for the rest of my time on earth xx
5 Likes
Sounds so similar to me but I love being in the garden as it was where I went when she slept and I knew she was ok. She could still see me and call.
I too found it hard to do the caring for so long and feel guilty now that I could be grumpy and short. She loved me so very much and I was to close to really see it. I miss her soo much now and can’t find a place to be any more with out her.
I am also 59 and crying in my car typing X
4 Likes