I too had boiler issues 2 days after- ended up ringing our eldest daughter at 7am whilst having a breakdown in utility room- boiler was flashing error so in the end I googled it and find a very good link on you tube- never done anything like this… friends say Sean is testing me !!! next day I rang our plumber to service the boiler- I was overwhelmed with the thought of things breaking- thats where the fear comes in I guess… We slowly- although not wanting to - have to find some strength and independence…
I had one service supplier say on the phone- shall we put account in Miss F…- I was disgusted and put phone done. I will always be Mrs F…
It has helped sharing because we are all going through the same pain and I know everyone on here understands. I feel, and it may be wrong, that people will get bored of my grief and my pain, which is why I always say I’m OK x
Omg exactly… its easier to say I’m ok… thats what I do…
No one understands till you been there…
So instead of saying how much I hurt etc I say I’m ok… they think after couple weeks you will be eased…
I so understand that statement… I dont want to be the one that brings the mood down if out of nowhere tears fall, but I also want to grieve…we must let grief do its thing…
I find myself saying the same - ok- when people ask- its such the wrong response isnt it !
It is but you do it to get away from the conversation that’s how I’m doing it and hiding inside…
I’m waiting for the call to go collect chris ashes would a horrid trip thats gonna be and again the tears will flow the mental pain and the physical pain will flow again…
I’ve been with chris since I was 16… how the hell do you manage…
It’s normal to shed tears because it’s all part off the process.
When my Pauline was alive she found a spot in a grave site where she wanted to be laid to rest .
We did not talk about it at all as I couldn’t accept the outcome at the end.
I did my best to get that spot regardless of cost and thats were I shed my tears I no she is there and that’s all that matters I do love her and she knows it
Bless you heart .sending big hugs and prayers to you…its is so hard and for me the days have got harder…I lost my husband 22nd January 2021.he with COVID-19. Am dreading the first Christmas with out him.i have 2 lovely daughters they stayed with me for a while…but it is all the things you now have to do on your own and it’s crap …I cry I scream I tell him off for leaving me he was just 60 …I just take one day at a time and get through it the best I can …and try and be kind to yourself.ots of love to you I really feel your pain xxx
I too lost my husband very suddenly 8 weeks ago and was also frantically following CPR instructions from an ambulance lady on the telephone… the paramedics came and after that everything went into blurry slow motion…
We were together for 41 years.
The pain is indescribable…
Also the flashbacks, which cam come without warning…
I feel as though I am being tossed around on a very turbulent, unpredictable sea.
Please know that so many people are in the same boat
I live in hope that one day the waters will become a bit calmer.
This site has helped me alot, particularly in the middle of the night… It has been a huge comfort…
I find the fear comes when I try and think too far ahead, and so I just try and focus on the day before me…
My heart goes out to you… we must try and hang on to the thought that our loved ones would not want us to suffer and that life is fragile but wll also be precious again, even though you are right… it is utterly crap at the moment!
Your story is so like all of ours,we cannot understand why they were taken from us when they were so loved.I too cry out for her to come back and shout why have you left me like this.Yes we are all scared of the loneness and the feeling of loss ,I am 76 so what lies ahead for me now that I have no loving wife by my side.Michael.
Hi Flantheman
I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through, I lost my lovely husband nearly 12 weeks ago, he was 48 and like you, it was the middle of the night, I couldn’t get him off the bed to do cpr but the paramedics came quickly, they had to take him into my daughters room as our room is very small, but after an hour nothing more could be done.
Since then I have drifted through most days. I have not returned to work yet, I work with the public, and really don’t think I could handle it if some started shouting at me, also I used to travel into and out of work with my husband and can’t bare to get off the train at that stop, I have to close my eyes going through the station.
I have a 17 and 14 year old, my 14 year old has not said much but the school are trying to arrange counselling as he seems to get upset sometimes at school, maybe talk to your school for your 13 year old. I think they don’t want to upset us further and tend to keep it in. It would be good to have someone not connected to us for them to talk to.
I am also going through probate and all the insurances are being held up by the lack of a death certificate and the coroners are not replying to any of my requests for an update. There is so much to do, but there is no rush to do most of it, one day, one step at a time, be kind to yourself.
im sure like others I too am dreading Christmas- Sean loved it- we usually ended up with 5 trees !
