I’m sorry to hear you are upset. i was crying most of the day last Sunday. Sometimes, you have got to let it all out.
Yes, i too would do it all again, just to see her smile and hear her laughter she was so lovely and beautiful i wish i had told her.
Being in my garden reminds me of her, as she sat bathing in the sun and me cutting the grass. She loved the sun.
Its good to chat to each other and know we are not alone xxxx
3 Likes
I too was tired and short sometimes, we are human and we did our very best to love and care for our mums. Think of all the good things you did 
3 Likes
Yes, the guilt I felt when sometimes I was so tired but obviously still had to help mum and she would say " I’m a nuisance aren’t I" and of course I would tell her it wasn’t her fault and no she wasn’t a nuisance. She looked after me growing up, it was my turn to look after her. It wasn’t until the last few weeks that we said out loud that we loved each other. I still tell her I love her and say sorry out loud to her! I just want to see her one more time, but then when does that 'one more time’s end? I’m not glad others are feeling the same but it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the way I feel, because there were times that I thought I was
3 Likes
Its just over 5 months since i lost Mum, i was caring for her full time the last year of her life. The garden used to be my refuge - mum lived in a bungalow and her room was on the back of the house so she could see onto the garden, and i would pick sweet peas every morning and bring them in for her to smell. 
I often struggle with guilt about did i do enough caring for her - i was thrown in the deep end with no warning of what was to come, and i feel bad that i would get tired and irritable, and could have spent more time actually with her 
I feel completely lost without her, and invisible to the rest of the world who are carrying on as usual. Its so hard to carry all this pain inside and just feeling that no one else really cares. The one person i would have talked to when i was hurting would have been Mum. 
5 Likes
Thank you for sharing that you felt guilty. Please don’t think you made me sad. I am sad a lot and I am sad soo many people out there are feeling so lost and lonely just like me. It is soo hard when you are the support for the family and always there for everyone. My Mum always used to say ‘ everyone needs and Anna’! Trouble is I don’t have an Anna and I don’t feel like her any more to be there for everyone. I still can’t believe how changed I feel, so it really helps to know I am not the only one.
I put myself down for some counselling but there is a long wait. It won’t bring Mum back or stop the grief, it is a process and I guess helps you move through the process. Talking here with others feeling similar makes me feel less alone so thank you X
3 Likes
Hi, I’ve just joined the forum fell straight into this chain. So many comments on here are resonating with me. I lost my mum in Sept 23 and lost my dad in Nov 23 - 10 wks apart. I was “doing ok” managing the loss and heartache and thought I was working my way through it only to completely lose it a couple of weeks ago. Crying all the time, etc etc. I’m now on antidepressants and unable to acknowledge any thoughts/memories/pictures/videos about my mum and dad. I just keep pushing them away as I’m terrified that I’ll start crying again and just won’t stop. Has anyone been through a similar experience and can tell me that “this too shall pass”? Any advice gratefully received. Thanks
3 Likes
@Ally6 exactly the same with regards to the sweet peas it’s uncanny! Mum for me, was also the go to person and now having lost her I have no other go to person.i still think “I’ll tell mum about so and so…” then to realise I can’t or if something or somebody has upset me I don’t have mum to tell. I’m unmarried with no children and mum and I enjoyed the same things and same interests and I miss sharing those interests to the extent that I don’t want to know about those interests anymore I still can’t throw anything she used or touched out or watch the programmes on TV we used to watch together.
4 Likes
Bless you I feel exactly the same but have grown up kids and am married. The only person I would tell everything to was my Mum. She would let me grumble knowing I just needed a safe space to talk about things with out feeling I was being disloyal to husband/kids etc. She knew she could do the same, moan about her pains or her not sleeping.
It feels so lonely now. I used to be a part of a Riding club and compete but had to stop when she needed more help and became unwell. I haven’t seen friend because I am so up and down and previously was a sociable bee, enjoying meeting and going out with either my family or my friends.
I guess as my Mum and I were so close I now find I have no one close friend, because she was mine. She could be needy and hated being on her own. The gap is just so big where she was. I can’t plan much as I have tried to make plan but then panic or just can’t do it.
My husband and family have tried to be supportive but no one really knows the pain and the deep sadness inside me all the time. I think they would be really shocked if they really knew how empty and low I really feel inside 
I want to plan a holiday to break the cycle and try to start enjoying myself but I am terrified and I don’t even know what of?
5 Likes
That’s me, though I lost my dad. Unmarried, no children and we enjoyed much the same things and interests. I can’t watch programmes we watched or go places we went. Plus I feel such guilt over every time I was impatient or frustrated. 
4 Likes
It’s hard isn’t it. I don’t know when the pain will end, I even feel guilty if I have a fairly good day which is not very often now. It’s like I’m not whole any more. I guess in time I will learn to live again and do things, right now I can’t. I can’t even dust mum’s bedroom or open a draw in there without something that she used upsetting me.
5 Likes
I know. I feel like I broke into pieces when he passed and don’t know how to put them together again. It hurts like a physical blow to see his things where he left them, but I can’t move them either. And the dust, there’s so much dust. 
5 Likes
Lost my Mum 2 years ago and I still feel stunned. Feel so lost without her, we were very close. Sometimes I think of the moment she drew her last breath over and over again in my head. My heart aches for her. But I know she’d want me to be strong especially for my Son.
4 Likes
Yes im the same i get flash backs to the last night i spent with my lovely mum.
I dont really know how to control these thoughts. They just keep researfacing i suppose this is the price we pay for the love we have.xx
3 Likes
I lost my mum 6 years ago today, time does heal but this time every year I relive the whole week prior to her death.
She was in the local hospice and yes, I have shed a few tears again this week as I do every year. I can still hear her voice in my head.
However, with time, you will slowly find you start to improve and it doesn’t hurt as much. You will never stop loving and missing her, she made you what you are and would want you to manage your life without her so gradually you will.
6 Likes
That is so beautiful put, thank you for sharing it with us all in such pain. It is just helpful to hear everyone’s journey and to that it might get better or ease a little at some point X
3 Likes
Yes thank you, that helps alot knowing that the pain eases.
Its such a wrench her not being around anymore. Such a big hole that has been created.
She would want me to carry on and that is what im trying to do.
I hope you have a good day today xxxx
2 Likes
Absolutely! xxx
You have empty days, when you can’t stop thinking, always been a deep thinker. I do think about a lot of the memories I had with mum, would do anything to have that again.
2 Likes
I also can’t get my mum’s final hours out of my head. She only died today, God knows how I’ll cope. Sorry for everyone’s pain.
1 Like
Im so sorry to hear this xx Please take things one step at a time. I hope you have some support xxx