Dont even want to go up in the loft to get the decorations- thats another new thing to learn to do. Reminders all around- I too scream at him/his memory saying why didnt he fight and stay alive- but for whatever reason he left- dont understand- hate it- but that is one thing that is out of our control.
Our energy now must be on taking each day- I do mutter as I go around very mundane tasks- what do you think Sean? it is the only way I can do it- I think I will also mutter to him…
bless you- I totally understand the pain and torment you will be experiencing- our 13 yr old had a tough night - she is having outbreaks of anger- and swearing- not something she did before. Its her birthday end of this month and I dont know what to do. My heart is saying buy her lovely things- she is a true fashionista and loves shopping- but then another side of my brain says thats just masking the issues.
She is now having weekly chats via a school counsellor- no idea what they discuss- its private to her. Im on a waiting list with Cruse and another local counselling service. Im thinking she needs additional support. I feel helpless when I look at her pain- and then I scream in my head at Sean saying look what youve left me to sort out !!
there have been moments when I think this is too tough and I dont want to go on- I quickly push those thoughts to one side- we all have to keep going.
On top of this tragic event- Im also dealing with a fractured knee cap and torn ligament- happened before this event- but it is truly making this process harder- I cant drive, I cant walk far ( on crutches)- All I want to do is escape, Im an avid walker, so feel this would help me process whats happened. So im mostly stuck in the house- its driving me nuts. Hopefully soon I will be up and mobile and I think this will help.
I have also had words with myself to get healthy, exercise- my younger daughter is terrified something will happen to me- and then what. SO I have a duty/role to do everything that I can.
We all need to be kind to ourselves- and do want each one of us can do each day.
I have 2 holidays booked for next year- and when I think of those I go into panic mode. Cant process that yet
@Flantheman it must be so hard knowing had to be with your daughter, I only have myself to think about and that is hard enough.
i too am dreading Christmas, we used to have Scott’s grown up children on Christmas day sometimes for dinner, otherwise it was just us and that was how we liked it. I have told everyone I am not doing Christmas this year, can’t bear the thought of sending and receiving cards just to me. I was going to stay here on my own, but was being put under pressure by people saying I couldn’t do that, I know they are coming from a good place but what have I got to celebrate and be happy about.
I also have a holiday booked for next year and the guilt I am feeling about going is tremendous, but then I try and think what would Scott want me to do, it’s just so hard isn’t it
I also have booked a short break away next June ,will be strange going on my own but I did to have something to look forward to.Only 5 days by coach to Lake District and Yorkshire Dales ,we went there together a few years ago for my Birthday.Will be a stern test.Michael.
Oh no this probate thing is terrible,they are so slow,they do not understand what you are going through with bills to pay etc.We had to sort out all my wife’s paperwork ,trace loads of accounts ,make loads of calls,it is an endless process at a time when you are still grieving,it is so not fair.Michael.
@Jane25- you have you and your wonderful memories of Scott to celebrate- it will be upsetting- but you must some how find the strength to raise a glass on xmas day. Easy to say- I too feel like blocking out this festive season- but it will come around every year; so lets face it together- differently.
The same feelings- I will feel guilty to go on holiday- one of the places was his fave destination- same villa booked etc- not sure if that makes it easier- cos old memories there- and the 2nd holiday I booked a couple of wks before he died- a norway cruise for his birthday in sept next year- SO how can I do that- but then I think would that be better/less painful than being at home where he died, day before his birthday- cant find the answers yet.
Friends/family say I must go- Sean would want me to go- I do believe (some days) this-but it feels unsavoury doesnt it?
it will be tough- but also in some ways rewarding- a testament to your strength to keep going. Take comfort in the memories from last time you went. If its a coach trip Im sure there will be great company around you and as you say a focus of something in the diary. Each month we may get stronger- they same time heals- personally I have to believe this- but there is also no end of time to grief and loss.
Dales and Lakes are usually my weekend haunts - I would drag my hubby around there nearly every weekend- It will be different , but also a much deserved escape Im sure
It true, it’s just one more thing hanging over you, I wish they would give a proper timescale, even if it’s months, the coroner said 8 weeks, it’s been nearly 12 and I can’t even contact them, no one picks up the phone or answers emails, I have to manage to pay the mortgage and everything else on my salary, it’s all so very stressful when your mind is not all there to begin with x